Well, this was some bad news here. The first strain I purchased for my collection... and before I smoked any of it, I made a mistake when trying to humidify it, and it went fuckin moldy and started smelling like a dead hermit crab. So, I ended up throwing the whole fuckin batch out. Haven't been able to find any Daywrecker since then. Arrrrrrgh!!!!1!

Update 2023: Four years later and I STILL can't find any muhfuckin daywrecker, yo. Fuhhhhh

This was one of my earliest dispensary purchases... and I found out shortly after I bought a couple of strains there that the place was known for SHIT weed.

So by the time I had got around to smoking this shit, I had already gotten weed from better places... and I kept holding off on the Gooberry because I thought it was going to suck ass.

Months and months went by and I would say "Should I try the Gooberry now? Nah, I'll try something better."

Finally, I got around to trying the Gooberry. Smoked a bowl of it in a little stone spoon pipe I had around. And you know what? It was pretty fuckin good! I was chill, things were mellow, and I felt kinda happy and horny and shit, but I could still focus enough to pay attention to a movie. If I stood up, it took my brain a second to recalculate and recalibrate and shit. I was high but not too high. I didn't pass out but when I finally went to bed, slept like a fuckin rock. I was actually IMPRESSED with Gooberry!

I still avoid the place with the shit weed... but I will likely hunt more of this shit down in the future when I'm looking for a decent but not "TOO high" high.

I didn't get a lot of effect from this, but then again, I bought it from a place known for shit weed before I knew that they were a place known for shit weed. You know what I ended up buying from them? THIS SHIT FUCKIN WEED.

I gave Do-Si-Dos a really REALLY good second try in a joint several weeks later, and it was almost like I hadn't smoked a damn thing. It made a little fuzzy and my feet felt a little heavy, but didn't really hit me like a good indica. Didn't even make me sleepy. Fuck that noise. I think I've gotten more of a high from singing a goddam Christmas carol. When I was 9.

The really funny thing is that the guy at the shitty weed place told me that this was a good one for "Netflix & Chill." That some of that bullshit right there.Your homie got DUPED, yo. Netflix & Chill? Maybe if your woman wanted to make love wit Walter fuckin Matthau, after he fuckin died.

-----

UPDATE: I GOT MORE!!??!!

So four years later (now 2023), Ive decided to try this shit again. I really want to believe that this shit sucked because the crappy dispensery sold me a bad batch or somethin. The dispensery has a bad rep for a reason (I didn't know at the time), and since my bad experience with Do-Si-Dos, it had somehow become Leafly's 2021 STRAIN of the YEAR.

Last night, #1 Girly Girl and I took a road trip to a faraway dispensery that I'd loved long ago, and I saw Do-Si-Dos again for a good price. I was already buying some other shit so I decided to buy ONE GRAM to see if this could maybe redeem itself.

So, we'll smoke this shit soon and let you know. Hopefully.

Until then, it's still a member of the "Fuck This Shit Fam" list up above.

Wiped out in a rehydration/mold disaster. Lessons learned. I hope to get this one again in the future.

Update:  I got more!!

Even while smoking about half a joint of this, before finishing, I felt more relaxed. Realy nice. But now, about four minutes or so after, the munchies are setting in. And I guess I'm getting a bit more warm in the BonerZone.

Once getting back to my desk with snacks, I realized I'd left some of said snacks in the kitchen. So, I had to go back.

As I started down the hall to the kitchen I noticed that my first few steps had a bit of a strut to them. Like a Bruno Mars strut. Then, I wondered if Bruno Mars had a bit of a strut all the time while he walked around his house. He should. He's Bruno fuckin' Mars.

Now 10-15 minutes have passed and I'm feeling very very "stonie." Stonee Balonee should be my stripper name!

I fell asleep for a few seconds then had a dream that a bee had crawled into my ear. Then I woke up and freaked out and felt my left ear and felt the bee! Then it fell out. It was just my earbud.

Not a bad high. I got some visuals and general euphoria without getting too out of control or off the ground. I felt happy and a little giggly. A little. Didn't work well as sex weed the first time around, but #1 honey and I plan to try it again soonish.

For a loooong-ass time, this was my favorite strain ever!* Fun, trippy strain, and GREAT for fucking. Like, if you want to close your eyes while you goin at it and see a high-definition cartoon of your own dick-rammin projected agains the backs of your eyelids, THIS is the SHIT you want.

*(Unseated by Atomic Northern Lights in March 2020 - PD is now my second favorite strain)

My #1 cutie isn't really picky in most cases but she has advised me to keep Purple Dream in our rotation. The problem: It's tough to find in my area!! Like REALLY FUCKIN DIFFICULT! And that makes the Wang-Man sad.

Update: The Wang-Man isn't as sad. I found me a SHITLOAD of Purple Dream and I am good to go. LOVE LOVE LOVE this shit.

Hybrid,
Indica-Dominant (60:40)

Good to know:  This is also known as "Blue Widow." A decent "chill strain." Nothing to write home about, but it does the job. More reasearch needed, homies.

Update: Homiiiiiies!  I got a CRAZY deal on an ounce of this shit. So that extra research is gonna be extra easy.

=====

I did the extra research a few months later with a fairly delicious joint wrapped in Green Trip paper. The munchies were REEEAAL, homies. I felt floaty and a bit wasted (I meant to write about it at the time but didn't), but I was able to pay attention to some "Trailer Park Boys" for a while!

Hybrid,
Indica-Dominant
(80:20)

No - for fun or sex

Yes - for SLEEP

I smoked around half of a good-sized joint of 9 Pound Hammer. Not much of an effect other than passing the hell out. To be fair, it was a little old at the time, so that might have been an issue. But, to me, I felt like I was barely buzzed at all for just a little bit... not even all that chill, just kind of bored... and then lights fuckin OUT.

...

The second time I smoked it, I'd had a really long night, and I really, REALLY needed deep sleep. I smoked a bowl of 9 Pound Hammer for this purpose and lay down to sleep at 9 AM. BOOM. Out till about 2:15 PM. Confirmed: GREAT for sleep. But lousy for fun or fuckin.

Oh holy shit fam.  I smoked half of a skinny blunt of Fruity Pebbles (which I guess I'm supposed to call FPOG) about five minutes ago and I am TORE da FUCK UP. I have a feeling from the way my brain is working that this roller coaster ride is just beginning.

As often, I'd like to thank sober me for making me some kickass food before I smoked. Tonight, two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, one with red raspberry, the other with apricot. Fuuuuuuuuuck fam this is good.

I was thinking of watching something online but instead I'm sitting here thinking of old friends from long ago who I haven't talked to in fo'eva. And typing. Lots of typing. This'll be a long one.

So only a few more minutes have passed. I feel like I'm viewing only my current period of time, like through a window.  I can remember a few seconds before and kind of feel what the next few seconds will feel like, but I can't see much of the bigger picture in the film reel beyond that small subset of seconds. It's kind of like when I start losing chunks of immediate short-term memory, but far less abrupt. I am sitting in a chair but I feel like I am gliding across a safely-frozen lake.

I feel like I'm having a good conversation with someone but really I'm just typing to you here right now.

Duuude whatever happened to Ron Popiel? The guy who sold so much shit on TV? Damn, I hope he's not dead. (checking) YESSS he's not. He's 85 tho.

I wonder if anyone ever developed a fetish for funk music before. Dudes be gettin a hard-on every time they hear a funk trumpet riff.

"Funktrumpet" would make a cool bandname. Or just a cool nickname. Or... maybe an insult. I'll need to think about this when I'm more sober.

Oh, "Funktrumpet" would be a sweet nickname and "Fucktrumpet" would be what you'd call some dude when he's being a douche.

A sentence for context: "You're being a douche, you fucktrumpet."

Cheez-It's are fucking underrated, homies.

----

In retrospect, this was a fun high! Not too drastic, not too mentally fucked, but definitely high and fun. Not very giggly and definitely not very horny, tho. It's not one I'd keep in constant rotation, but it's good shit!

I felt pretty good at first. floaty, like the gravity was turned down and I was walking across a bouncy castle. My energy went up for a little bit, but then I crashed HARD and had horrible nightmares about my #1 boo cheating on me repeatedly with her worthless, jobless, inspiration-less, pointless, useless, greasy-ass, why-the-fuck-did-God-even-bother-making-this-total-piece-of-shit ex-boyfriend, which would be barely a step above fucking a homeless guy in a dumpster, because he's such a goddamn loser and I can't understand anyone looking at the guy and saying, "Yeah, I'd make a drive to get THAT guy's dick in me."

But in my dream, that was the piece of shit she went back to for mo' loserdick because who the fuck knows.

And then, in the dream, I fuckin HUNG myself.

I don't think I want the Tut again, homies Fuck that shit in the face.

Wiped out in a rehydration/mold disaster. Lessons learned. I hope to get this one again in the future.

Update:  I got more!!

(I also feel the need to say that I KNOW how to legit spell "Sherbet," but this shit's name is traditionally spelled with the extra "R." I sometimes act like a damn fool, but I'm not a damn idiot)

-----

Nice high. Lights seemed fuzzy and I was walking a little funny. I was grinning like a fool at random intervals. I felt happy, horny, and really FUNNY. In fact, pretty much everything I typed after I smoked this was funny. Here's a sample:

"I'ma gettin' LOST in the grip of the munchiesnessness and the weednessness."

"I'm going to try standing up. It should be like Hulk Hogan finally getting up, shaking, with his eyes bulging, and then pointing at his oppontent, whom we all KNOW is about to get his shit WRECKED.

Except far more lame. My standing up from my office chair to go get some kind of snacky food is far more lame. And pathetic. Yeah, more pathetic."

"As I stood up from my office chair to go on my snackyfood run, the bassline to Blondie's 'Rapture' started playing in my head."

Overall, this was a good, fun high. Not outstanding. But good.

Wiped out in a rehydration/mold disaster. Lessons learned. I hope to get this one again in the future.

Update:  I got more!!

----

Okay.  A few months later. Here's what I just done did, starting round midnight:

1. Smoked about half-blunt of Alaskan Thunder Fuck outside. Tasted fine. Very smooth. I felt a little lifted before I even finished this shit.

2. Did some dishes while watching some YouTube. I felt a little floaty but paid close attention.

3. Came to my office room. I'm here.

----

And then I watched some more YouTube and fell asleep. This was an okay strain; I didn't get superhorny or superexcited or superanything. I might need to give it another shot sometime because this shit did not live up to its name or reputation.

This was a really good, solid Sativa high! I don't rememeber many details, but I will gladly give it another shot for another review, because I remember it being good shit.

----

And here's that another review. It's a few months later. I've got some fresher, somewhat stickier Maui Wowie, and I've just smoked a good portion of a blunt of it. I was feeling depressed, so yeah, it was a little over half of a skinny blunt.

So, I'm guzzling a homemade mango smoothie that I call Monster Mango. I hope nobody else has copyrighted that shit. It includes: An assload of frozen mango chunks. Not a massload. A massload is two times the amount of an assload. Fuck, use a massload if you want a really big fuckin Monster Mango smoothe.  Anyway: Water. Some wicked vanilla protein powder shit. That's it. It's damn good, in theory it's good for you, and also in theory the mango will chemically extend this beautifully blissful high.

And I don't feel quite like an absolute moron like I sometimes do when I'm high. I feel like I could focus. This would be good sex weed.

I'm watching some clips of "Pawn Stars," which is decidedly unsexy. I'm not normally into this show, but I'm finding some entertainment in it.

Now I'm tired again. And still a little down.

I smoked a few hits from a medium-sized glass pipe; this was really old by this point (I bought it over a year before this FIRST time smoking it) but I'd stored it well, so I wasn't sure what to expect.

It tasted good but felt a lot less smooth than a lot of the shit (both new and old) that I've smoked lately.

Once back inside, I found myself fascinated by a sound that I thought was coming from a ceiling fan. (I was only partially right.)

Goddamn it why can't peanut butter M&Ms be good for me? Theyy've got peanut butter. Peanut butter made from peanuts. Healthy peanuts with protein.

And I think chocolate is good for your heart, right?

I mean, unless you're a dog. Its pretty fucking not-so-heart-healthy if you're a dog.

Death by poisioning by chocolate: a ruff way to go.

I thought about how funny some names sound if you spell them backwards and try to read 'em.

And then, at some point after that... I passed out.

I had held off on smoking Blue Dream because it was just soooo popular and I'm like a strain hipster. I like looking up the weird, rare strains, and smoking Blue Dream is pretty much one of the most mainstream strains out there.

But, the hype was real. This was one of the most pleasurable highs I've had in a while. My vision was "rippling" with parts of the room moving in and out and waving back and forth. Yet, I still felt really coherent and could hold a conversation.

I was also horny as fuck, but that didn't last long because a little while into this, I "hit a wall" and passed out. That was the bad part but the high before it still made this one a "Yes." So so good.

More research is coming.

This one I tried solo, and it fucked me up in very good ways! When I watched some porn, my brain decided to take my attention away to construct and show me the backstory of the actress' character's brother, who was never shown or even mentioned in the video. Then, once my brain got back to "watching," it felt like I was actually there in the same room with the scene. Very trippy.

Then, I ate some Charleston Chew bites together with some peanuts and they tasted kind of like a Goo Goo Cluster, and I had to wonder... are those even made anymore?  I thought about how much I missed them.

My brain then started composing impromptu tunes for the soundtrack to this very trippy experience... and a lot of them were very 1960s mellow-hippie-scene-in a spy movie soundtrack-sounding but really, really good.

Then, I noticed I got the MAD munchies.

Then, I reminisced about how Ritz crackers used to be flat on one side, but they weren't anymore. (In retrospect I think they still are.)

The only other thing I noted was that I got a little more throat irritation from this one than usual. That might not have had anything to do with the strain, though, and I WILL try the XJ-13 again. Niiiiiiiiiiice shit!

----

Second review:  Over two years later, same batch!!!

HOLY WOWZERS this shit is still AMAZINGG.

Isn't it funny how money works? At one point you do something and people far above you who pull the strings are all like, "Ok so now you're worth THIS much."

I'm thinking about my garage when I was a kid, fam. I miss my house from when I was a kid. If I ever get a shitton of money in my pocket, I'm buying an island, then buying my childhood home, then paying to have it dug out and shipped to my island.

I wouldn't live in it full time. I'd put it next to my mansion so that I could occasionally go visit the old house.

I wonder if anyone has ever whipped out a stopwatch and secretly timed me when I left a room to go to the bathroom?

When I close my eyes I can visualize the room spinning... but then the room keeps changing to other locations, still spinning.

You know who I miss? Biz Markie. And a lot of other people. But Biz Markie in particular at this moment here right now. Who the fuck else is gonna give us "Biz's Beat of the Day?"

Sometimes it takes my messages a while to change from "S" status to "D" status in Kik. Imagine if the backup of messages, like the delay that hangs them in "S," was because each transmission had to be individually reviewed and approved by a small child hired by Kik headquarters as a reviewer before the message would be sent?  Like, they would just have a squad of kids reading all of the Kik messages in the world being sent.

If someone gets their head split open with an ax, I wonder if it's a whole lot harder for the morticians to try to reconstruct the skull and face parts if the axes comes down upon it at an angle rather than from the top, straight down the middle.

Yes

So, I kept this all Boveda'd up for over a year after buying it.  I might have tried it once along the way, but I don't think so.

Tonight, about 1 in the morning, I just had two good hits from a little bitty glass pipe.

I'm feeling my my brain is frosted and snow is falling upon it, so it's going to get frostier and frostier.

Luckily I had the smarts to cook myself a fuckin wicked double cheeseburger in advance.

Now, this burger is making me happy. I'm at peace. Gonna watch some Netflix.

This is suuuuuch a good chill, fam.I'm so chilled out right now that I think Buddhist cows should be worshippin ME.

-----

Review #2, a week or two later.  I had completely forgotten that I have already reviewed Bob Ross, then packed a bowl, and then found this review. Oops. well, here's some more about Bob Ross, fam!

Okay, hear me out. Make yourself some coffee. Add some coconut creamer. Drop ginger snaps in one at a time and then pull them out with a spoon and fuckin devour them. They taste like freedom and kickass sunshine, fam. Choice.

You know what? I bet the world hasn't had many anorexic stoners. Think about it.

They should make a PS4 game about trying to drop lint into coffee. You're the Foreign Debris Fairy and your job is to fly across a room with a crowded party and drop random shit into people's coffee. That would be HILARIOUS.

Oh man, these ginger snaps were given to my #1 Boo as a gift from a work associate or friend or some shit. These are GOURMET shit, homies. I think they got real ginger crystal nugget thingies in them.

#blessed.

I'm currently under the influence of about a half-joint of some well-aged Triple Diesel, and it is a creeper. I was expectin to get FUCKED UP from this shit and I can tell that I'm high but I feel like I should be higher than I am.

Quite a while later... I'm sitting here quite coherent.  I can tell I'm buzzed and this might make okay sex weed, but I'm not nearly as jacked up in the head as I thought I would be from this shit.

--------

Overall, maybe it was the age of the weed (but I'd kept good care of it), but this was not the experience I would expect from a Diesel sativa.  I could tell I was high, but it didn't get the job done like I thought it would.  Not bad social weed, maybe, but that's all I'd really say for it.  I wouldn't buy it again.

DAMN SON! This shit is fire! It was like my brain took off with some weird, sexy expansion but I didn't get muddled down or feel like I was time traveling or shit. It was a good, solid high and I loved it!! Also, I felt horny but wasn't able to get with my boo to try that out. In any case I LOVE ME SOME JILLYBEAN HOMIES!

-----

Over a year later, Same batch... tried again for review. It's a little past 1 AM. I packed a deep bowl tonight and took two pretty steep bong hits, maybe around 10 minutes ago.. My thoughts are racing so fast that I'm having to force my brain to slow down so I can type sentences like this.

Mind is spinning and my thoughts are feeling like I'm viewing life in the form of a zoetrope.

I was so hungry earlier.. like SEVERE munchies that were physically hurting. Now I'm eating donuts and I feel almost nauseous, like I've been punched in the gut. Really weird.  I'm hearing Boyz II Men in my head ssinging, "I've been phyiscally hurtiiiiiiing..." with the barbershop-esque harmony vocals in the background.

The skin across my chest feels like it's rippling... like my skin cells were doing "the wave" on an atomic level... heart rate's up. Moving my head about three inches just gave me a fuckin HUGE head rush.

Something that I just told myself that I needed to make sure that I wrote here so I'd remember it later on: The phrase "Godlike resentment."

I can feel the rush of the donut molecules as they break apart on my tongue.

I'm hearing oompa bands in my head as if one were at a German festival, in Germany.

I'm surfacing on the top of a wave on my surfboard of consciousness, barely keeping my brain functions active. This is the most high I've been in a long while.

I feel like my head might be twitching like Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly." Thoughts are racing. I feel like I'm on top of a balloon, precariously balanced on top of it, as it floats high up into space and I can only hope it comes back down sometime soon...

I've coughed a lot over the last few minutes.  Hoooooly shit back of my throat feels shredded.

Even with the cough drop that I have in my mouth, the irritation in my throat keeps bugging me

This high is really, REALLY intense.

Depends. Are you wanting to know where the fuck you are? Be careful and take it easy. This shit had me having VISIONS, yo. I was visiting the past and maybe the future and being different people,bad guys and good guys, in different eras of time, in different places, ALL at ONCE.

My brain was on overdrive and I was so fucked up I was afraid to walk. It's good shit if you want a SERIOUS trip, but if you want things to be at all coherent, steer clear of the Alpha Blue.

(Just so you know, this shit is also known as Alpha Blue Diesel.  Same thing.)

Just a really good, fun rush. I felt like I wanted to go bang a hottie with a VENGEANCE. The only bad thing is that Space Queen is now hard as FUCK to find. So I gotta do some hunting.

Update: I smoked some Space Queen with my #1 honey last night and we didn't get horny. we started playing and both passed the FUCK out. It was just too damn relaxing (crazy for a sativa-dominant) and very unlike what I had experienced the first time I smoked Space Queen - and it was the same batch! We'll try again soon.

-----

Mazar,
Blueberry OG

I can tell you that I really, really liked Skywalker OG, but I don't remember how it was.  I'll give it another try and update here later.

The best part about this strain is the fuckin name. I heard it was a good arousing strain, so #1 Honey and I tried it as fuck weed. Not very impressive. I need to try it again on my own to be able to give a better review because I don't remember many details.

---

Review 2:  A year or two later, I smoked a join of this shit I had rolled long ago. I felt relaxed and a little horny from it, but not enough to go to the ends of the earth trying to hunt it down again.

This was yet another one that I smoked a long time after I originally bought it. I had a blunt or joint or whatever that was rolled up in a palm leaf. a motherfuckin palm leaf!

I'm about 5 minutes after taking 4-5 hits of this shit. Oh damn. my eyesight is getting bubbly. I'm feeling like I should start sentences in lowercase more often. But I still don't want to.

I'm watching porn right now with an actress who's sounding so dumb that I'm wondering if she is legit mentally challenged or just really stoned or whatever.

I'm feeling like I'm floating on a river of molten gold. That sentence didn't originally include the word "molten," but then I thought about it and felt that the sentence would seem more sophisticated and sexier if it included "molten," so then I added "molten" back in. Molten.

I'm not seriously horny right now, but I feel like if I were fucking it would feel pretty outstanding. I would have said "pretty fucking" outstanding but I didn't want to be redundant.

Whatever happened to Daft Punk, fam? It's been a while. Too long.

I am SET, fam. I got some crackers with garlic cheese and I don't have to be doin SHIT right now. Yummmmm

Imagine if there was a brand of crackers where every time you finished a bag of the crackers, someone you really really disliked/hated would drop dead. I'd buy me a SHITLOAD of them. Use about a half-dozen right away, then save a bunch of them for later.

Okay. My thoughts are rushing. I'll think of things, then wonder if I should type about them, and just as I'm grasping that question another thought zooms by and I have to catch that thought before I forget it, only to get distracted again by more thoughts about these thoughts.

I just thought of these cracker fragments breaking down and becoming more and more pixelized as they went down my esophagus. whoa.

Now I'm thinking of... oh shit I just forgot. The word "fuckbox" is funny. See? caught that thought. NAILED IT

I want people to truly believe that I don't give a shit about what they think of me a lot of the time... but inside I really do give a massive jumbo hippo shit about what people think of me.

If I eat all this garlic dip, #1 boo is gonna be pisssssed because she's the one who bought it.

97% of quizzes on Facebook are fucking garbage.

I think I just had a series of tiny gas bubbles come up my throat... and their popping made a noise that sounded like someone knocking on a wooden door.

Imagine being an actor on "Seinfeld," and then later, on your death bed, deeply consider which was the last Seinfeld episode you ever watched? Would you feel regret that it wasn't a better episode?

When we call people "special guest stars," we really are pumping up their ego a bit too much, aren't we?

Wowww what a sativa rush this one has. I feel like I'm making a tower out of Lego-esque blocks, and I don't have the tower built yet, but just from looking ahead at the colors of the blocks, I can tell you what the sequence of the blocks in the tower are going to look like. Damn that sounded intellectual there.

Ohhhhh I hate eating Hershey Kisses when my trash can is already full. I'm just kidding I love eating Hershey Kisses almost any time and a full trash can isn't going to stop me.

The movie being haphazardly splattered together in my brain as I type this is actually more interesting to watch than the porn that I had playing, then hit "pause" on maybe 10 minutes ago.

Here's a terrifying thought to me: What if minotaurs were real? I'd freak out if I accidentally ran into one at the supermarket or target or something. I feel like that's awfully racist of me to think that way because a lot of minotaurs (minotaurae?) could end up being really wonderful individuals. Not all minotaureses are assholes, no matter what the media might be telling you.

Okay, judging from the mixture of sensations in my mouth, I'm thinking that chocolate and garlic are a nice combo. Not sure if they should be cooked together, though.

I wonder what would happen if your... whoa. I had something and now the end of that sentence is gone.

I must be high because these Kisses taste like premium chocolate right now!

I at least hope these Kisses weren't brought to reality by the hard chocolate-harvesting child slave labor in some other country.

I am digging this Golden Goat, fam. The munchies are fucking MAJOR with this one but I'm feeling good. I feel good and dulled-down.

Purple Urkle,
Gage Green (?)

Okay... so, I heard great things about Acapulco Gold. WOW they were not wrong. This stuff made me and my #1 boo more sensitive to touch and (in my case) considerably hornier. Even her voice was turning me on more. Plus, I kept a clear head and I didn't keep getting distracted by unnecessary visuals and shit. GOOD sex weed. This is one I'll keep in permanent rotation if I can.

So a little background before I blaze this shit up: Ya boy Wang's not in a great mood, fam. I was driving home this evening and I wasn't even thinkin about gettin high. I just was sad. I got betrayed by the girly girl I loved about a year ago and it still stings. I been on dates. Some get high, some don't.

So, I've got some creative shit I'd like to get done tonight. As I was drivin home I got my bluetooth audio on and I yelled, "Hey, Google, what is a good weed strain for creativity?" The Google lady pulled up a site and the first one she said was Sour Diesel. I'd had a little bit of Sour Diesel around, well preserved, for YEARS. Like, over three years. But it still smelled decent! I rolled all I had of that shit up (not much) in a blueberry blunt wrap and that's what I'm blazin up... right... now.

Now... I KNOW that I smoked some of this shit before, long ago. And Sour Diesel is part of SO FUCKING MANY strains I love. I can definitely smell that gas taste in it on the inhale. It's not bad! That blueberry wrap is helping the smell of the experience, too. I'm not paid by anybody but Lion Rolling Circus makes some kickass wraps. (Strawberry kicks ass, blueberry kicks ass, bubble gum aint too bad, chocolate kicks ass, but the Tequila wraps? Naw, fam. Those tequila wraps just aint the way.)

The package has a person who looks like Tim Curry in Rocky Horror. It's funny. Thank you, wrappy wraps, for not being Tim Curry flavored. Or any kind of curry flavored. I feel so English - talkin about curry and petrol. I can sometimes be an internationlly cultured motherfucker.

WHOA I just a bit of a harsh hit. On some four-year-old weed? NO SHIT? No shit. I'm still blazin and writin, writin and blazin, watchin me some fuckin Fargo and typin up this review. And the high is hittin. It's fuckin HITTIN, fam.

----the actual review right here -----

Okay. Imagine the chill of a good mellow high but without the massive head rush, time scrambling, etc. I am NOT in the MOOD to GIVE A PAIR OF FLYING FUCKS. I am having the type of chill that kind of reminds me of MK Ultra, which I deeply dig.

----------next morning----------------

And then... shit you not... I passed out.

I had started doing some shit on my laptop, and I got maybe ten minutes into it. I had already been tired, but unlike a lot of these reviews, this one was taking place early in the evening - about 7 PM. I was already sitting in bed, and this here Sour Diesel knocked me on my ASS, yo. Next thing i knew I was waking up around 3 AM, and then I kind of looked around and went back to sleep, and woke up a little after 5 AM.

I'm not gonna completely blame the Sour D. Like I said, I was already tired, plus a little stressed, which makes me even more tired. And that Sour D was a good high! I just didn't expect it to kick my ass that quickly.

I'm giving this a "YES" for now. That high felt awesome and I was definitely horny. I had enough for a short skinny blunt, but I wasn't sharin it with someone. So maybe I smoked too much all at once. Fuck. I'll get some more soon.

Okay, I had this shit around for almost a YEAR before I finally reviewed it... and because I stored it right it still glistened with trichomes, fam!

Rolled it up in blueberry paper and sparked that shit up. A little peppery, but fairly smooth. My lungs feel a little heavy from it, but not bad.

Snacks and drink are tasting like fuckin heaven right now.  I feel lightheaded and cool but not too trippy.  I could sleep soon but I'm not in crash city just yet.

--- [and then I crashed soon after].

This is another one that I bought at a dispensary and then ended up putting on the back burner (no pun, fam) for several months before finally giving it a try.

I smoked about half a joint outside and then came back in. While getting a snack I felt nostalgic, but in a good way. I kept repeating that phrase in my head - "Nostlagic but in a good way." I felt at peace, and more relaxed, but very alert at the same time.

I'm now sitting down thinking about the old days, hanging at the mall, worried about things that in the long run made little difference. I'm not horny, but I don't feel like I "need" sex.  I feel a weird, zen-like calm.

I just went back to the kitchen and chopped up two apples for additional (and more healthy) snacks. I was focused enough to do so, but also high enough to enjoy doing it and fascinated by different species of apples and their textures.

I sat down intending to watch a comedy but ended up picking some horror B-movie.

So, this was another one that I bought a LONG time before I got around to smoking it.

The results:  A marginel "Yes." I was already sleepy, and this just kind of added floaty to the mix. I know I was able to watch some Netflix and pay attention to what Iw as watching at the time, although now that it's the next morning, I don't remember what I watched. I was a little lonely and this didn't help. This might be good for socilaizing with homies but I wouldn't go so far as to try to track it down.

The bad news: #1 honey had MAD coughing with this one and couldn't take much of it. However, the good news: I REALLY enjoyed it and we had pretty awesome sex afterward. Not the best fuck weed ever, but really GOOD.

------

Second try: Months later, solo, late night. I definitely got high and my thoughts weren't making the most sense.  I was horny but not "motivated" enough to do much about it. Plus... I had a cough on my last hit and the cottonmouth made the back of my throat quite painful, no matter how much water I drank.

-------

Third try:  I'm fucking hilarious. I got a couple of the little baked Little Debbie cherry pies out of the pantry, and in my head I started hearing "She's my cherry pie" like the crappy old Warrant song.

Then my brain lisped... and I envisioned a bunch of Amish dudes like a choir singing, "Thee's my cherry pie."

Then, I envisioned them being on TV, and Mike Tyson seeings on the TV, and then pointing at the TV and saying "Thethe Motherfuckerth thpittin."

Maybe? I didn't fill this part in when I reviewed it and I guess I passed out after the bit about the strawberries.

Okay, by the time that I finally got around to smoking this shit, it was ollllllld.  But it was good.  I'm high on it right now.

Why is it that straweberries are one of the best fuckin high snacks ever? Damn. I love me some strawberies.

#1 Honey and I shared a joint of this Django shit before going at it. There were four stages to the sex that night:

1.  Foreplay - amazing. High was building up and touch felt "different," like supercharged and sparkly.

2.  Later foreplay - good. I was in the state of "forgetting shit I just did done" and my brain was spewing up visuals and memories, both positive and negative, like a speed run through a slide show.

3. Attempted sex - Felt great for about three seconds. Then, it felt like my junk turned to fuckin GOO and I wasn't feeling hardly any friction, but she was still happy and feeling good. (Really good, multiple times, homeboy got mad skillz.) Then, the sensation came back for a few seconds and I felt amazing, more agressive, like a goddam sex god. Then... back to feeling like goo again. With this and the rapid-fire visuals and other feelings shooting through me, I felt self-conscious about shit and sure enough I wilted like a flan left outside on a hot sidewalk.

4. Lights out, muddafugga! I told her I needed to take a break, I laid down, and even though I felt AMAZING... I passed right out within a minute or three, and so did she.

We will probably try this very tough-to-find strain again at some point, but this was not a fun ride.

I am typing this one as I'm letting the effects of the Durban Poison wash over my soul for the first time. I took three or four good-sized hits from a decent bowl I'd packed. Got some snacks, chatted with a friend online.

I pondered the thought of opening a strip club, decorating it completely in gold, and calling it "Fort Knockers." Then, I realized that anyone wanting to make fun of my club could call it "Fart Knockers," and thus my business dreams were fuckin destroyed.

I also thought it would be a good idea for someone to make a remix of the Weeknd's "Blinding Lights" with an upscale Latin rhythm and the main keyboard part played on kettle drums.

The munchies were an issue, and while I was a little thirsty at one point, I didn't get a big case of dry mouth..

-----

So, quite a loooong time later, I'm changing my review of "Durban Poison" from "Yes" to "Fuck NO."

Last night, #1 Girly and I decided to smoke some Durban Poison before playtime. She was all wheeeeeee about it because she loves sativas and she'd never known that DP was a 100% sativa.

I was already tired. These results were MUY BADDO and NO FUCKIN BUENO, fam.

I had wanted her all night but instead I passed the FUCK out within maybe five minutes of smokin this shit. SAME shit that I'd had a good experience with before. I'd preserved it, sealed in a little mason jar with a Boveda pack that had not gone dry.

Next morning, she and I chatted online. She wasn't pissed at me but she HATED the Durban Poison.

In her own words:

"I was incapable of sleeping. I was anxious and tense and I think I just sat there on the bed for the better part of two hours. I feel tired from it and from sitting on the bed like I was, my back hurts."

I dont ever want to make someone feel like that again, fam. New strains are usually a pretty fun gamble but they're still a gamble.

Luckily she isn't pissed at me, but Durban Poison is mos def off the fuckin menu. Shit.

It's past midnight, and I am about to spark up and review some Mob Boss. It's an older batch, really old, which I rolled into a joint a long time ago then stuck into a plastic tube storage thingie. My mission: Get fucked up then watch something fuckin TERRIFYING on my tablet.

Got back to my desk from the garage, and I am smooth-out HIGH, fam. Like, it's been maybe 5 minutes, and I smoked about half of that fuckin joint. I'm clumsy and I feel smily. This is not bad shit, even as old as it is. Dry-mouth is there but not agonizing. Munchies are rising.

I feel like things around me are changing, but I'm not all-over-the-place with my thoughts. I sure as fuck wouldn't wanna drive a car right now. though. That would be bad.

Im trying to determine whether the dude in this movie is Bill Pullman or a Bill Pullman look-a-like.

Why is it that sometimes I don't give a shit about pudding but then later on I'm all like "You can pour 18 gallons of that shit down a funnel directly into my gullet. Please."

Being this high helps.  Holy shit, I almost typed "Being" as "Bening" like "Anne Bening."

Fuck I'm about 5 minutes into "The Grudge" and I am not following.  Had to go back a few minutes. Haha. Never seen this shit before. Heard of it.

No. Annette Bening. Not Anne.

Things I like: Having chocolate and eating chocolate. Thing I don't like: Running out of chocolate.

I took a BUNCH of hits off of a spoon pipe of Alien OG... and it didn't do much. I guess I felt a little chill and a couple of times the room felt "wavy," but there really wasn't much of an effect past that. I'll hopefully try it again in the future, but for the most part, Alien OG was borrrrrrring.

-------

Writing this YEARS later, fam. I just went to sort and catalog my stash... and Alien OG was GONE.  I couldn't find it during the last sort, either. Eerie as shit. No big loss... and let's all hope it didn't go to Area 51.

Okay... so, I thought this was "ok." High? Yes. But not out of my mind, which was good. But my boo tried it right before we got down to sexytime... and several minutes in she told me that she REALLY did not like this strain. She fuckin HELD OUT until it started wearing off before we got to playin - that's how much she thought it sucked. Boooooooo

=======

Over a year later now, and I have this same Green Crack batch stored away in my stash. I just smoked a little over half of one of my skinny blunts, yo. I already was not horny before smoking this, and I'm up by myself at about 1 AM, but I can tell you that I might really dig sex right now. Also, I am hungry as fuck. Luckily, I grabbed snacks-o-plenty as I hit up my kitchen between smoking and sitting at my desk.

I wonder who the fuck came up with the word "pistachio." It's like "Well, Ed, what do you call this thing?" "A peanut." "What about this one?" "A walnut." "And this one?" "A Brazil nut." "And this one?" "A fuckin PIS-TASSH-EE-O."

Thanks, Ed.  It's a fun word to say.

WHOA the high just crashed into the back of my brain like a little tidal wave. I feel definitely floaty and definitely chilled as fuck. And this is sativa-dominant? Wowwww.

I feel so lifted and chilled and I'm thinkin I was too hard on this shit before. HA I said "hard-on." I mean, I thought it was okay the first time I smoked it, my #1 boo just didn't like it. So now, solo mio, I'm liking this shit a lot more.

I wonder if the guy who named pistachios was ever roomates with the guy who named bananas. Or chick(s). I don't wanna be sexist here. I wonder what would happen if Montell Jordan ever forgot how we do it. If he did, the world might flip off of its axis and hurtle into the fuckin SUN.

Yes

Once it was a no but now it's a yesssssssss

This shit is WACKYPANTS CRAZYTOWN, fam. Holy fuck I'm high right now.

That was all that I was able to type before my brain just went too far gone. I don't remember what happened after that.  I was SO fucking high.

----

So, maybe YEARS after writing that shit, I tried my last remaining bits of White Lotus with my #1 girly and we played.

Was it effective? Fuck yeah.

Was it fun? Fuck yeah.

Am I going to give you the play-by-play, fam?

Sorry, but fuck no.

(Even if I wanted to, I can't remember it, but it was a fuckin CHOICE experience.)

So, this is a case where a strain got a definite "No" but then got a Yes on a second try. Everyone deserves a second chance. Except a few of my ex-girlfriends and rapists and mass murderers and shit. But White Lotus aint none of them.

I just smoked a little over half a joint of Moby Dick. FUCK this shit hit fast. I'm hearing hippy vocal melodies that don't exist in my head, and the air of the ceiling fan hitting my skin feels wickedly delightful.

I just thought of a TV series in which a fictional family just lived as miserably as possible, with very little comedy in it, and every week some new tragedy would befall a member of the family and that person would suffer in some agonizing way or get maimed or die.

I thought about the camera cutting away from reality for a few moments and going to some scene in a barn, with a friend of mine saying stuff about me. Then I snapped back to the here and now.

Okay, this shit made my skin sensitive and tingly. Good stuff, and I will be getting more of it for my stash. Can't wait to use this during sexytime!

-----

Second review, different batch, several months later. Last night I smoked about half of a blunt of this shit. I then worked out for a while and sat down to watch an old horror movie. I felt a little buzzed, but not as much as I thought I would. If this'd been my first review of Flo, then it would have been a negative.

-----

Third review, combined mix of little bits of both first and second batches, ground together in a blunt.  THIS time it's more impactful. I can feel my consciousness radiating out through my chest and arms.

I just looked up at my sentence saying "it's more impactful," and for a few moments I thought it said "it's more beautiful." Which is true. I have a lot of shit to be stressed about but right now I just don't feel like giving a fuuuuuuuuuuck.

I just thought of the word "masturbate" and mentally went through it, trying to remember the correct position of the letter "L" in the word, for just a moment or two.

[Then I fell asleep before I could watch anything.]

Okay. Whoa. This is a trip. I'm about fifteen minutes after smoking a little Forest Dream out of a tiny glass pipe. After typing that, I had to ask myself if the pipe really qualified as glass, and if glass (as a substance) was made in a "clear" version.

My thoughts are speed-racing through different subject matters, memories, etc. I was feeling depressed before I smoked this one, and the shit got me feeling like I can be peaceful with practically everything in the world. I'm not grinny mcgrinnerson, but I'm definitely feeling not-low.

Now I'm thinking about whether I would rather bang Alison Brie or Gillian Jacobs. I just thought about how the name "Dr. Wang" can be shortened to "Dwang."

I feel intellectually dumber but my heart rate is definitely up (the pounding of my heart a few minutes ago sounded awesome in my ears), and this is DEFINITELY a get-me-BONERRIFIC strain. I want a hottie to play "BonerPony Marathon" with me.

I'm hearing drastic, suspenseful piano music in my ears.

[Shortly after that... I passed out.  In retrospect:  Good pot, but not extrordinary.]

[Additional retrospective note: Alison Brie.]

Okay, this has some good and bad elements. Granted, I wanted to smoke an indica to relax tonight, but enough to get more fucked up than usual... so I smoked most of a larger-than-my-normal blunt. Sheeeeitt.

I'll say that it made me horny right off the bat. Kind of warm, kind of horny, definitely wanting to fuck, but not desperately

Then, nastalgic. Like, really missing homies and times gone by.

I just envisioned myself floating in space in an astronaut suit while "Something I Can Never Have" played eerily in the distance. But I know I couldn't hear it. Because space.

------

Next day restrospect: It wasn't the worst I've ever had, but I just felt sad. and that sadness kind of multiplied. I might try it again later but for now, no.

Okay. This is gonna be one of those where I'm superhigh when I write it.

I bought this shit because I'd heard it was a wicked aphrodisiac strain, hoping for a special occasion to come around, but I never got around to trying it. That was over a fuckin YEAR ago.

Tonight, I decided I was finally going to try Rainbow.  So I just smoked three BIG ol bong hits in the garage... and then walked back in, and before I was even all the down the hall to my desk here... I was already high. I made up a song as I walked down the hall:

"Sloppy feet, sloppy feet, walkin' around with my sloppy feet."

.I'm about fifteen minutes in and I can barely write a sentence. I feel chilled, like literally like my blood vessels have gotten cooled down. My grammar's shot. I just imagined a whole scenario in which I envisioned Kelsey Grammer reading me saying "My grammar's shot" on my website and then suing me because he thought I was making a veiled death threat at him.

I feel stupid, but not contageous. I feel silly. My skin feels nice. Yeah, I can imagine gettin' it on with this shit.

I feel like dancing..

I can't believe this shit was over a year old! I am SO fuckin high right now, but I feel like 45 degree-angle high - brain's not too crazy but not too dumb.

I'm drinking a monster smoothie that I made just a little bit ago. It doesn't have monsters in it. It just tastes killer.

I just closed my eyes and zoned out for a bit. Then woke up, not knowing at first which direction I was facing or what room I was in.

---------

In retrospect, that was a little more intense and stupefying that I usually dig, but I'm still considering it a "Yes" and I look forward to trying it for sex weed.

---------

Okay... review #2. I'm sober right now but I had some of this shit late last night before I started doing some dishes. New batch, new review.

Fam.. this was... fuckin AWESOME.

I'd gotten a deal on some more Rainbow recently. Really good fuckin deal. Smoked about half a joint last night.

I played music and wanted to dance next to the dishwasher. I watched some YouTube videos and got superfocused on it, even though I had my tablet right there at the dishwasher. It took me a while to actually get started with the dishes.

I would think about some depressing shit and immediately it would roll off my brain.. like I just didn't give a fuck. I felt pleasant. Music sounded awesome. I eventually finished the dishes, got a snack, sat down for some Netflix, and didn't pass out at my desk, even though I felt really really relaxed. I was spacey but not really stupid. Oh, and I could tell that sex on this shit would have felt AMAZING.

I loved this shit, fam. LOVED IT.

I LOOOOVED this shit! It had me superfloaty and SUPERhorny within the first few minutes. I could see my vision "throbbing," but I didn't feel completely out of it. It felt so goddammed good. This will be in my rotation forever.

Maybe my third favorite strain after Atomic Northern Lights and Purple Dream. [Edit: Not anymore but it's still awesome tho]

-----

Second review, several months later, different batch from a different dispensary.  I smoked some Platinum GSC and then did some dishes.  I had such a good time; I watched some videos on YouTube while doing so, and I remained very chill and feelin really good. Like, this is an all-around great strain. Fuckin LOVE the Platinum GSC.

I waited a while after buying this one to try smoking it. Several months in fact. I just kept going for other strains in the stash and putting Channel+ aside.

Currently writing while high, and here's how fuckin high I am. I sat down, logged onto my computer to type this review, then decided to save a file I had open in a different application and close it. Once I had that done, I forgot why I had logged on and decided to check something on my phone. THEN it hit me that I was going to write this review.

I took three decent hits from a little glass pipe, then I worried that I hadn't gotten enough, because I didn't feel a buzz. The Channel+ high took a while to set in, but once it did... whoooooooaaaaaa

The indica side is certainly having its effects. My brain feels like it's been cooled to the point of slowing down. Also, the munchies are a fuckin THING with this one. Damn.

I'm feeling a little trippy/floaty but not totally zonked-out. I don't feel all that horny or funny, but I don't feel depressed. I definitely feel chilled out. Hell yeah.

====

In retrospect: Not bad weed at all! Not a favorite by a long shot but this would be a fun one to smoke with a few friends.

So I got done smokin' a skinny blunt of this about fifteen minutes before typing up this here review. fuck. It's late at night, fam.

Right now, it's about four or so years since I first bought this shit, and I hadnt reviewed it until now. I've had it well preseved in a jar and Boveda pack, and the buds are still soft and even a tiny bit sticky.

Okay. So basic bio needs: Did I get hungry? Yes. And I had a snack. Did I get thirsty? Yeah. And I had some water. Did I get horny? Not yet.

It's a little unfair that I took so long and I'm reviewing this. but just you all need to understand that if you bought this shit fresh, it would probably kick a bit more ass.

Okay, I'm feeling a little dizzier. Watchin some dumb shit on youtube.

===================

Okay. Next morning. Well that was somethin. I was enjoying myself but feeling tired, then exhausted, then... out.

But this wasn't a normal "pass the fuck out" moment. Oh no. Somewhere along the way, it appears that I restarted the laptop. I don't know why.

=================

So a little over a week later, last night, I tried a skinny blunt of this shit again. Up not-so-late, chatting with a former Wang-playmate.

I went and made myself some toast. It was AWESOME. I also poured myself a bunch of Cap'n Crunch, fam. It was ALSO AWESOME. The front of the box said "Crunch-a-tize me!" and I told her that when he was with one of his ladies, the Cap'n would probably yell "Crunch-a-tize me, bitch!" She thought it was pretty funny.

Then, I theorized that Cap'n Crunch was the type of dude who would tell the ladies to strictly call him "Cap'n" instead of his real name, which was probably "Eugene" or some shit. I thought it was pretty funny.

A little later, she started telling me about some kind of shit that she made called "pumpkin fluff salad." I didn't understand her at first and thought she said "You can fuck salad." And my Wang-mind started processing how one would go about fucking a salad.

It's also worth telling you that she told me "My favorite color is ass slap red." I just thought that was pretty funny.

Overall, I can tell you that this shit made food taste incredible, and it DID ramp up the horniness. We didn't do any phone play, but I can tell you that I wished she were here. But sometimes that's the way it goes, fam. Shit.

Good stuff, though.

Like it is with a lot of 'em, I'm writing this review LONG after I acquired the weed in question.

I rolled up a skinny blunt and smoked it outside around 1 in the morning. Lucky I was wise enough to get myself a bowl of grapes ready beforehand. I love grapes. They're so grapey.

I just spent about 15-20 minutes on Facebook and I regret it. It's not even that entertaining. This strain is interesting because I get superfocused. However, it also just took me about five tries to type "superfocused."

I don't wanna sleep yet so now I'm watching "The Conujuring 2." I like watching horror movies before I sleep because I hope that it'll give me FUCKED up dreams.

While I was outside smoking earlier, something had gone wrong nearby and I heard a siren. Then another. Then a symphony of sirens. It was beautiful, but I hope everything is all right.

This was old weed, but I was really expecting a bit more of a reaction. I'm enjoying this high, but it would be a better social high than anything.

I'll never be younger than I used to be. Isn't that sad?

Time for bed. I'm actually going there instead of passing out at my desk here. So that's a nice bonus.

So, I've had this Morning Glory for about a year and a half, and I had tried it once with #1 Boo several months ago, but it didn't seem outrageous.

So this is my second try, same batch... all my myyyyysellllf...

It's laaaaate night here, fam. Ten minutes ago, I wanted to get supa-baked, so I smoked a little over half of a skinny blunt of this shit... and it escorted my blues away, with the help of a microwaved leftover breakfast burrito from Sonic. The goodness from the veggies and eggs more than cancel out the not-so-good-for-you-ness of the cheese and tater tots inside.

I just sat here pressing my thumb against the sensor on my phone trying to unlock it. Three or four times, and it wouldn't unlock. The reason? It was already unlocked.

I'm THAT high.

Okay... so, I feel GOOD. I feel a little dumb. And I feel relaxed. Mentally I'm in the mood to fuck like a beast.

My chair feels like it's swaying. I feel groovalicious. My skin feels extra-sensitive. I'm seeing different scenes pop in my head, kind of like my experience with Alpha Blue. I'm feeling a little sad but slowly swinging back around to groovy. Remembering sad memories. Oof.

I'm seeing myself climbing a ladder up to the roof of a small flat business building. I'm seeing myself getting into an elevator. I'm seeing myself at an old office job. I'm seeing myself hanging out with David Bowie, with him pouncing around in a very realistic-looking tiger outfit.

I just thought that I shouldn't be considered gay for thinking that another dude is handsome. Like Macauley Culkin. I'd kill for his cheekbones.  Heck, I'd kill for cheekbones.

-------

[After that, my high went off the rails and I just passed out.  I never got around to watching anything on Netflix like I'd planned.   I'm giving this a "Yes," but there are other strains out there that I enjoy a lot more.]

AWESOME SEX WEED.  SEE SECOND REVIEW DOWN BELOW.

This is one that I found several months before I smoked it for the first time. With a name like "Purple Pineapple" I was superdupercurious.

And then I kept saying "I'll smoke this one soon" and didn't.

First thing I wanna say in this review: Even though it was quite old when I first smoked it, I'd kept it sealed up with a Boveda pack, and I'll be fucked in the ass with a jelly donut if this shit didn't smell like dark, dank pineapple when it was ground up!Impressive!

I wrapped it up in some pineapple-flavored paper and lit up. The smell/taste of this shit was like a perfumey incense. Not bad. The feeling: Energy. Motivation. A desire to move faster as I got snacks and went to sit down and type.

Thoughts going through my mind as I'm high: If I had three copies of me, all high, in a room at once, what would their conversation be like?

Isn't there a cult that worships weed like a god? I'm not quite to that point yet. But it doesn't sound like a bad place to hang out.

My equilibrum is weird. I feel like my body is literally elevating.

What if the Virgin Mary, after telling Joseph that she got knocked up by God and then had the baby, ended up being a lousy lay? Joseph would have had reason to be doubly pissed.

Shit, fam, the Wang-Man could definitely go for a lay right now, lousy or otherwise. I'm not necessarily hornier than usual but the euphoria I feel could tell me that getting to fuck right now would be a prime experience.

Now, a session of chillitude is settling into my brain. I know this is a sativa but I'm gettin smooved-out. Ya know? I feel like dancing to some Happy Mondays or some shit. Damn. This is good.

I went to the restroom and then got more ice cream. During this time, I wrote the chorus to an impromptu rap song called "Back in the Hizzle Like Mrs. Frizzle."

I also thought about one of my college math professors, who would often say "Good, good, good,", and Abed from "Community," who often says "Cool, cool, cool."

I'm sitting back down and making my fat ass fatter and my thoughts are jumping from here to there pretty quickly, but I can still concentrate on things a little, and I'm not anxious. just pleasurably high.

I just combined coconut ice cream with cherry chocolate chip ice cream. It tasted so damn good it almost gave me a damn diabetes stroke right here.

Oh, I am FUCKED.

The AC is hitting me in the face. I feel like I'm a tulip flowing to and fro in the breeze next to my tulip brethren.

Shit. What is the difference between a clam and an oyster? Is it just the more wiggly shape of the oyster shell? Are oysters and clams related the same way that Ruffles and regular chips are related?

No wait. Inside the shell, Clams are little wormy things that can squirt, and oysters are basically goo. oooo.

"I'm schoolin' you
like Mr. Magoo
And I'm up in the hizzle
Like Mrs. Frizzle."

Dammit, Mrs. Frizzle!

Not sure whether to watch porn or a regular movie. Going for a regular movie.

I thought I opened Prime Video. Then I had a hard time finding a show I wanted to watch. Then I realize I'd opened Amazon Music.

====

[I fell asleep while watching some "Trailer Park Boys." Overall, this seemed like one that could be a really good sex strain - and it did make my mind a lil too spacy, but it was REALLY fun.]

=====

SECOND REVIEW: HOLY SHIT, HOMIES.

I tried a little bit of this with with my new girly (not my old boo; she and I are now dunzo) and it was fucking amazinggggg

We shared about half of a cone I filled up with the last remaining bits of Purple Pineapple I had.

Libidos: Boosted

Inhibitions: Muted

Sense of touch: Fuckin awesome

When you're loving everything that you're doing to one another and asking for shit that you normally wouldn't ask for because you don't give a fuck anymore, then that makes it phenomenal sex weeed. SOME OF THE BEST SEX WEED I'VE EVER HAD. WE EVEN ENJOYED IT MORE THAN SEXXPOT.

Holy fuck, shut the door and dim the fuckin lights, we gonna need some more of this shit pronto.

----

Update: Ran out and bought an OUNCE of this shit. FUCKyeah. LET THE GAMES BEGIN

I smoked a few good hits from a small glass pipe of this here Casey Jones about ten minutes ago.

This one is known for giving energy, and I can tell you that I felt like the Flash. I was bringing snacks to my desk and as I went back to the kitchen to grab some water I found myself DASHING to that fuckin kitchen, fam. Fuuuuck.

I am BEAUTIFULLY BAKED right now.  I bought this stuff maybe about a year and a half ago, then kept choosing other strains. Don't know what I had against this one; I just kept choosing something else.

FINALLY - I tried three little hits. And I'm like GONE right now, fam.  I feel chilled out and dumb, but in the way that I even forgot what to do after pressing Ctrl+F to do a search on this page.

And now I am feeling SUPERaroused.  I'm also dropping cookies (alphabet cookies and ginger snaps) into my coffee, recovering them, and eating them.

Hey, what do Starbucks employees do when they take their breaks?  Masturbatte.

That's supposed to sound like "latte," fam.

I feel like this stuff would seriously turn me into a sexual jackhammer like that time I fucked while high on Logan's Run.

=====

So, second review.This shit must make me all snacky

[And then I must have passed the fuck out.]

While smoking a tasty joint of this shit - which had been in my stash for a LONG while, homies - I had one of those intuitional moments and something told me, "Yo, Wangster, you betta only smoke a little of this."

So, I stopped about halfway into what I would have smoked. Oh ho ho ho ho I'm glad I did. I'm about five minutes later and I am higggggh.

Within about a minute of smoking this... whoa. I felt happy. Like, light-hearted happy town, fam.

I gots myself a snacky snack and headed to my desk to type. I'm thinking of writing thinks like "ooooh-WEEEE, DAWG!" to describe the feeling but you know I don't write like that.

I feel like my brain stem has been perked up, and I'm "mentally horny" but I don't feel physically turned-on.

So now I'm watching some comedy on Netflix. I'm grinny. This is GREAT. I want to hang out at a party even tho I might make an ASS of myself.

About ten minutes later... I'm feeling chill and sociable. This really is a good strain and I don't feel my thoughts going over a place even though it's supposed to be a 75% sativa. I can concentrate on the Trailer Park Boys. LOL.

I smoked most of a whole [skinny] joint of Critical Kush, and I felt more relaxed, but I also didn't get loopy or out of my head. However, I was also hoping this might do something for my insomnia... and after staying up after around a half hour or so after smoking, I could NOT get to sleep for a while. Twisted, turned, tried to konk out, couldn't. This shit would be fine for time with friends just chillin. But don't expect a lot more than that.

Oh BABY this is a damn fine high! I sat out in a lounge chair in the backyard about ten minutes ago (it's midnight now) and smoked a little over half of a slim blunt. I did feel some paranoia; I though it sounded like someone was in the next yard over, moving. Once I got back in, the mind chillin-ness took over. How do I feel now, fam? FUCKIN GROOVY.

I picked up a chocolate chip cookie on the way back to my desk to write this. I took the biggest one because I'm the HIGHEST MOFO IN THE HOUSE right now. Real talk.

And goddam that chocolate chip cookie is CHOICE, fam. Hittin the fuckin spot.

I don't feel horny right now. That I can tell you. I wasn't to begin with, and I've been through some stress lately, so that might be why.

I feel like partyin with my homies and dancing like a fool to "No Diggity."

And now I've finished my cookie, I'm drinking some water, and I'm watching a scary movie. I'm in the mood to feel creeped out.

-----

In retrospect, next morning: The movie ("The Lie" on AmazonPrime) wasn't that scary, but that was indeed a DAMN FINE HIGH.

This one made me feel like my whole body turned into a damn liquid and flowed back and forth with my #1 boo. Sex was really, really good and long-lasting, but also very psychedelic feeling.  This shit was fun!

......

SECOND try, same batch, Holy SHIT. I tried this one again during some daytime that I had free. The last time, boo and I had smoked it at night, so then we slept it off after. During the daytime, I AGAIN got that great "liquidy" feeling... like I was melting into whatever was around me, time slowed down, and if I got up and walked around and sat back down, I couldn't even remember sitting back down. I felt silly and happy. It was awesome! However, bad news: I was high for HOURRRRRS. Maybe six or seven hours. It was a LONG ASS time. Do I like Paris OG? Fuckyeah. Do I plan on smoking some if I have ANYTHING to do for several hours? No way, fam.

After reading pretty amazing reviews about Harlequin, I gave it a try and I have to say THIS SHIT is IMPRESSIVE.

I took a few good hits out of a silicone oil can bong. within a few minutes afterward, I was high but time and space weren't breaking apart or anything like that.

If I looked at something my focus would sometimes hone in on it like there was a spotlight on it and my peripheral vision was dimmer. If I thought about negative shit like people who have done me wrong, my brain would switch over to something else, but it wasn't like my neurons were rapid-firing.

It was a solid sativa high - oh, and I was HORNY, but no shock there. However, after sitting down for a while, chatting online and trying to decide what to do next... I passed the fuckout. Like, "off switch" passed out. BOOM.

Still, a great high while it lasted. Consider me a maaaajor fan of the Harlequin!

--------

Another experience, several months later: Smoked a bowl of Harlequin last night before playing some video games. Had a blast. Laughing, high-fiving, really enjoying myself, but still there "in the moment." People who didn't know I was high didn't realize anything was up. I was just uplifted. It was really cool.

About five minutes after smoking a small bowl of this shit, I brought a large cup of water and a big bowl of cereal to my desk. When I put the cup on the desk, I accidentally tipped it over. When I reacted to that happening, I put the cereal bowl down (unevenly) and it fell over, too, splashing almond milk and cereal on my desk, on the bottom of my pant leg, etc. I didn't even feel really high yet, I was just clumsy.

Luckily, nothing of major value was damaged, and I now have it wiped up. I am sitting still but I feel like my body is being rocked by a heavy heartbeat.

I'm about fifteen minutes later now... Time has seeme to slow down and I got really horny.

Then, I watched most of a suspense/horror movie and didn't fall asleep.  I noticed as the high wore off, over the course of about an hour and a half, which was nice.

I had heard AWESOME things about Purple Voodoo, so I took a fairly lengthy trip to acquire a SHITload of it.  It was supposed to be a really, really good aphrodisiac weed.

So, when #1 honey and I decided to give it a try before gettin' busy in the bedroom, I was sure we were going to have FuckFest 2019 on our hands. Not so much. Two bong hits each and after a bit of foreplay, we were both so fuckin wasted that sex wasn't enjoyable. I kept seeing different graphics and visuals and shit in my head and they kept changing every few seconds. She couldn't even stay aroused. Neither of us came. She fell asleep while weakly attempting to kick-start things back into gear. It was pathetic.

To it's credit, Purple Voodoo's high lasted a LONGass time, and if you want something that will basically grab your perception of reality by the dick and completely tear it apart, this is a great strain. However, for sex? Not so much. NO. Just so much no.

This smoke, from a joint that I'd actually rolled several months ago then stuck into a tube, was not the smoothest, but it was fairly smooth and really nice.  It hit me FAST - I felt affected before I was even done smoking it, and I still had plenty left for later.

I'm quite high and feeling content but also feeling like I'm missing chunks of short-term memory time, like the memories of going up and down the hallway.

[During the rest of the high, I contemplated whether grapes grew on trees, or in the dirt like potatoes and carrots.Then I remembered they're on vines.  I was also eating a piece of pizza and at one point, just for a few moments, felt very protective of it like someone was gonna try to 'neek up and grab it.  Overall, this was WILD but pretty good shit, fam. I liked it!]

Face Off OG,
Rare Dankness #1

Trippy and potent. I don't remember whatI smoked this shit in but it had a really good, strong, quick-onset effect. However, I forgot to note down the details, so - aw, shit, fam - looks like I'm gon' have to schmoke it again.

G13,
Afghani,
Neville's Haze

It gave me a decent high the first time I tried it, mixed-up and floaty and walking around the house and feeling pretty fuckin good. Good shit!

....

A few months later, I tried it before having sex with #1 honey. At first I felt GREAT, cuddly and sexy and horny, and then about midway into things I just fell apart and had to take a break. Tried again and couldn't recover, then quickly passed out.

So... good weed? Sure. Good sex weed? Naw, man.

I thought I had reviewed this strain LONG ago. Looks like I was wrong. I smoked a skinny blunt (most of it) about fifteen minutes ago.

------

I'm having to write this one a few days after the fact. I smoked that shit late at night, and once it hit me... I didn't feel like writing anymore. I think I watched some YouTube or some shit and then eventually I fell asleep.

That being said... it was GOOD. Like, good enough that I put "YES" in the "Wang Approved" spot. I remember feeling pretty awesome, but I just didn't feel like writing.

I'm about ten minutes or so into a Khalifa Kush high after smoking about half a blunt. I'd had it before but it was a long time ago and I didn't remember the details for a review, but I LIKED it.

Okay, so right now I'm feeling really chilled-out but focused. I also feel like I would be an AWESOME lay right about now but #1 boo is not available.

I'm watching a video and feeling a little drowsy. Not bad, though. I still feel so damn smooved out.

Okay, first up I want to say that this bud is OLD - like over a year old, no shit - but I kept it preserved and it still smelled AMAZING when I opened its jar.

---

Just smoked the better part of a skinny blunt about 15 minutes after writing that up above, and I'm about 5-10 minutes after smoking right now. First off I wanna say that the High Hemp mango wrap I used was fuckin CHOICE and I need to buy more of those!

I can feel my thoughts starting to layer. The dispensary guy told me this shit was a "creeper," and the creepin' is a rampin' up my system.  I feel uplifted and delightful.

I told myself I would try to cut down on bad snacks for munchies, but right now I have KILLERMUNCHIES and I made myself a damned banana split.  No whipped cream, but still pretty fuckin good.

Horny? Yes, thanks for asking.

I now want to buy an entire 3-layer cake and sit down with it by myself and see how far I can get through it before I get tired.

I'm watching some Netflix and I just heard a voice in the background that reminded me of my mom. My mom's been dead for over ten years. that's spooky.

-----

...and then I passed out. No denying this shit was NICE, tho.

This strain originated in Jamaica, and it was supposedly one of the favorites of Bob Marley!! Review pending.

---

And here's that review: The Lamb's Breath is a little old by this point. I smoked a little over half of a thin blunt about ten minutes ago, and I had the forethought to grab some Whataburger before smoking at about 1 AM. (Thanks, past me!) I'm feeling definitely lifted and sooooo chilled. I just did a little dancing in my chair without any music going, fam! This is the SHIT!

Speaking of the shit, these fries fuckin ROCK. The Wangster loves his fried potatos. Just started up Netflix and just realized that I'm basically giving myself a meal and a movie, so am I gonna put out afterward? WHO KNOWS, FAM?

Watching some "Schitt's Creek" now, and I'm able to focus. I'm feeling grinny. This isn't fucking me up; it's got me smoothed out and feeling good but still fairly alert. Not sure if I'll watch some porn. Kinda horny, kinda not. But feeling sweeeet. Like my skin is covered in electric butter.

A bit later on, still feeling fine... my high is wearing off but amazingly I have not fallen asleep at the computer. So I'm heading to bed for fuckin Sleepytime Village. Cheers.

======

Another review:

This shit is now WELL past two years old. I just took three hits of a spoon pipe and I'm going to do some creative shit. It's been a while since that last try of the Lamb's Breath and I read that this was good for creative shit, so let's do some creative shit.

I was just chatting with friends on TEH INTERNETS and I was telling them the sativa-indica percentage of this one. I started writing it as "sativa-indicant dominant," then I thankfully caught myself.

I just coughed and it sounded like my dad. I should produce an album called "My Dead Dad's Cough." That's profound.

The high was good but not intensely euphoric (good) and I was able to focus and get some good work done. It seemed to wear off fairly abruptly.

So I just smoked abut half of a skinny blunt, and here's what I can tell you: I can still focus on a story and read and shit but I am feeling GOOD. Mellow and cushiony.

I'd already tried this shit several months back. in fact, this is the same batch.

About a half-hour or so later I'm feeling chilled out and a little bored. A little horny, too, but not too terribly.

---

Was this a decent high? It was okay. Was this a strain I'd go out of my way to get again? Nah, fam. Not really.

Skunk No. 1,
Northern Lights,
Haze

Orange Velvet,
Jack the Ripper

One of my boo's homies told us that Shishkaberry was AMAZING sex weed. We tried it and it was pretty good. Not earthshatteringawesome for us, but pretty good. We'll do it again.

---

So, we didn't do it again. Instead, we split up. I smoked a bit more (same stuff) with my new girly about a year and a half later. We both felt really good, relaxed, and somewhat aroused, but we weren't all-over-each-other horny. Still, a nice strain.

Calmed down, slowed-down, groovy and ready to fuck - that's Mr. Nice. I am a FAN! (and my #1 boo doesn't mind either.)  This is one that I plan on keeping in constant rotation!

-

Another batch, over a year later: I had about 4-5 hits from a skinny blunt, and right now I'm feeling allllllll right.

-

Another time, a few months later: Another 4-5 hits from another skinny blunt. Then I took a walk around the block and now I'm at my desk typing this shit to you. Yeah YOU. Check out my fourth-wall game, fam. YOU.

-

Not sure which batch, quite a while later - maybe a mixture of two batches, not sure because I rolled the skinny blunt at least a few weeks back.

I've got the Norman Cook mix of "Brimful of Asha" stuck in my head. Chattin with my boo on my phone and loving the fact that the weather outside is cool. (It's almost fall 2021 right now, a little after midnight).

...and then I had some ice cream and passed the fuck out, right here at my desk.

When I look at my screen crooked, this window looks like a non-rectangular parallelogram.

"Parallelogram" is fun because it ends with the word "gram" and begins with "parallelolellolello.

Hello, Kids, I'm Dr. Wang, and I am waaaaaaasted. Holy shit, I smoked the better part of a blunt made with well-aged Incredible Hulk.

It took me a few moments to remember what word "Incredible Hulk" started with. Indented? No. Indentured? No. Incredible? YASINCREDIBL

God, bless the people who made these Little Debbies and also the off-brand snack cakes from Aldi. They are awesome. So awesome they make me want to cry.

I'm seeing CRAZY animated sequences. This is an intense, but really nice, high. I wish I had someone to talk with while I'm like this. (It's 1 AM and most of my friends are in bed)

(I mean, their bed. Not all crammed into my bed. That would be weird. How would I make all the introductions? Left to right, or checking around the bed and going in alphabetical order. Hmmm.

============

The next morning: I didn't even close the parentheses on that last thought. I got swept up in thought and knocked the fuck out.

I liked this high at the start, but it got too intense too quickly. I probably smoked too much, but it's worth noting that this shit had been in my stash (preserved by a Boveda) for over a fuckin YEAR and A HALF.

Okay, I bought this one because it sounded like it would be great sex weed, and then I put it off to the side and didn't get around to smoking it for several months! Luckily, I kept it sealed up with a Boveda pack, tho, so this shit was still really pliable and good to smoke.

Three hits from a pipe, and within just two or three minutes I noticed that I was high... and I started widely smiling without much effort. Currently, I'm feeling so floaty and so mentally powerful.

I'm eating some cookies, yo - ever try these Kitchen Sink cookies from Aldi? Dude. Peanut butter cookies with white and dark chocolate and peanut butter chips. and chunks of pretzel. and coconut. They are TO DIE FOR. These things are giving me a TONGUE-BONER.

I've also been thirsty as fuck. Like, not "drymouth," but actual get-some-water-in-your-system thirst.

I'm horny. That feeling lasts for a few seconds and then I get distracted, mainly by elaborate daydreams that are like movie plots combined with sleeping dreams that I may or may not have already had. I also get distracted by snacks. And it looks like my writing is going downhill.

"Electric Metal Centipede" would be a great band name.

[After that, I fell asleep. But until then I felt pretty fuckin outstanding, even if my thoughts were racing. I do remember having a vision of a person getting smashed and electrocuted underneath a giant electric metal centipede. That was pretty wicked.]

Long before I smoked Gorilla Cookies, I read somewhere that it made people feel "awesome." I decided to give it a try, and I will gladly admit that I FELT PRETTY FUCKIN AWESOME. Okay, or at least, kind of fuckin awesome. Somewhere in the vicinitiy of fuckin awesome.

Okay, so it's not in my favorites. But, it was a really good high that had my mind dipping in and out of daydreams. I was still able to hold a decent conversation, and I was horny but not overwhelmingly aroused. This would probably be good sex weed but not great.

I would gladly try some more Gorilla Cookies. I'm not sure I would go hunting it down, but it's also not one that I would turn down if I found a good deal on it.

Hybrid, Sativa-Dominant (60:40)

OG Kush,
San Fernando Valley OG Kush

Currently high on Trainwreck. I can't remember if I've smoked normal Trainwreck before, but I've had this particular batch for over a year, keeping it in good shape with the power of Boveda.

I'm very very relaxed and I *could* be horny, but I'm not. I'm actually watching some porno as I write this and I'm feeling more relaxed than anything. Mentally I guess I feel a little horny and a little lonely.

-----

Looks like I passed out at that point. Not bad stuff, but more of a social strain than a sex strain.

No, for my purposes.

(Yes for getting FUCKED UP.)

I had a few bong hits of this one for a late-night solo test. For me, this was similar to Purple Voodoo and especially Alpha Blue; Cosmic Queen made me maybe THE second highest I've ever been (as of the time of this writing) next to the Alpha Blue. Oh my God; time was folding in on itself, big chunks of time were missing, I was barely coherent, I was occasionally feeling a little nauseous, and I couldn't even construct proper sentences when I wanted to! I was uncomfortably high; I probably overdid it and this was POTENT shit.

I can't completely explain what I went through, but luckily I was chatting with a friend online at the time, so I'm just going to copy over a few of the things that I typed, verbatim:

"My fingertips feel amazing on my keyboard right now. It's so weird."

"The image on my TV screen looks like it's actually 3D"

"This high is making me feel like I'm watching myself on TV, and then THAT version of myself is watching myself on a smaller TV, and so on and so on."

"Making me go through a lot of the 'what ifs' that will make me feel really disoriented ..."

"Oh shit the last five minutes just fealt like an hour

Like we've been chatting here for four or five hours.

Or talking ourselves across a highlway for the fun of it oh wow this sentence has to stop somewhere but wherever it stops I hope they have pizza. Maybe on a train. A pizza train.

And by that I mean a train that hauls a whole lot of pizza, not a train that is actually shaped like a piece of pizza. That would be silly.

I have a feeling that I'm being funny right now."

"I make people makes noise as if I am making them watch a parade."

"I'm seeing you from different levels and different dimensions...

and I'm shivering a bit"

"'And let's face it the guy who was a maple boy, who had never been having your treats just hush' - song lyrics that make no sense"

Shortly afterward, I fell asleep at the dinner table for almost two hours.  Then, I went to bed and slept for almost another six hours. So, yeah... if you're just looking to get REALLY fucked up, go get yourself some Cosmic Queen. I wouldn't even want to think about how crazy it would be to fuck on this shit, tho. I remember that it didn't make me horny at all.

It's now "the morning after," and I currently feel like I'm nursing a weed hangover. I feel a bit more creative, at least.

WHOA DOG. This shit is hittin' hard. I had rolled myself a joint well over a year ago and left it in a tube, then found the tube later and I finally smoked it tonight. About five minutes ago.

I was already fucked up by the time I walked back inside and headed to the kitchen for a late-night snack. I totally forgot the ratio of scoops I was using to make a protein shake, And then when I walked back down the hall to my desk, the 30-second walk felt like it took about three minutes... or three years.

I'm simultaneously dumb as hell and overthinking everything.

I'm now thinking about the synapses and neurons on my brain, and the shortcuts and reroutes they must be taking as they freak out about my voluntary thought impairment. This is a good high, people.

If I grew a hybrid from this strain and another strain, I'd call it "Punchy Brewster."

Yesterday evening I almost collided with another driver who decided to dive across the street right in front of me.Barely missed the fuckin idiot. But how many versions of me in other dimensions DID hit the other car?

So, I had vaped Jack Herer for a while, but I wanted to wait until I properly smoked some Jack Herer flower before I reviewed it here.

This was another one that I bought, put off to the side, and then didn't smoke for a long time.  I just smoke a little over a half blunt. Shit. This hittin fast, fam.

Shiiiit this ice cream I'm eating is fuckin CHOICE.

I just watched something on Netflix, and I can pay attention to the plot.  I'm not all over the place.

----

Retrospect:  Soon after that, things went fuzzy and I passed right out.  I don't even remember what I watched on Netflix.

So I had so much shit typed up here, homies, and FUCK I accidentally closed the window before saving. So here's what I remember including.

I actually just smoked some THREE YEAR OLD weed. Almost four year old. I'd had it rolled up into a short skinny blunt for maybe over two years, and I finally decided it was time to smoke it. Not bad, actually! Still tasted okay, though I didn't inhale too deep because I was afraid it would be too harsh.

So, why is it that I can't remember what I had for lunch two days ago but I can remember that Boss Hogg was played by Sorrell Booke? Also, who the hell calls their kid SORRELL? And if your name was Sorrell would you go by "Sorry" as a nickname? I sure would.

So I just looked up Sorrell Booke on wikipedia. It says he was fluent in thirteen languages, but the list doesnt include English. Gee. I thought he was pretty good at English, no matter what those DICKS at DICKIPEDIA think.

Oh, dip. if I ever owned a male strip club I would call it DICKIPEDIA. I bet someone's already got that name for something, like a website or a breakfast cereal or somethign.

So here's something else concerning. Im heavier than Sorrell Booke was when he played Boss Hogg. Motherfuck.

So this shit has me chilled out but I dont feel like my brain is on ice. I'm not superhorny but I bet I would fuck like a damn beast on this shit if the oportunity presented isself. Good body high, decent head high. I can still think fairly clearly.

Yo, why is it that whenever one of my fingers gets a damn hangnail, them like 4 other fingers decide they need one, too?

-------

Sober, afterward:  This isn't one I'd really take time to hunt down again, but it wasn't bad. It was pretty old when I smoked it so it may have been different if I'd reviewed it a lot sooner. Not a bad, chilled high.

Good news: My boo and I had a really longlasting, trippy, floaty, FUN sex session after sharing a bowl of this shit. Bad news: I didn't cum. Additional good news: I still felt so good that I barely even cared, and she came like maybe a dozen times! We'll try it again soon.

Okay... I just took/cleared two REALLY thick hits of this shit from a decent-sized spoon pipe in the garage. That was under five minutes ago, and I am already feeling this. It's worth noting that I purchased this particular bit of Sour Dream a little less than a year ago, I've kept it well-humidified and as fresh as possible, and I'm finally getting around to trying the shit.

And it is hitting me. Very quickly. Whoa. I should also note that I liked the taste and smell of Sour Dream; maybe it's the "diesel" fuel element, but it was unusually good.

I just thought of what it would be like if my day-time boss asked if I was this notorious "Dr. Wang." And, then, my brain moved on to what I would post about myself having that first thought, just now.My thoughts are layering and combining. This is trippyyyyy.

I just ate an Oatmeal Creme Pie in a fashion that was a bit more subtle than that of Cookie Monster. Oatmeal's good for you, right? My mouth feels greasier than I remember after eating Oatmeal Creme Pies.

Hello Pornhub! I'm sure glad PornHub doesn't have an automated voice that shouts "HELLO FROM PORNHUB" through your computer speakers every time the site opens up. That would be bad for business.

Porno characters are written with such shitty logic.

I am definitely high but my logic is still working.  I'm starting to get sharpened up instead of getting fuzzier or more mentally frenzied.

I got distracted by porn and somehow stumbled onto a half-hour documentary thing on YouTube about the underlying weirdness of "The Girl from Ipanema."

===

Soon after... I passed out, and after awakening, I could barely remember ANY of the shit I thought about when I was high! WOWWWWW fam!

I wouldn't go way out of my way to track this down, but I can see why Sour Dream made it onto so many "best strains for sex" lists. This was a damn fun strain, homies!

I just smoked about a quarter to a third of a joint of some fairly aged Sour Cookies. It's been maybe five minutes. Watching some "Trailer Park Boys" and eating a bowl of strawberries, which are currently totally fuckin dilectible just by themselves. No added sugar or shit. Damn.

I completely forgot to bring my cell phone in here. I'm now going to get the cell phone which should be an adventure.

Went down the hall to get the cell phone. Remembered that I had brought it in this room after all and put it right next to my chair. And there it is.

I feel like "More Human Than Human" but the dumbass version. "More Dumbass Than Dumbass."

---------

Followup: I liked Sour Cookies, but it didn't blow me away. I'm giving it a "Yes," but it's not one I would pick up if I saw it at a dispensary and had better choices.

Okay... by the time I reviewed this weed, it was some pretty old shit. Like multiple years old. I just kept putting it off in favor of other strains. But WASTE NOT WANT NOT, fam. This stuff was well-preserved and I'm happy to say it was good. REALLY good. I did have a mixture of emotions, tho.

I'm still a little buzzed as I type this, but here's how I felt during this high.

1. A little euphoric
2. I don't have very many friends in the world and one of my close friends just scammed me out of hundreds of US duckets
3. Horny.
4. Sentimental.
5. Oh look I'm in the kitchen gettin some food and I'm dancing for no reason
6. Smiling like a clever shit while dancing
7. Let me watch this dumbass comedy clip over and over and OVER and laugh my ass off
8. Maybe horny again

And even though it was old... this weed, which I wrapped in a vanilla hemp wrap, still tasted really, REALLY good.

I want to try this as sex weed. For now it gets a solid YES.

#1 honey and I shared a joint of this shit. Did it make us feel floaty? Barely. Did it make us talkative? For a little bit. Did it make me feel happier? A tad. Did it make us horny? No. NO. In my case, the opposite. I would go so far as to call this shit BONER POISON.

Hawaiian,
Purple Skunk,
Some Canadian strain called "God"

Smoked about a half-joint outside in the night air. Beautiful. Came inside, got snacks, sat down, and listened to some Oaktowns 3-5-7. Awwww yeah. Classic shit.

Bobbing my head and thinking about how much I used to jam to shit like this back in the day.

Some dude or dudette should totally start a low-calorie, low-sugar snack line specifically geared toward cannabis enthusiasts called "The Skinny Stoner." The same company could also package the same products under the brand"The Skinny Snacker" for more mainstream markets.

I feel chilled and a little dense. This is a sweet high.  Like, I feel like I could totally pay attention to a TV show but at the same time I'm not giving much of a fuuuuuuuck about a damn thing.

About an hour or so later, I feel like about three hours have passed, but I'm feeling more sober. That was a great high, well-rounded and solid but not too intense at all.

Good, good, GOOD FUCK WEED. This one kept me going like a fuck machine for a while and my #1 cutie did not complain one fuckin bit. I was kind of out of it but just closed my eyes and kept in the groove and evetything was good. Lots of trippy visuals inside my eyelids too.

------

Okay, review #2. I loved Lavender Jones so much I bought a second batch before I finished my first one. And Tonight, around 12:30 AM, I decided to smoke a joint of the old stuff, which I'd had sealed and well-preserved. OH MY GOD FAM this is so fuckin good.

About half-an-hour ago, I had a stomachache and I was feeling really depressed. Like, my medical depression was kicked in and I felt all lonely and shitty.

Less than two minutes after I finished smoking a joint of the ol' LJ, I was in the kitchen, grabbing a snack, and I thought about happiness. And I smiled. The edges of my mouth went up like they were being pulled up by balloons, fam. I have lots to worry about and I lonely as fuck sometimes but I feel SO good right now. If there weren't a pandemic, I'd want to go out (NOT drive - driving high is for assholes) and have so much fun with my friends right now.

Stupid pandemic.

So now I'm enjoying a stupidly refreshing vanilla-ice-cream-flavored protein shake and I am about to demolish some yogurt. Gonna watch some more of "The Conjuring," by myself, and feel good about my life.

Hey, remember "mock apple pie?" That recipe that used Ritz crackers to make something kinda sorta like an apple pie? I never had one. How were they? How come I haven't heard anyone mention them in over twenty years? Did they suck? Are the recipes still out there? I'm sure they are. We have the Internet.

You know, as I'm watching "the Conjuring," I'm thinking, has there ever been a single point in history in which a paranormal investigator said, "You know, I think you're being haunted because y'all a bunch of wack-ass motherfuckers?" That would be hilarious.

Yes

Okay, it's about 1 AM and I'm smoking some White Lightning that I bought over a year ago. Yeah, it's old weed. But I've kept it in decent shape. I took three consecutive bong hits of this shit about five minutes ago and I can already feel it settling in. Fast. Fuckin fast.

Before I forget, I want to make sure that I mention that this stuff tasted funky and earthy, and even after I drank part of a fruit smoothee, the back of my throat oddly tasted like gunpowder. Now, you might be thinking "BUT DR. WANG NO SHIT because you've got FUCKIN OLD WEED." No no no... I have smoked plenty of well-aged weed before... and this shit tasted different.  (The bud wasn't moldy or gross or anything like that, either.)

I'm seeing a scene on a beach, but I'm not sure how long I can hold onto my thoughts while I attempt to give you details. I know that I can visually see the details getting broken, eroded, and blown away by the wind.

I'm hearing an old trance tune in my head while I also listen to a short violin piece that I've just created in my head, and I see myself running down a beach. But I'm being played by George fuckin Costanza.

If I repeat a sentence in my head, it just falls apart, with some words changing, some words missing, and some words just replaced by odd hissing noises. Crazy shit, dude.

I wouldn't want to try to hold a conversation with someone while I'm this high, fam. Like, not a good conversation. Not a thorough one. Shit, I'm so high I would have difficulty just asking someone what kind of toothpaste she used!

I want myself to know, after I sleep some and then wake up sober, I want myself to know that this was a good high. Extreme. Confusing. A bit frustrating. But really, REALLY good. My brain has an icy shell wrapped around it.

I'm trying to mentally persuade myself that my smoothie tastes like a chocolate shake. It doesn't. But I'm trying, because I'm trying to lose some weight with a plan I call "shitting out more of the fruitskins."

"Fruitskins" is a good word because it's eye-catching. People have to do a double-take to see if they just saw the word "fuck." Plus, just the word "fruitskins" sounds a little dirty.

Why is it, when I need to know whether or not I have CapsLock on, I usually hit the same letter three times, and it's normally a "d?" That's weird. I could accomplish the same task by just hitting one key one time. Is it capital? Boom - there's your answer.

The phrase "Vanilla Masons" sounds like a band from the 1980s.

Right now I'm so dumb that I'm considering whether or not any type of germ cell was the same thing as gangrene.

It is not. Not the same.

God bless Nabisco for producing and releasing millions of Oreos into the economic environment every year.

FINALLY found some Blue Cheese! I've heard great things... hope to share results soon!

----

Okay, this indica is giving me more trippy visuals than a lot of sativas I've tried.

----

That's all I typed, and then I kind of went... away. This was a "break time apart" strain for me.  At first I got a bit mentally horny, then I had a hard time typing things, and if I typed a sentence I would have to go back and fix a bunch of errors in it to make it make sense. Shiiiiit, I got to be almost incoherent toward the end, then I passed the fuck out.

I wouldn't call this a FUBAR strain, but the euphoria delivered with this one was a little too intense for my liking.

I found a place that Weedmaps said had some Space Queen, and then I headed there wit a quickness, only to find that they had NO SPACE QUEEN. Ran out about 45 minutes before I got there. So, shit.

I ended up getting a gram of the Lime because I try to not leave any dispensery empty-handed. Review pending.

-----

Over a fuckin year later and I still hadn't smoked this shit... until tonight OH MY GOD FAM I know this is going to fuck me up. It's about 1 AM and my lungs got nailed.  TWO of the most massive but harsh bong hits I've had in a long time. Those Boveda packs, shit... they must have preserved this pretty well because within ten minutes I am already LIT like a Christmas tree!

I coughed so much, fam. Like, more than I had coughed in a while. And I don't think that it was the age that was the problem. I've smoked old-ass weed before, and it was not quite like this. Oh, well. Lungs are a little sore but I'll be okay.

Time means nothing to me anymore. I have "One Thing Leads to Another" by the Fixx in my head. I feel like I'm in the 70s on a roller coaster. I see disco lights and I'm very conscious of my eyelashes in my field of view. Like little hairy tentacles extending from the top and bottom of my own personal letterboxing.

I'm eating a piece of pie and I'm finding an odd enjoyment of the spoonfools of pie that contain more crust than filling. That sounds like something really deep and profound, like something I might say about someone else:  "Her head was llike a pie that contained more crust than filling."

See? It's poetic, like Shakespeare and shit.

I'm blinking oddly, like Abed Nadir in "Community." If I close my eyes, I feel happiness from the rays of peace flowing out of the room lights over my desk, then breaking apart into a rainbow by the refraction of the lights into a spectrum, seeping into my closed eyes. Through the lids.

I feel like I would be an AMAZING LAY right now, homies. I mean, like slow and groovy and shit.

I would like to thank these Club Crackers for their heavy dose of vitamin C - C for "crackers."

I had to re-edit those words in that last sentence maybe seven or eight times. Typing is really weird right now. Once I get the start of the sentence going it is seriously hard to remember what the end of the sentence was supposed to be or what the start of the sentence was even regarding.

If I'm daydreaming during the nighttime, doesn't that make it "nightdreaming?" No, I won't call it that - then people would get it mixed up with regular dreaming that they do. At night.

I'm getting that weird "thought-layering" effect.

And some dry-throat/dry-mouth from down-down-wicked-town.

I just tried to look through the little holes in a Club Cracker. I could not see through them.  I could not see through them, because they were not actual holes. They were merely indentations, and I had gone my whole life calling them "holes" because my brain was afraid that I would make normal people confused by saying words like "indentations" or offended because I would have the inescapable urge to say it very slowly to make the normal people felt extra-condescended.

I had always just called them "holes." Since childhood.  Not "indentations." So weird.

I hold a sleeve of Club Crackers in my lap like a baby, except I occasionally reach down and peel the next part of it off the top, which I cannot do with an actual baby, because it would be evil and wrong, and the baby would get upset and I'd probably get arrested.

So I won't peel off the top of a baby. But I will peel off that next Club Cracker off the top of the stack and eat it.

I promise I'm not getting paid by Keebler or any shit like that. I just really dig Club Crackers.

As I chew these crackers, I think about how when I was younger I considered Animal Crackers to be merely yet another variety of cookies. But now, with the consistency of these chewed up crackers in my mouth, I can now look back and say that I was wrong: Animal Crackers were rreally more of a sweetened cracker than a cookie variety.

Is "skittarth" a word?  It should be.

It's so weird to look back at my life and consider that I've done things that you could only see in XXX movies. When I was a kid, I wouldn't have even thought that my life would have been rated R at some point, but here I am, having done some pretty XXX activity and still allowed to walk freely in society, although childhood me would have hated present-day me. Or possibly he would have been jealous of present-day me. Sex and drugs, with or without rock and roll.

I just envisioned myself down in a well, with all of these thoughts falling into my head from multiple directions like waterfalls to crash into the surface of my mind.

I just burped. My throat burned a little.  Worth it, I think. This high is outstanding. I wish that someone had the privilege of talking with me while I was (and am) high on it. Oh, the conversations we would have!

Above I basically said "high on this high." That sounds like a astrological/hippie bullshit state of mind description..

I am considerably dumber right now than I usually am.

Did you hear the one about the food critic who wasn't looking at his drink one day and some other dude walked by and dropped an appetite suppresant into his drink so that when his food finally came but it was really late because they were really busy, he wasn't really hungry anymore but he had to be but he couldn't be and he got all pissed off about it? There's no punchline. I just thought that was hilarious.

WHOA! My #1 boo picked this one out on her first trip to a dispensary, and she did good. Real good. This shit was AWESOME. She and I burned through a bowl in her new mini-bubbler, and within minutes we were like two horny early-twenty-somethings going at it. Great, great, GREAT sex weed. A new entry in my list of favorites, but as far as I can tell, it's going to be nearly impossible to find in most parts of the US.

---------

Over FOUR years later... I rolled up some of this SAME batch of Logan's Run (preserved in a jar with a Boveda pack) for some fun I was hoping for on a first date. To be fairrrrrrr, we were already comin off a different high when we smoked a skinny blunt of this shit. She LOVED it and we had some really fun sexy time. DAMN good stuff.

The first thing I wanted to type, as I sit here buzzed off about a 45% of a joint of Glass Slipper, was "Ohhhhhhhh yeahhhh."

The smoke was smooth and a little sweet. During one exhale, it actually reminded me of vanilla cake frosting for a second. really nice.

I've been looking at pictures of parties from a long, long time ago, and my head is feeding me some of the feelings I had when I was there. OH SHIT I'm feeling nasstalgic. And kind of sad.

But then after I typed that I started feeling happy again. And chill. Very chill, fam.

This isn't makin' me want to fuck, tho. I feel like eating snacks and watching a horror movie. So that's what the Wang-Man gonna do.

----

Second review, a few months later.

I just smoked a little over half a blunt, by myself!

Fortunately, I've got some sweets, some nuts, and some cheddar cheese in reaching distance because right now I AM TEH DESTROYER OF THE CHEESE WHICH IS CHEDDAR.

A few more minutes later, I'm buzzed but feeling good and just thoughtful. I wonder who decided that we needed upper AND lowercase letters. Probably some pretentious dickhead. "Look, now you will all have to learn the alphabet again, but now the letters will be a different size. And shaped differently."

I've got coffee... I've got doughnuts... I've got porno... who could ask for anything more?

One thing this shit isn't doing is making me sleepy, that's fo sho.

You know who sucks? Sublime. There. I said it.

[After typing the above, I watched some Netflix for a while, drifted a bit, and went to bed quite a bit later.]

They should have called this "Don't worry about a goddam thing" because when I smoked it, that's how I felt. I smoked about a third of a joint, and at first I felt jack SHIT and thought this going to be shit.

Then... about 15 minutes in or so (I think)... Cerebral euphoria hit. I was mellow, relaxed, smiley, and VERY horny. I'd heard this shit was good sex weed, and I'm looking forward to testing that theory!

-----

Over a year later... I finally tried it as sex weed.  My boo and I were already exhausted, but we shared a joint of Voodoo and both felt good. Really good. Chilled and happy. And then we both passed the fuck out.  No sex even got started attempted.

With Purple Urkle being a parent strain of such incredible strains as Granddaddy Purple and Lavender Jones, I was really hoping that this would be amazing.

It was good. Really good. It made me "rambly" and I made a note that it "definitely helped with arousal." Not my favorite shit but still good shit.

-----

Trying it again - months later, same batch, late night, skinny blunt.  It's settling in slowly.  Like, I know I'm high and I've been a little "dumber" but I still feel like I can carry on full conversations and concentrate on things.

Okay. It's a damn shame that Little Debbie doesn't make "Spice Cakes" anymore, fam. Shit, those were SO fuckin good. I have zebra cakes here, and they're good, but they're not SPICE CAKES GOOD.

- [And then I passed out]

My mind expanded, and I slowly started tripping out - slow time, missing bits of time, that sort of thing. I thought about a bad dream that I'd had that morning, then went back into the dream in some kind of lucid daydreaming state so that I could exact bloody revenge on someone there and make things better. I was very euphoric... but did it make me horny? OHSHITYEAH!

--------

Several months later... several. Late night skinny blunt. I should make a band called Late Night Skinny Blunt. "Hey, have you heard the song by LNSB on the radio?"

Anyway... I am mentally horny right now. I want to make out with someone. But I'm also feeling uplifted. It's like my worries and my inhibitions and my give-a fucks are out in the garbage, fam!

I'm eatin some snacky foods and watchin some Amazon Video. Shit, I got a good life.

-----

Months later. I was feeling really depressed late at night so I decided to go for a heavy sativa to jump-start my brain. Lucky for me I had a skinny blunt of Jesus OG at the ready. Just smoked about 2/3 of it.

This stuff makes butter popcorn smell kind of gross. Still tastes great tho.

I'm feeling a little bit happier and a little bit I-dont-carier.

I'm watching a porno in another window but continuing to write and maintaining focus for right now.

I keep thinking of when I was younger and Garrett Morris was waiting at Houdini's grave.

And now, I've turned off the porno and I'm watching old SNL clips.

(and I eventually fell asleep)

Flo,
Sour Dubble

I had a bowl of this while watching the "Tiger King" documentary about Joe Exotic. He was a piece of shit. Rocky Dennis was not a piece of shit, and this strain with such an unusual name is not a piece of shit, either.

I definitely noticed that I was high, but my brain wasn't freaking out, I wasn't losing big chunks of time, etc. I enjoyed chilling out and watching the show, and I wanted to fuck but I wasn't CRAZYhorny, you know? Rocky Dennis wasn't the best weed I ever had by far, but it was good. I plan on smoking it again, but I'm not sure I'd buy another eighth.

"Family Secret" strain,
-plus-
Stardawg Guava -or- TreStarDawg -or-
Guava Dog

Chemdawg #4,
Girl Scout Cookies

[From what I read, this is the same shit as "Cookies and Chem," just with a different name.]

OH SHIT FAM I feel so FUCKIN good right now. Except I just got hypersensitive to the fingerprints and smudges on my glasses. Excuse me.

I feel funny. And I just got some water from the water thingie in the refridgerator abut five mintues after smoking/clearing two good hits out of a wicked little Grav bubbler.

I've been back in my office room typing this for about five minutes. It feels like I've been here for maybe thirty-five minutes. When I was getting water into my cup, it seemed like I had been standing there for hours. My mind is racing and yet I still feel like I can focus on something. Like writing this. Yes.

Yeah, time is slowing down. Time of this writing, I've had this Chem Cookies around in my stash for about seven months (maybe more) and finally got around to smoking some of it tonight.  The air around me feels greeeeeat. I was feeling lonely before this high set in, and now I'm just feeling alone. There's a difference.

And I feel like I could have amazing sex right now, but I aso feel kinda fine that I'm not. I'm not worried, and I'm not sad. I feel like I'm mentally being skimmed across the surface of a frozen pond.I'm mentally visiting my childhood, going through certain scenes that I went through, and some that I didn't. The fiction's bleeding in.

==============

Next morning follow-up: That was really, really nice. I did get a little more disoriented before I fell asleep, but damn, that was a good strain, fam.

I did feel a little bit of "heaviness" in my lungs this morning that wasn't usual, and I have been coughing more than I normally would. But I'm getting better as the day goes on, and the feeling from that strain was worth it.

Just smoked a short joint of this one, got a snack, and came to the computer. So far I've already been a bit clumsy and forgetful. I'm listening to music with my earbuds and LOVING it.

One thing I'm liking about this one is that I'm feeling a little goofy but not stupid. I'm feeling a little horny, but I'm not a raging boner machine. I feel oddly confident.

Now I'm watching some YouTube and I can focus on it okay but this also feels really good. I'm high but I can still concentrate and I can definitely tell that this would be great fuckin sex weed.

Blueberry,
DJ Short Blueberry

Now, if you're looking at the parentage of this shit, you might be wondering: "Wangster, were you high when you looked this up?" No. Blueberry crossed with DJ Short Blueberry = Cocoa fuckin Kush. And the crazy thing: the bud I got actually smells a little like chocolate. No shit!

----

Okay, I smoked about a half-joint of this shit and I can tell you: It's smooth and airy. I didn't taste much from it, and I didn't see a lot of thick smoke, but it went down smooth and I LOVE the way it's making me feel.

This is like a libido bomb. In a good way. BOOM. Try saying "libido bomb" five times fast. It's hard. Or maybe it's only hard when I'm hiiiiiigh

Fuuuuck, homies.

Blueberry Muffin,
Purple Panty Dropper

#1 Honey and I smoked a little bit of this one night before bed. I remember that even though I was horny, it made me really really "cuddly" and we ended up not doing anything further. She noted later that it did not make her feel aroused.

I'll say that the chilled-out, good feelings from this stuff would make me want to try it again. Good but not GREEEEAT, homies.

So, I had a few hits of Lemon Tree (which felt harsher than a lot of pot, and didn't taste much like lemon to me), came back inside, got a snack, and sat down. I got my tablet out to watch a movie or some shit, and started on my cinnamon roll, and then my brain suddenly remembered that I'd just smoked (I had seriously forgotten within the course of a few minutes) and then the roller coaster began.

I wanted to write more descriptive notes while I was high, but I just couldn't! This shit, combined with the fact that I was tired as fuck, soon had my brain stuck in some kind of weird feedback loop. I opened my tablet to watch something online and ended up watching a documentary about some old film director. The documentary sucked, but either I kept falling asleep or this shit was totally fucking with my sense of time, because within about ten minutes of "watching" the documentary, I was an hour into it. But, I wasn't enjoying it. I wasn't enjoying much of anything.

I eventually shut everything off and went to sleep. This was a pretty drastic high, especially for a balanced hybrid. I think I'll be avoiding the Lemon Tree in the forseeable future, fam. It was not as mind-melting as Alpha Blue or Cosmic Queen, but it was still heavier shit than the Wang-Man usually wants, and I was not a fan.

Purple Haze,
Oregon Grape,
Matanuskan Mist

Tried it and loved it. I remember being horny and thinking that this would probably be aptly named if I only had a partner I could test this shit with right now! Chill, high, horny. I stocked up on this shit and I'll try it again soon, fam!

------

Okay, another try, another batch. Duuuuuude.  I am baked.  I took a few bong hits of some Purple Panty Dropper and

[At that point my notes here ended, but here are a few things I wrote in conversation with a friend.]

"I'm dropping ginger snaps into my coffee, recovering them with a spoon, and devouring them."

"[Regarding the Christmas cartoon character the Snow Meiser] But that's shitty, especially for him. His brother's the Heat Meiser, which apparently his parents gave him that name because it would make him feel more confident, and then 'Snow Meiser' isn't just calling him cold, but not even giving him the full range of 'cold,' the full domain of it. Not the meiser of all things cold, but JUST of Snow.

And in he'd have to live his life with 'Informer' stuck in his head."

We also had a discussion of what kind of people lampreys were. It was trippy and fun. The end.

I had tried this before long ago while not writing about it, and then I remembered that it was good but couldn't remember any other details.

I just had a late-night skinny blunt of Cheese Quake in a lovely lemon cake wrap. I am chilled and supercool right now.

The music in my head has been alternating between "They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.)" and some old-ass song called "I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter." or something like that.

I had four fig bars in a bowl in my lap. I ate one, then forgot how many I'd eaten before I looked back down in the bowl. I was surprised to still see three in there.

This shit has me feeling good and a little goofy. It took me four or five tries to type "shit" correctly. I'm making typos left and right and then correcting them.Why do I care? Dunno.

======

Afterward, sober:  I passed out after that last comment. That was far from a favorite but not bad, fam. I overdid it and I smoked too much, I think.

I did have a WEIRD-ass (but good and very vivid) dream about going on a trip with my parents, though. Wow.

I smoked some of this, solo, in a little spoon pipe and in the threshold of time before the main "high" hit with this one... I thought of the term "beyond horny." And when that high did hit... I got really happy. Really happy.

Like, I was even testing myself by forcing myself to think of sad shit that's happened to me... and my brain couldn't hold on to one singular significant fuck about said sad shit. I felt like I really wanted to talk and chat and my inhibitions about what I knew I would/could say just plummeted  to shit, so GOOD social weed. Haven't tried it for sex weed but I'm betting it's good for that too.

Blue Dream,
Purple Panty Dropper

Okay, so I trried some Humboldt Dream a long time ago (several months) and I just got a new batch yesterday and smoked some about 10 minuted ago. I remember liking it the first time but not writing a review.

This one has really impressive parentage, and I have really enjoyed both Blue Dream and Purple Panty Dropper in the past.

I feel a little groovadelic, fam.

----

Shit! I guess I passed out right after that. I remember feeling pretty good. I'm going to have to try this one again but I'm giving it a tentative "Yes" for now.

Okay, two things I have realized soon after smoking my first 1AM blunt of Dirty Taxi:

1. This shit is AWESOME

2. I don't wash my thumbs enough. I wash my hands, but do I really move my hands up to concetrate on the thumbs?

3. I don't give a singular FUCK that I misspelled "concentrate" above.

4. BRUHHHH

5.  Fam, my short-term memory is spotting. I just brought in some pizza that I had just microwaved, then I sat down at my desk, then I looked over and remembered, "Oh! Pizza!" No shit, Wang.

6. Remember "Taxi?" Marilu Henner was HOT, fam.  Like, hotter than Suzanne Somers.  By a lot.

7. Watching some Rifftrax n ow.

======

I was able to watch it for a while, and it was funny and I think I was a bit horny and lonely.

Afghani,
Thai Haze,
Unknown/undisclosed strain (reportedly from previously in the Northern Lights family tree)

This was one that I had been seeking for almost a year, after reading on Leafly that it was a good sex strain.

But I couldn't find it anywhere, until finally one night I was doing random Leafly/Weedmaps lookups of dispensaries in my area and THERE IT WAS!!!1!

------

I tried it solo first, and thought it was amazing. I don't remember the details except that I loved it.

Tried it with #1 boo later. Fuuuuuck, fam. Sex was REDICUOUSLY good. Like, it beat Purple Dream, and up to that point Purple Dream had been my #1 fuck weed for about a year! And not to be too gross but my orgasm was mindblowing and all of hers (I didn't count them but it was a LOT) felt strong too. THIS was DAAAAAAMMMM great sex weed, fam.

I will say that the sativa part of this, even though 35%, was in full effect like fuckin Bell Biv Devoe. Lots of visuals in my head. For a while, even while playing, my head was trying to wrap itself around how the bassline of a Black Keys song (which may or may not have actually existed) matched up with another song that I can't remember now. I felt creative and I LOVED my skin sensations.

I'm gonna have to say that at this time Atomic Northern Lights is my favorite strain, with Purple Dream a close second.

Cali Orange,
Blueberry

I feel suitably dense right now. Just smoked about a half-hoint of this here Orange Crush, fam. I feel like someone went through and froze about 50% of my brain, but not an even bilateral half - a little frozen bit here, a little frozzen bit there. I feel slick as a smurf pimp baby!

I miss my past sometimes, fam. Miss it a lot. but I won't go into the details. I want to laugh my ass off so I'm putting on some "Wonder Showzen."

----

Next morning: Okay, fam, that was some sweet shit. My brain didn't go all over the place, and I think I laughed more than usual while watching the Showzen. This was a good strain, homies. Good shit.

La Kush,
Tang Tang

Giant steps are what you take WALKING ON THE MUTHAFUCKIN MOON, dawg!

My feet, as I stood outside smokin this delicious fuckin blunt, felt more PILLOWY and CLOMPY. Fuuuuck.  I'm less than five minutes after smoking and I am HIGH. Beautifully goofy. I want to climb into the sky and fuck a cloud.

I am enjoying a manageable euphoria, fam. This shit is NICE.

About two minutes later, the munchies just hit, like a gnawing at the pit of my stomach. fuck.

I want to dance the Mambo down the hallway as I leave to go get a snack.

And I'm back with a banana split I made with two bananas so that it's a healthier snack. In my head I'm scatting along to a ska-funk horn riff that I've put together, also in my head.

And for a moment, the whole world just went "skewy."

Watching another horror movie online. When I'm high I like comedies and horror movies. Rarely other shit.

-----

In retrospect, this shit was groovadelic funkiness to a beautiful degree. LOVE the Pootie Tang.

I really wanted to try this one because I had a piece of art in my collection called "Nightmare Cookie" with a horny little devil chick smokin' a bowl. I finally found some and got me a couple of grams to try out.

Well, this did not disappoint. No nightmare to it - it was helping me feel dreamy and happy and giddy. I loved it. I would definitely revisit me some Nightmare Cookies, fam. Good, good shit - and I look forward to trying it as fuck weed too.

======

Update: #1 Boo and I tried it as sex weed. It was not bad. It got the fuckin job done. Time slowed down, we both got a little euphoric, and overall it was good but not great. It did bring up a few too many thought twists than I wanted, a few sad things did come to mind, and I had a difficulty hittin' my fuck crescendo, but I made it. This might be better as social weed than fuck weed, fam.

Blue Dream,
Dream Star

Big Bud,
Purple Urkle

I was chilled-out and horny AF but still able to focus and think clearly. EXCELLENT sex weed, homies. Holy shit. I thought this shit might be lame because it's such a general "staple" in the world of weed, but Granddaddy Purp was seriously AWESOME for fuckin. Gold fuckin star.

-----

Tried it a few months later by myself. It made me horny and floaty, but also time slowed down and I started having a lot of thoughts.

I said "I'm dreaming in sessions in which I am dreaming."

"I don't think I've ever seen anyone use the word "fuckster."  I'm going to try to be the one who establishes it in person or popularizes it.

When I am looking back and forth across the room in search of snacks, I must occasionally do a Stevie Wonder impersonation. Accidentally or intentionally.

=========

Yet another session a few months later. I just smoked a little over half of a skinny blunt. I wanted to get a little fucked up and I so think it is workING

I was going to put on some Netflix and I thought to myself, "Okay, just don't watch anything too intellectual." and then I thought to myself back, "I don't think that's going to be a problem, BRO-CEPHUS!!"

And then I laughed a little inside. Which is the best place to laugh. Especially at 1:30 in the fuckin morning.

I just tried to use my mouse on a YouTube session. On my tablet.

I then watched the intro to a video about a movie. Then I decided to go to Netflix and found myself not seeing any Netflix videos or quite knowing where there were for a second or two. Then I realized I was still in YouTube.

I'm lucid enough to know that I'm probably not goin to be able to walk right, but just high enough to try it.

I think without enough weed in the populace, Blues Traveler would never have made it.

Black Domina,
Jack Herer

I just smoked about a half a joint worth of this while standing outside on a covered deck during a light rain. It was beautiful.

Right now, as I type this, I've got plenty in life to be worried about. I won't go into detail, but it's nothing life threatening. However, with the high of the Black Jack settling in, Wang's feelin allll right.

When I finally got around to trying Black Jack, I was already somewhat of a fan of Jack Herer and a BIG fan of Black Domina. It was a pretty smooth smoke, and I felt like I was taking in pretty significant hits.

I don't feel manic at all, and with a 70:30 indica I'm not surprised. I feel smoooth as a Marvin Gaye song. I feel like stepping back out into the cool fall night and makin love with the wind. But I won't, because there's probably something illegal about that.

I feel chill and not too worried and really good and horny as fuck. I'm able to pay attention to a video and type coherently but I still feel nice and glazed-over.

So, I took a couple of bong rips (the second one being a pretty huge one) of Valley Girl, and about ten minutes later, sitting at my computer (typing this) with plenty of snacks, I thought to myself, "This bitch is a creeper." I've got to compliment the smoothness. Very, very smooth. Like me.

I can say that I got CLUMSY, and my fingers tingled, and I might have done a few seconds of dancing in the kitchen to Kenny Rogers' "Just Dropped in (to See What Condition My Condition Was In)," which was stuck in my fuckin head, when nobody was lookin'.

I didn't feel "too" anything, but I definitely knew I was high. Not superhorny either.  I felt chilled-out, smoothed-out... happy.

This is another really legendary strain that's also living up to its reputation. I smoked a joint of GG4 wrapped up in some maple syrup flavored paper. It tasted good, didn't make me cough, and felt great.

Soon after, while getting some cottage cheese out of the refrigerator, I had an epiphany: I don't think anyone has ever produced a hip-hop track with the melody of the "Smurfs" theme song in the backing music. But the song can't be about the Smurfs. Like, it can't be a novelty rap song about the Smurfs being played in the opening credits of a "Smurfs" movie, rapped by some has-been wack-ass motherfucker like Coolio. With Lou fuckin Bega supplying extra vocals.

Have I been horny? Just kind of. Hungry? Like a mofo. Lonely? Yeah, some.

Oh, dude. I feel stoned. And I feel way allll right.

This one was good, but I can't tell you a whole lot about WHY. I smoked about a half a joint of this shit alone and watched some Netflix late at night. I felt somewhat horny and cuddly and lonely but not bad - kind of happy and very, very relaxed. My chair felt like it was swaying on top of a flagpole for a little bit, but not in a bad way, just in the floaty/wavy way that feels cool.

I passed out a few times and kept noticing that I would look at the clock and it would be one time then the next time I looked, it was a lot later. I finally woke up enough to go to bed around five in the morning. This was not a bad high! It would probably be good for chillin with friends and shootin the shit. But... it's still far from the best for me, and I probably won't make a special effort to find more WiFi OG in the future.

My first try of the Truffula Tree was a fuckin disappointment. I was SO looking forward to this one after wanting to try it for months! I took about two and a half hits from a silicone spoon pipe (the first hit got a few unexpected scooby snacks in my mouth, so I didn't inhale as much as I should have), then waited. and WAITED.

There was hardly any effect. A tiny bit more mellow, but it was so subtle I thought it might be a fuckin placebo effect. I stayed up, had some snacks, and watched a DVD. I never got much of a "buzz," but maybe I felt a little happier. Not sure. I really can't believe that this allegedly REALLY great strain turned out to be so... well... so nothin'. I'm going to try it again and update here soon.

--------

Okay, second try, a few months later. Same batch as before. This time, I rolled up a decent-sized blunt to smoke while taking a walk outside, and the high hit me just a few minutes after I came back in. I knew I wanted a snack, and then I saw some bananas.  I thought to myself, "Bananas sound awesome, dude, bananas sound awesome," and then my brain just started looping that, so I was saying that to myself, in my brain, almost like a chant.

So I got me three bananas and sat down to watch somethin. Not sure what.

About 10 minutes later, I'm doing some shopping online. I'm feeling good but conscious.  It's like this high is already fading, but for now I am feelin real good fam.

-----

Next-day restrospect:  That second time made up for that first time. This was not bad shit after all.

I just smoked some Phantom OG for the first time about five minutes ago. It tasted unsually piney, spicy, and lemony. Really really good.

I immediately felt relaxed. "All out of fucks, and so lost without you." Isn't that how the old song goes?

I stepped away from my desk at home to smoke in the garage, then came back in and while going to my desk, I thought I heard male voices and got startled. I did hear male voices. I'd left a Tricky CD playing there.

A few more minutes in... and I'm feeling kind of disassociated. "Phantom" is a good name for this strain. I'm dancing around in my chair grooving to "Five Days."

Music kind of resonates in my head a little more than usual. It's beautfiul. A lot of shit in life is beautiful, if you really stop and look around. And oh shit I'm spewing hippie talk. Fuck.

Overall, I'm really digging this one. I feel loopy and goofy, and kind of happy but not completely stupid. I still have a grip on reality.

Sexually, I feel hornier than usual, but in more of a strangely "excited" way.  Spiky and electric. Like a strip club in the 80s.

Yeah.  I am REALLY liking this one, fam. Groovy shit.

Such a nice strain! Very, very smooth. No coughing. It's a bit of a creeper and it took a while to build up. Conversations were still very possible and I felt lucid. I don't remember feeling really horny, but I was chilled-out and just really felt cool. Plus, the buds of this stuff were BEAUTIFUL. I think it's a proprietary strain of one specific dispensary (Preme), but I could be wrong. Good shit, homies!

------

Second review. I smoked a second batch of this shit, taking down about half of a skinny blunt before sitting down here at the desk. Again, I'm cool, but I'm able to focus.Watching some horror shit on Netflix.

When I say the phrase "That makes so much sense" in my head but I swap in the word "toe" so the sentence is "That makes TOE much sense," it sounds stupid in two ways. One, it sounds like a little kid is saying it. Two. it has the word "toe" in it.

I remember "Matinee at the Bijou."

--------

Retrospective, next day:  I can't remember much about what I watched on Netflix. I eventually passed out around 1 AM and woke up around 4 AM. Nice high. Not incredible, but nice.

At first, I thought that DJ Short Blueberry was really good. This was a legendary strain that I was finally able to get hold of, so the Wang-Man was HAPPY to finally try it.

This shit didn't waste time hitting me. It was a little disorienting at times and my brain would go off on tangents or quick daydreams. I was chatting with a friend, and at one point, I started to say "My office chair feels like a flying carpet," but then I had to pause before sending it because I wanted to make sure that wasn't racist. That's how fucked I was!

Once I had gone through the real mind-twisting parts, my brain started to emit these weird feelings of incredible peace, and I just leaned back and sank into it.  It was really blissful for a little bit.

After that, I DID have a few negative thoughts creep into my head; I wasn't all happy and shit but I was able to force the negative thoughts back out eventually. That wasn't a fun part of the high.

And after that, I thought to myself about getting a dog. I don't want a dog. I like dogs, but I don't want one. Then I thought about how adorable Didi Conn used to be, and wondered if she was dead, and went online to find out. (At the time of this writing Didi Conn is NOT DEAD.)

I kinda felt horny, kinda. But not really. Soon after, the "indica train" hit me and it was all BOOM lights out for the Original Wangsta.

Overall, would I smoke DJ Short Blueberry again? Sure, fam. Did I dig how it made me feel? Not a lot. I didn't HATE it but I probably wouldn't look for it or buy it again.

========

Try number 2, several months later, same batch, about 2 AM.

If MK Ultra is "Lord of the Chill," then this DJ Short Blueberry shit is Knave of the Chill.  wait - is that a medieval rank, the "knave?" I think it is.

I am now watching a Netflix movie called "Synchronic." It looked cool and I thought that this one called out to  me because it had the word "chronic" in the name. IT WAS A SIGN!

Later that morning after waking up: I still wouldn't take great effort to hunt this down but I enjoyed it the second time more than the first.

Tonight is the NIGHT, homies! I have had this shit in my stash for a LONG-ass time and I am finally reviewing it.

Way back when Stately Mr. Wang decided to start gettin' his shit at dispensaries, one of the dudes at one of the first ones I ever visited told me about a strain he was trying to get called 1024.  He said that it was originally from Spain and apparently it was great shit.

A loooong time later, I decided to buy some to see what this hype was about. And then I put it aside. And I kept smoking other strains. And I finally, finally got around to 1024 tonight.

So it's a little before 1 AM and I smoked that 1024 about 10 minutes ago.  Nah, 15.

I feel drifty and floaty and GOOD. I am not ridiculously high, even though I smoked over half of a decent skinny blunt. I didn't get too hungry, but I have farted more than usual and the tip of my nose is supercool. WEIRD!

If I said that I knew a "spicy brunette," it could be that I'm a sleazeball... but it could also be that I'm a cannibalistic serial killer.

I'm definitely not one of those and I try not to be the other one.

I smoked about a half-joint of Mango Sapphire about ten minutes ago.

Right after smoking it, I came in and got snacks.  When I saw one of the cartons of ice cream in the fridge that said "homestyle vanilla," just for a few moments I thought it said "freestyle vanilla," and then I thought of an anfropomorphic vanilla ice cream container rapping about how cold it was in there and shit.

So I'm eating some ice cream and it has a BIGass ribbon of coconut goo in it.  So I held the ice cream up close to my nose and sniffed hard. It smelled like fuckin wintertime chidhood happiness.

You know what? I don't think I've ever had a huckleberry. I bet "Huckleberry Finn" wouldn't have been nearly as successful if Mark Twain had decided to call the title charcater "Kumquat Finn."

I miss playin in the snow when I was a kid. Fuck, I miss being able to go out into the snow and play them come back in for hot cocoa. It's currently August during a fuckin pandemic.And I have a job.

----

Overall: Not bad. I got sleepy quickly (passed out) but it was a fun, chilled-out strain that made me feel good. Would smoke again, homies.

----------------

Try #2, most of a thin blunt outside in beautiful spring weather at about 1:15 in the morning. Slightly jamming around to some Manic Street Preachers (but using earbuds because, unlike some of my neighbors, I'm not a fuckin douchebag.)

You know what I like the idea of? Pool parties. You know what I hate? Pool parties.

I made myself some late-night nachos and OHMYGOD this is good. Right now I'm pondering sentences that nobody in the world has likely ever thought. It's interesting how some strains can make me lose my thoughts and then get outside of my heads thinking specifically about my thinking process, like a recursion. Weed is amazing.

When I read this and I'm conscious again and sober and shit, I'm reminding myself to think about my memories of the old house, with the blank rooms, at night. Not my parents house. A house we... visited? So many mysteries about it.

Thinking about how good those nachos were and swaying in my chair. "Sway" is an odd word, isn't it?

I'm thinking of writing a comedy about a douchey Baptist minister who creates a summer dance program to help young men "sway out the gay."

I've never huffed glue, but I'm wondering if anyone ever died by trying to huff a bottle of Elmer's glue, but when doing so, shoving the nozzle up into their sinus cavity and squeezing the bottle. That would be an embarrassing way to die.

You know what I like? Losing weight. You know what I don't like? Trying to lose weight. You know what I like? Donuts.

This strain combines a near-perfect blend of chillness and dumbness to help cleanse my mental palette.

I want to put on some reggae music and dance my way down the hall to get my phat ass some donuts to help wash these nachos down, but I also want to lean my head back until I'm unconscious. It's close to 2 AM, and right now if anyone reached out to me for help they would have to deal with one chilled-ass motherfucker who couldn't even drive over to help them.

I see why they call it "stoned." I feel about as useless as a pet rock right now. But also very happy to be so useless.Sometimes ignorance really is bliss, fam.

Okay, so this one was called "Ghost of Von" at the dispensary, but the more I looked into it online, the more I saw the full name "Ghost of Von Humboldt OG" and the less I saw anything just called "Ghost of Von." So, I am pretty sure GoVHOG is what we're dealing wit here.

--

So, I am typing this under the influence of the Ghost of Von Humboldt OG. I'm hearing chaotic violin music in the back of my head and the front of my brain feels like it's processing half a dozen thoughts all at once. I'm eating strawberry ice cream and feeling like I'm riding a roller-coaster. Closing my eyes gives me a visual from the front car of that roller-coaster. Now I'm thinking about old college professors. Now I'm thinking about Italian sports cars. Now I'm thinking about trolleys and Mr. Rogers and Mr. T and Mr. Mister. Now I'm thinking about fuckin. Now I'm wondering how many muscles in my body would legitimately be considered "damaged" by a medical professional right now. Now I'm thinking about Post Malone. Now I'm thinking about Pablo Picasso. Now I'm thinking about a dog running around a pasture. Now I'm thinking of vintage Swiss Miss cocoa packaging. Now I'm thinking about small towns and that old John Cougar Mellencamp song called "Small Town". Now I'm thinking about old video game sound effects. Now I'm thinking about how the ice cream tastes GREAT but it's also giving the back of my throat a weird, extremely pleasant cooling effect. Now I'm back to being horny. I wish I had someone to talk with, but I'm the only one here. Now I'm thinking about orgies and elephants and circus clowns and how do monitors work and how does grammar work and Jason Mendozaaaaaa.

Now I'm thinking about how purple weed strains usually dont look all that purple to me and I'm thinking about the coronavirus and how I hope I don't have it and now I'm thinking about how I currently have MAD munchies and I'm out of fuckin ice cream. Well, in this bowl. Now I'm thinking about how I followed a bowl with a different type of bowl. Now I'm smiling.

Now I am horny again. Now I'm thinking of "More Than a Feeling." Now I'm wishing that one of my eyes' irises would suddenly turn white whenever I got significantly angry, because that would freak the shit out of people. Now I'm thinking about sitting on the beach in Hawaii looking across the ocean. Now I'm thinking about John Candy laughing. Now I'm thinking that that's kind of sad. Now I'm thinking about red lights. Now I'm thinking of Mount Vesuvius and Kracatoa and footrubs. I fuckin love footrubs.

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude this stuff is good. I feel chilled out even though I just thought about all of that stuff within like ten minutes.

Whoa. Just thought I saw someone poke their head out of the closet for a second. That was scary.

I am BAKED. Like, I feel smoothed out. I feel like dancing in a pimp suit. I feel like tongue-dancing the mambo on some chicky-poo and having her call me "Daddy Wang." Man, sometimes I can be funny.

It just occurred to me that the year 2000 was twenty whole years ago. Time is a dick, you know? I'm going to go back down the hall to the kitchen. This could be scary. I could trip and die.

Now I'm back with an vanilla fudge ice cream cone thing, And now I just took a bite and thought about how it would seem like one moment Iwas really enjoying this, and the next moment it would be gone.  And then it occurred to me that I was having an existential crisis after a prepackaged frozen confectionary dessert caused me to have to delve in such an inner dialogue.

"It's hard to hide the kid inside when you're crunchin' an O-R-E-O." Did you know that? I have no oreos here. And I just finished that Drumstick-ish cone thing. And I'm thankful for it. So, so thankful.

I'm higgggggh. Or should it be "hiiiiiiiigh?" Not sure which reads better. Thinking about late 1980s house music. Wondering if I need another snack. No, I do not need another snack. And now I'm watching some porn.

...and now I'm thinking of Elton John signing the chorus to "I'm Still Standin'," but with the words changed to "I Shoot Salmon."

Okay, #1 honey picked this one out while we were in Okielahoma. While we were at the dispensary, I asked the budtender what the lineage was. She said "It's a pure sativa." Heavily doubting this, I asked: "So it's a landrace strain?" She looked like she had no idea what I was talking about. Deer in the fuckin headlights for a second. (Other than that, she was awesome.) So, I doubt this is a true, pure sativa... but I don't know the parentage.
-----

Oh SHIT fam! It's now SEVERAL months later and I just smoked some of it solo.  Three medium hits from a glass spoon pipe at around half past midnight.

I'm about ten minutes or so into the high. I'd kept this shit preserved with a Boveda pack, and when I just opened it it still smelled SOOO good. When smoked it tasted earthy, dirty and a little bitter... kind of like a lot of Oklahoma, so I think the name's fitting.
-

I'm now a few minutes later and my thoughts are outrunning me, saying "hi" to me then jumping three steps ahead and then slowing down just enough for me to catch up. I can barely remember how to type. I feel honesty, truly well-baked.

Things I don't feel like doing right now: work, porn, your shit, or my shit. I don't feel like doin SHIT. I have a big smile on my face and I'm feeling pretty fucking happysweetfam.

Now I'm eating big chunks of some fresh pears, (big shout out to past sober me for settin current high-as-balls me up with this shit in advance before I got high) and they taste fuckin SUBLIME.

I feel like writing a musical set in the Mexican disco scene of the early 1980s.

I'm not saying that as part of a joke. I genuinely DO feel like writing that musical. It would be fantastic.

I feel like the embodiment of a bobble-head doll right now, but my thoughts are still jettisoning a bit ahead of me.

And just like that... the pears were gone. And I was sad. I was sad, boys and girls. And you know what made me sad? The fact that I ever knew that these pears existed.

I want to go back in there and get more pears but I have a feeling that once I was in the kitchen I'd end up getting myself a big ass bowl of ice cream instead.

I keep thinking that I hear a low-flying plane overhead. But it's the mixture of my computer humming and my #1 boo snoring in the next room.

Here's what trying to type feels like. I want to tell you something.

Then about 200 thoughts jet into my brain at once, like covering me in a pile of rocks mentally... I'm not really able to catch one particular thought.

And then I climb back to the top of my consciousness, hoping I can remember what I was just thinking about.

And at the top of that climb, I'm waving from a hole in the ground of my consciousness, as I am ascending to above ground... and just as I'm completely on the surface, I am covered with another 200-300 more thoughts all at once.

Mentally, it feels like being in the lowest floor of a parking garage, right in the middle, when something snapped and the whole structure of that parking garage collapsed onto me abruptly.

I wonder if any lesbian couples in the history of the world played while they were both mounted at either end of a pair of longhorns.

Mooooooooooo. That's a COW reference.

Ok, so that's bull.

------

[Soon after, I thankfully passed out. This was a little too intense for my taste, fam, but kinda fun.  I'm giving it a "Yes," but it's far from a favorite.]

YES

This was my first experience with Banana Punch, late night, about a year after I bought it. Yeah, I set it to the side and never got around to smoking it. Silly me.

Moments later, I felt like dancing down the hall and after I sat at my desk, I started beatboxing a little. And that's where I'm at now. Sitting here high and feeling chill and cool.

Like, right now, I don't even feel like being funny. I just feel my own energy feeding out from around my head like a halo and then turning itself around and going back in. And that makes me sound like a dirty hippy fuck.

And now I'm seeing trails behind my hands as I move them. Kinda like slo-mo but faster. Oh, fam this would be EXCELLENT sex weed.

Strawberry Cough,
Amnesia

I realize yo' mileage may vary, but this was some of the stickiest bud I've ever encountered! It was CRAZYsticky. The bud also indeed have the smell of strawberry to it, which was impressive.

I smoked a bit of it with #1 Boo while watching some "Community" and then we had some playtime. This was not the best sex weed but REALLY GOOD... things seemed more sensitive and long-lasting, and there was a gradual euphoria. Even tho my thoughts were trailin, I wasn't too far gone. When I finally "finished," it felt stronger and I felt like I got an extra "pump" or 2.

And yet, there was something kind of "missing" from it, and I still can't figure out what. I would far more enjoy fuckin after smoking Purple Dream or Atomic Northern Lights, that's fo-sho.

I'm glad to have tried this shit because I had seen it on an "aphrodisiac" strains list a while back, and my ass was shocked when I found it at a dispensary! It's not that easy to find, but even though I had a great time with it, I wouldn't go to a lot of trouble to hunt it down again, fam.

WOW.  So, my boo and I smoked a bowl of Dr. Who before a sex session, and it was mos def a fuckin visual mayhem strain.

I can remember a LOT of mental images. Like a tunnel-vision shot, black-and-white, of people standing ina park. And at one point, a big, circular, neon-green-lined UFO-looking thing. There was even a time when my brain was creating brand new images every second or three. It was craaaaazy.

With all that going on, I could not concentrate enough to really enjoy the fuckin. So, she had fun, but I had to stop the mission. Overall, this was a WILD trip - not quite Alpha blue or Cosmic Queen wild, but this stuff was able to jack me up pretty well. A little too many hits of a little too-strong shit. Whoa.

WHOA.  I smoked some of this shit just a few minutes ago and holy fuck its hitting hard. I'm hyperfocusing on just parts of my vision, and then it looked like my eyesight was getting blurry but it turned out that I was just noticing that my glasses were dirty.

I was hitting "cancel" on this computer a couple of minutes ago, and then I heard Snoop Dogg in my head saying "Cancel that bullsheeit," and that was funny.  I just saw an image of myself laughing and falling off my chair, then I saw it again replaced with an anime character.  I'm thinking in layers and my thoughts are spinning.  Oh my GOSH this is some of the most high I've ever been and shhheeeeeit

I'm thinking up kick ass melodies that I've never heard before, but I know that I'll forget them by the time I'm sober, and it's really just a trick from high me trying to keep sober me from becoming a major pop record producer.

It is difficult to make sense now or even to type a sentence and pick the best word(s). Ohhhhhhh my thoughts are failling off a cliff and I thought I just saw Samara in the corner of my vision. That was scary for a second.

I'm sorry you're dead, Laura Branigan! I feel that your life and career were cut short and "Self Control" was a great great song.

I remember that video being so fucking controversial when it came out and I don't even remember why except it was something sexual. My vision is getting shaky.  Whoaaaaa.

I'm floatin way high, way up in the sky...It's like I can see my irises, through their layers, up to the surface, and then I can climb down into them like a tunnel.

Fuck, Wang, you shouldn't write a whole novel about this!  Well, this is going to be really long review, so click HERE for the rest of it...

Okay and then this part opens in a new window:

Did I hear that they are making a live-action "Dragon's Lair" movie or series at some point? It was a big deal because "Dragon's Lair" was so fucking old.

I'm seeing myself touched by an enormous orange spotlight. Immersed in it. I feel superglorious right now.

I wonder if there are any dreadful rap songs out there about wanting someone's dead parents to come back? That would be a shitty and sad rap song. Probably sung by a shitty and sad person.

Whoaaaaa - I just got a serious case of the giggles.  Like, the giggles that made be believe that "the giggles" were real and not just a made up thing that people said about getting high.

I love the me of 30 minutes ago so much for preparing snacks to bring to the table beforehand. These grapes and apples are awesome. Thank you, past me!

Did you ever think about how when you squeeze a grape and then it looks like it has a mouth and it's screaming and then you have to stomp on it to put it out of its misery with your mind to rhyme and two hype feet.

I'm going to find that last part really funny tomorrow when I'm sober. I can practically guarantee it.

I'm now thinking about Irwin Scahaub or Irwin Schawb or whatever they are - attorney. NO he painted cars. For $99 or some shit.  Bring your car to Irwin R Schaub.

I think he's dead now.  Because I remember that being back in the 70s.  Or 80s

Erwin Schaib?  Car painter?  If this is someone who you know who the fuck that is, contact Robert Stack at Unsolved Mysteries to claim my reward.

Dude, these are dope grapes I'm eating. Like, not dope in the Todd Bridges way, but dope in the dope beats way. Do ya feel me, future me dawg?

It feels hedonistic to eat grapes right now. I just had to think about whether or not the "H" in "hedonistic" should have been capitalized. You know, typing is a bitch right now, and sitting down at this computer might not have been the most productive way to spend my time but at least I got something done and I felt happier and better about myself.

I love you, future me-self, and I think when you see this you'll probably cry. like, multiple times.

Sometimes, you are too hard on yourself, future me-self. You need to ease up. You a good guy.

Weed: It's not the worst way to kill the pain. That should be a shitty ad campaign for weed, right there. "The Weed Agency called, Dr. Wang, and they want to pay you to be their sspokesman: "Weed it's not the worst way to kill the pain."

Ha Hahahaha I hate to break it to you but I'm not a real doctor! I don't even claim to be when I get into corporate elevators and smile at the people around me.

I saw some stand-up shit by Eric Andre recently and I feel like I'm taking a risk by saying that I find him annoying. Like his crazy ass gonna come to my house just to start some shit and put a bullet in my head? Nope, not tonight, Aric Andre. Annoying-ass motherfucker.

I have a friend who has owed me about $90 for about two years and she doesn't really talk with me anymore. Her loss, dog. Well - MY loss because I'm out ninety dollars, but also her loss because I am AWESOME.

I'm a fairly content motherfucker and I'm betting I won't feel comfortable about typing the phrase "supreme ya face" but that it'll be relally funny later. So, future me, the me of tomorrow? "supreme ya face," you lucky sober son of a bitch.

Now I'm dancing (while sitting) in my chair like snoop dogg and thinking of rap lyrics about how lucky I feel that apples don't scream when you eat them.

I'm mentally reviewing in my head the quality of calling someone "quirky" as an insult. I don't think it's wise because some people like quirky things and might be the type of people who also get easily offended.  So, forget I mentioned it.you quirky suck-off-contest-winner?  I think compound words like those are even funnier with hyphens between the words, and you should think the hyphens are funnier too or else I'll come to your house and beat your punk ass!

I'm just kidding about that part and you should probably leave it out.

Whoa I'm thinking in circles, thinking in circles, thinking in cir-cles.....

AwwwwYESSSSFAM! I smoked a little over half of a pretty sweet joint I'd rolled in pineapple paper. DAMN son! This shit was poppin! I wrote notes to remind myself:

I had an internal debate about the name "Romeo" from Romeo & Juliet vs. "Ro-MAY-o" as in Alfa Romeo. I wondered to myself if they were both supposed to be pronounced the same and everyone I'd ever heard say one or the other word could have been wrong.

I wanted to eat some Double-Stuf Oreos that my #1 boo had bought but I felt bad because I didn't have anything playing on Netflix and it felt like these cookies would be worse for me (and I would feel like even more of a tubby lazyass) if I ate them WITHOUT watching something on TV.

I noticed that I was having an easier time thinking back a few minutes about what I'd been thinking about than I had with a lot of strains.

I wanted to eat ALL of the Oreos in the container, but in the interest of my relationship with #1 honey, I did not.

I actively wanted to fuck but #1 boo was already asleep. It felt like this would be GREAT sex weed, which I'd already heard it was.

I felt guilty about eating so many Oreos when I was trying to lose weight. But, as I wrote in my notes, "Hedonism overran the guilt."

I watched a Tom Segura special ("Completely Normal") by myself while stoned and that was funny as SHIT!!!

So, YES - Citrus Sap, hard as fuck to find, but a really, really wicked good strain.

-----

Update: #1 Boo and I smoked a half-joint of this shit before playtime, and it was REALLY good, but not as great as some other strains for fuck weed. I asked if she thought we should get some more, and she said "We have better." I'd still recommend it.

Oh my GOD this was sweet sweet awesomeness, fam! The bad part: A little bit of throat irritation. The good part: my skin got really tingly, and I didn't get too out-of-it, but I felt GREATTTTT and I wanted to cuddle a lot, then eventually I really, REALLY wanted to fuck. I made a note that mentally I felt like "a raging Bonerstorm."

I thought about how I might risk Coronavirus after I sobered up (the Wangster says don't drive high, homies) just to go out and get a big-ass bag of Skittles. Skittles are some of my favorite snacks when I'm blazed.

Anyway... I LOVED Ice Cream Cake and I will do my best to keep some of it in my stash fo'evamore.

-----

Update:  I tried some of this with #1 Boo before playtime and she was not a fan.  Once we got to going, I somehow kept getting hit with a lot of thoughts all at once, including some bad memories and negativity... so I couldn't "finish" even though we went for a really long time.  It wasn't until the following morning that I found out she didn't "finish" either (and normally she does over and over, because ya boy got mad skills). So maybe Ice Cream Cake isn't great fuck weed after all.

My key word that I kept thinking while I was high on this was "glorious."  The high felt glorious, the sound of the symphony (or at least the brass section) playing a song I'd never heard before in my head was "glorious," my dick felt glorious without anyone even touching it, and even the four-cheese pizza Hot Pocket I ate was glorious.

I wrote the following in my notes while high:

I'm extremely chilled-out but visually I'm hyperfocusing. It's like I'm looking at my phone (or monitor or whatever) but all my peripheral vision is now a lot more grey and fuzzy.

And now I'm wondering if professional book publishers release books with one space between the sentences or two?

Also, munchies. Holy shit, I had a Hot Pocket, and a piece of cake, and a banana, and another banana... It was like "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" up in this bitch!

This high is curling me all up in warmth and happiness. There's a soft, curved hook to it.

Horny. VERY horny. I want to get down and do some nasty things with a hottie, specifically to rhythmic Latin music, for some reason. My skin feels more receptive to touch, like a soft electricity. I sound like a damn hippie.

If I ever had the opportunity to fuck Georgia Hardstark, I would rock her world.

...

After a while, I ended up drifting in and out of sleep, and at one point, I found myself with some MAJOR throat dryness and I coughed quite a bit. But, that went away fairly quickly. BIG thumbs up to the Nitro Cookies!

-----

Review #2, several months later.

It's a little bit past midnight in a city of Danger. I'm Wang. Bruce Wang. No, not Batman. Different dude, dudes.

I'm slaughtering some cheese fries so badly that my name will strike fear in the hearts of... well, other cheese fries, I guess.  Their villages will sing songs about me.

Now I'm downing Oreos like there's no fuckin tomorrow.

You know what I like best about Nitro Cookies, fam? It's WEED.

That might not be as funny when I read it tomorrow when I'm sober.

I'm about to watch a movie called "Death of a Vlogger." I have a feeling this is going to suck.

[Sober note: It didn't suck, but I did fall asleep early on.]

I had some somewhat old Berry Mania, but it was well preserved, still a bit sticky in my grinder and smelled AMAZING. I just smoked a skinny blunt of this shit about fifteen minutes ago, outside, around 1 AM.

I feel slightly mellow but not much else. It's a nice feeling. I feel a little more creative than usual, I guess. I'm able to follow a movie online.

I don't feel especially horny. just tired and a little hungry. I've also got a pulled muscle in my neck and this is not helping a lot with the pain.

Okay. I just watched about 42 minutes of a video and I'm heading to bed. This shit was boring, fam. It's a "No" but I'm willing to give it another shot someday.

When I found out a nearby place had Snow Goddess, I looked it up on Leafly and went to the reviews. The one effect that showed up over and over and OVER in reviews as "Arousing." This sounded like good fuck weed, so I HAD to gets me some!

A few nights later, I tried it, solo. I'm actually typing this as it takes effect.

The arousal from this one comes in surprisingly fast. My skin has that nice, fuzzy electrical feeling. I'd fuckin make out with myself if I could.

[And about ten to fifteen minutes later, having nobody to play with while high at the time, I passed out and woke up around 5 AM.]

I'm going to say this is good shit, but more research will be necessary, fam!

The first thing that struck me about Sin's OG was how incredibly smooth it was. I had this shit rolled up in a maple syrup-flavored joint with a glass tip and a cotton filter. Really frou frou because sometimes that's how I roll. I smoked that shit down and by the time I was done my vision was already a little blurry, and I noted that I somehow felt "a little fucking superhuman."

I felt an odd, warm pressure behind and beneath my eyes, and when I blinked, I could see my eyelids opening.  I felt high but not TOO high, and while I was already horny before sparkin the J, this Sin's OG helped maintain that level of wanna-fuckedness. I felt cuddly and my skin felt sensitive. this was goooood shit.

======

Second try, months later, late night, skinny blunt:  Daaaaamn.  My inhibition filter went down while I was chattin with a friend and I gave NO shits about what I was sayin. I mean, nothing horrible or anything but I was more open than usual. Also, horny?  Yeah.  Horny. Unfortunately, I passed out pretty quickly, tho, but I was exhausted from other shit.

I'm about ten minutes into a Blue Steel high. I know I bought this shit months ago, but got distracted by other strains and now I'm finally back around to trying it.

This one's a creeper. Like, I can tell that I'm high but I'm just a LITTLE fuzzy. I'm eating a big-ass bowl of Corn Pops. Man, Corn Pops used to be bigger when I was a kid. I think.

-----

Next day retrospective: Last night I smoked one of the shittiest blunts I've ever rolled, because the wrap cracked and I wasn't getting good hits. It took a long-ass time to finish it and I didn't even know if I was really gonna be high.

After writing the beginning of the review above, I looked up something to watch on Netflix. I started it, paused it immediately, looked at something else online, and that's all I remember before a truck full of drowsy ran over my ass.

I woke up about two hours later and didn't want to move for a bit, then finally shuffled to bed. I'm really glad I didn't buy a bunch of this strain, homies. I got relaxed and then that was about it.

Hybrid, Indica-Dominant (Possibly Balanced; Ratio Disputed)

Okay, I'm typing this one AS I'm high from the Purple Mr. Nice. Smoked a half-joint, coconut paper, glass tip, nice shit. Okay. I went to get a snack right after smoking... and I couldn't remember which dish to put a cinammon roll on. The answer, for those of you who may also be really high, was "plate."

Shit. And then I had a deep thought about how all neapolitan ice creams can also legitimately be called "tres leches," because they use three different types of milk. You got your chocolate milk, your strawberry milk, and your vanilla, um, milk. All residing in harmony. Uno, dos, TRES leches right there, fam.

I then thought for only a second about how I should put the ice cream on the plate with the cinammon roll, and then immediately remembered that ice cream doesn't go on a plate.

Unless you're at a kid's birthday party.  I guess.

I then thought of something my daddy used to tell me: "Never trust a dude who calls you 'brother' way too often." Spoiler alert: As it turns out, my dad never said that. But I did. Just now. In my high head.

I feel only kind of horny, but I feel pretty fuckin awesome right about now. I feel like I could say "I could fuck" kind of like people say "I could eat." Am I horny?  "Yeah, I could fuck."

Okay, this ice cream has tres leches. Chocolate. Caramel (I think). and Coconut with little bits of coconut in it. This ice cream is awesome. It's illegal in my state to marry a bowl of ice cream. That would be silly. My dick would get cold.

I'm thinking about high shit but I'm also not mentally broken to pieces and orbiting the moon.  I almost said "orbiting the sun" and then I remembered - I AM.

I am soooo chilled out right now, homies. If it weren't for this COVID-19 shit floating around right now, this would be a great one for passing around a group of people, telling stories and shit. I feel like I could really go for a good conversation with a hot, brainy chick right about now. While being blown by another hot, brainy chick. Right about now.

I don't feel horny so much as I feel... "amorous." and maybe a little horny.

-----

Added note, next day: Holy shit! I LOVED that. What a great strain. That's going into my must-haves.

------

Second experience:  A few months later, same batch, smoked about half a joint about ten minutes ago. Whoa, fam. This is still some DAMN good shit. I'm eatin myself some brazilian cheesy bread and I'm finishing up season two of "Cobra Kai." Also worth noting that this time around I'm horny as a mothafucka.

I just had a mental self-discussion about which one sounds shittier: "motherfucka" or "mothafucker." I think the second one sounds shittier.

Okay, it's, like, two hours later. I am still not asleep.It is nearly 3 AM. Time to crash. This is still good shit.

This one is also known as "Larry Bird." I used to play the "Dr. J vs Larry Bird 1-on-1" computer game back in the day. I'm ollllllld-school, fam.

I smoked about 1/3 of a joint of this shit wrapped up in bubblegum-flavored paper. Decent smoothness with no coughing, so that was good. But it didn't make me significantly happier or hornier or anything. I was already not in a great mood and this didn't help me much. I felt some cerebral buzz and the way I felt, if I WAS havin sex after smoking this, it probably would have felt good, but I wasn't, so it didn't.

I'm on the fence about this one, homies. I'd really hoped it would make me feel a lot happier. But nah.

=====

Try #2. Okay. Months later. Late at night, most of a blunt, while relaxing outside under a deck cover while it's raining.

I'm back inside, like maybe an hour later, and I am feeling gooood,homies.

[Retrospective, after sleep:  That experience was good enough for me to change my "No" rating to a "Yes," but this is still far from a favorite.]

So far, I'm about five minutes or so into this high, and it's feeling greeeeeat, fam. I can tell you that the smoke was rediculousy smooth and tasted REALLY good. Smoked half a joint wrapped in marshmallow-flavored paper. I'm feeling the high hit me right between the eyes. It's getting harder/more fun to type and I feel like my eyes want to cross. I'm also horny.

I'm watching some NetFlix and having a snacky snack. You know what I miss? The smell of the old paste we used when I was in kindergarden. I can still remember only really using "glue" at home until school, and then realizing what "paste" was, so it was like an upgrade from glue.

I think that snack food companies should give sponsorships and contracts to pot users. We could probably make the best snacks for them. I would like to make a snack and market it with the name "Stolie-olie's Snacky Snacks." Nobody has ever called me Stolie-olie before. I just made that up and it was funny.

I'm funny, right? Tell me I'm funny.

Okay, maybe forty-five minutes later. I have felt very little euphoria and my thoughts haven't been jumbled or gone driftinng out too far, but I've felt amazing. Really amazing. Fuck, fam. This is good shit.

A few minutes later: I feel like I'm starting to fall asleep but I am thinking about how very, very lucky I am. Lucky, lucky Dr. Wang. Thoughts are starting to rush.

=======

In retrospect: GOOD shit. But, just as I was starting to fade out at the end, my thought frequency went kind of off the charts and the euphoria took over. It was weird.

Pre-98 Bubba Kush,
Blue Moon Rocks

Oh, fam, I was SO fucking GLAD to get this shit.  I'd been wanting to try some Carl Sagan ever since I first read about it several months before I bought some.

I smoked about half a joints worth and it's now about ten minutes later. My view of the room is getting "wavy," I got munchies like a son of a bitch, and I feel "mentally horny" but more, I feel lonely.

My head just had a weird, light feeling, and my face felt puffy. I'm smiling without much good reason.

-----

After those last notes, I ended up watching a movie for a few minutes and then passing out for a few hours in my computer chair.  Shit!  This seemed like good shit, but I should try it again.

-----

Over a year later, same batch, homies, I just smoked about half of a little cone of fuckin Carl Sagan here. I'm not even five minutes in from smoking - took maybe four or five really good hits. could go for some Laffy Daffy Taffy right about now. Daffy Taffy is the shit you get when you buy Laffy Taffy from Wish.com.

Gonna try to do some dishes, fam. Here we go. Gettin up now. Gettin up to do the dishes. Yep. Barely past eleven and gettin up to do the fuckin... um... yeahhhhhh I'm gonna bump this from "Yes, kind of" to the much more distinquished "Yes."

Love my girlie, love my girlie, wanna bang her til her toes turn curly. That's a rhyme by Wang. Compyright 2023 yours truly. Word.

Update: I just thought about takin my glasses off so that I could put in my ear buds. Shiiiiit.

About a half-hour later: Okay, while doing those dishes I was listening to spooky-ass stories on YouTube, and at one point there was a "thud" like someone in my place had closed a door. Like a thud I could feel. I checked the front door. still locked. Sorry to get creepy, fam, but shit. That was scary. This weed still worth a "Yes." Also that could have been a car door outside. Heres hopin.

About ten minutes later and I still had the feeling someone was here. really fuckin creepy. Still a good high, even if theres some paranoia involved.

More update: About 15-30 minutes later, time is a fuzzy-ass blur. I thought to myself, "What if someone is in my place and I fall asleep at the computer and they come up and SHIT in my HAIR?"

So, I just did the smartest shit possible. I went and had about another 4 hits from that same Carl Sagan. Whoa. The floatiness is aflutter, yo.

About 12-20 minutes later: Congress needs to make a law that says amateur porn is not allowed to have shitty southern rock ballads as their background, especially when it obscures anyone's speaking voice, because the dialogue matters, dammit.

97.1

So, this one had a bit of a history. I bought this to hang out with one chick, and then she got all fuckin flaky and weird, and then we lost touch without ever meeting in person.

I didn't get around to smokin this shit until quite a while later when I was hanging out with #1 girly. Not bad at all! Not amazing but good shit! We had some good times, fam. Laughed a bit, played a bit. This was good for making our skin feel extra-good, and even though I felt a little euphoric, I also felt "in control" of myself the whole time. At the end of it, she loved it more than I did, but I was still pretty impressed.

Whoooooa. I took two really good hits of Ghost Fuel from a tiny glass pipe, and I am HIGH, fam. Like, I don't feel like this shit's going to knock me out. Part of me feels energized.

These pistachios seem softer and not as crunchy. I hope a monkey didn't break into my house and piss on 'em while I wasn't looking.

Every pistachio is a gamble, my friends. Much like life.

I'm not getting much drymouth, but I did like the munchies like a motherfucker.

On a related note, you know what goes really well with cookie dough ice cream? fuckin PEANUT BUTTER, fam. Just typing that made me want to get myself some more. Shit.

I feel woozy and partially incoherent... but not completely everywhere out of it. I bet this weed would be really good sex pot. It's not making my skin all ting0ly or anything though.

I am not going back to the kitchen for more ice cream. I am at my desk, kicking back, not worrying about shit, and laying waste to a bunch of skittles.

I feel like a pimp on a tropical island. I wonder if there are pimps in Hawaii. I mean, there'd have to be, right? They're a party state.

I am the SKITTLE DESTROYR. Eating this many Skittles at once has got to result in damage to my teeth and my self-esteem, but in my current mental state, I don't give much of a fuck about either of them. And I usually really like my teeth.

My thoughts are like factors in a full

----

...and that's where I stopped before I passed out.

---

Second Review, mebbe a year later...

It's late and I just took down a short skinny blunt outside. I feel like I'm slowly vibrating inside of a warm cloud that protects me.

Yo, was there ever a sports guy or a news guy of some shit named Cint Chancellor? Maybe Dave Chancellor? I feel like at this point in my life I should be familiar with more Chancellors.

I want to release a comedy album with a really cool retro album cover with a title that says "LEGENDARY FUNK" in big pink letters.

Critical Mass,
Black Domina

You know the feeling when you apply a temporary tattoo and the extra water makes the backing come loose and slip around?  That's how I was feeling here, mentally, for a few moments.  I felt good, but not outstanding.

Then... it calmed down.  I mean, this was okay shit, and being an 80:20 indica, I expected to be sleepy, but it's like I kind of lost all purpose and just drifted off.

So, I'd be willing to smoke this again and see if my experience was different.  But for now... I've got much better, fam.

=====

I decided to re-do the Sugar Black Rose experience a few nights later.  I took more and bigger hits, and now I'm sitting here letting it sink in.

I've already had a moment where I didn't remember putting an ice cream carton into the freezer even though it was moments before, and then a point when I sat down and didn't remember why I needed to use this computer right now.

My eardrums are kind of hurting. That's weird.

And now I'm thinking about the go-kart I used to drive around the yard when I was a kid. This made me sad and then I got stuck in a loop of "blah" for what seemed like a minute but probably lasted about three seconds.

Oh, here comes the positive part. I feel bright and my skin is a little tingly.  And now I'm thinking about a study about bilaterally symmetric anatomy:  Why do some parts match from left to right and others twist around inside your guts?

And now I wonder if anyone ever consumed so much peanut butter that it killed them.  I feel good. Really nice. The breeze of the fan feels nice on me. Damn fam. I am liking this.

I'm getting spurts of different thoughts shooting into my brain like mental bukkake and I'm wondering which thoughts will stick.

====

So... now that I've sobered up:  Not a favorite, but not bad.

Such a gooood chilled-out strain. I wrapped some up in a bubblegum-flavored paper and smoked about a quarter joint to just try to smoove myself out. I'm currently floating mentally while watching a movie.This shit tasted good. Like at some points it tasted like bubblegum (the paper probably helped) and then there were some points when the smoke tasted a little like pork rinds.

And now I am wiping out a whole bunch of M&Ms.

======

Next Morning Update: For a while after I woke up, I couldn't even remember what the movie was. This was good shit, homies. It make me feel more relaxed while still being able to retain focus.  I'm not sure I'd call it a must-have, especialy since it's not easy to find anyway, and I'm not sure that I dig it as much as shit like Death Star and MK Ultra. Also I haven't tried it as sex weed. But this was undeniably good shit - a solid indica high.

=====

Another try, months later, from another batch. Little less than half a short joint. I feel warm and smiley. I bet I could be really chatty with someone right now. I'm also feeling mentally horny.

I just spent way too much time at the Netflix menu at my tablet. Trying to find the search.

Found it.

Watching parts of a movie that you've only watched when you're stoned is funny, because you kind of remember the scenes but you don't really know what happens.  Tonight I'm doing that, but I'm stoned right now, so it'll be like DOUBLE funny or something.

I've got Beck "Where It's At" in my head right now.

Bubblegum,
White Widow

The only place I've ever seen an actual percentage listed for this shit has been at the dispensary itself, who had 60:40 Sativa on the jar. Then again, they also didn't seem to know that the name of the strain was meant to be all one word. All that I found online says that it's slightly sativa-dominant, but no percent.

----

So, I smoked some. A couple or so hits from a bong. I'm high right now. I finally found a strain that made me understand how it felt to have the high start "behind the eyes" or "between the eyes" or whatever.

I'm seeing my current life and a cartoon version of my life simultaneously. I feel like I've been sitting here for hours when really it's been a few minutes.

I just realized that I brought in a cup of yogurt before I sat down, but I was already so high that I forgot to get a spoon.

Ever eaten a partially-frozen strawberry? it's pretty fuckin trippy.

I need a spoon and I feel sad about having to get up to get a spoon.

Superheroes have secret identities, and so do I. My thoughts are like an oceam wave crashing down upon itself recursively and It's like I'm seeing myself in the middle of a stadium and then he's seeing a smaller version of myself and then he's seeing a smaller version. My brain is racing. Also, I need a spoon.

I just came back with a spoon and some Chips Ahoy and as I was walking back down the long hall I turned into a short, blonde anime character for a few seconds.

And now I just thought about all these ways to hurt people's feelings when in fact I didn't even want to hurt someone's feelings at the time.

I am a porcelain baby from Victorian times. These chips ahoy are  spectacular and I'm floatiiiiiiiing. I bet Gloria Estefan was an amazing lay in her heyday. I never really had a crush on Estefan, but for some reason I have a crush on her now.

Just looked up pictures of Gloria Estefan online to make sure I had her name right. I am sooooo high right now. Shit.

I just ran through all of the stores in a small shopping center repeatedly In my mind. In a couple of seconds.

I try to force myself to think one full, coherent thought in defiance of my high. I am the Nonnegby Haig. The Witch. I'm putting together words in my head that don't exist and questioning the worth of individual sounds and syllables in words that do exist. it's poetic.

Hey how would you like another set of notes? Here's a nice, flexible note. Ooh this stuff kinda chewed up my throat and I'm coughing a bit more than usual

------

In retrospect, holy shit, that was intense. I would rank it up there with Alpha Blue and Cosmic Queen insofar as its level of fucked-uppedness, and I didn't even smoke a ton of it!

I just took two pretty serious pipe hits of some Rug Burn OG.  The first thing I noticed was that the smoke seemed really, really thick from this one, and the taste was kind of earthy but nice.

I went to the kitchen, grabbed a quick snack from the feezer, and before I even sat down at my desk things were already getting hazy.

Since this one was 80% indica, I didn't expect to be off-the-walls trippy or shit like that. I expected feeling chilled, maybe a little groovy, and maybe more than a little horny. Rug Burn definitely has had its share of good reviews in the "sex weed" department, and for me, well, I can say my heart is thumping and my crotch feels oddly warm.

I went back and got a bowl of ice cream. As I was scooping it, I had an elated feeling about getting back to the desk and watching something funny. Like, really looking forward to it.

Several minutes later, I was feeling horny, but like "high school/college" horny, like with the butterflies in my crotch. Then, that evolved to superhorny. I hadn't even started a comedy show... but I was changing course for Planet Pornhub.

-----

(And I fell asleep before I could even do anything about that. Still - WHAT a great high! This will become a must-have.)

The good news with this one is that even though I felt high, I didn't feel disorientated. I was chilled and kind of sort of happy, but not as "giggly" as this strain's reputation had me thinkin I'd be.  I'd had about half a joint's worth and it felt like I just didn't smoke enough this time around.

I'm going to give it another try before passing judgment.

------

Try 2 - #1 Boo and I shared a joint of this shit while watching some Schitt's Creek.  It might have made it a little funnier, but we weren't super-giggly or anything. Also, I don't think either of us felt horny enough to do anything. Really disappointing.

I feel GROOOOVYYYYY right now, fam! I just smoked myself about half of a blunt and I am feeling chill. The thought factory in my brainbox just let half of the workers go on break. Some of the gears have stopped, and yet some continue to move. Even the vibration of the keys against my fingers when I type this feels interesting.

Other fun things that have happened: I was walking out of the bathroom door and turned toward the closed bedroom door and the light outline around that door kind of stunned me for a mo'. Then, I thought it was funny and said to myself "I need to add this enstartlement to my review."

I feel like my mind is racing a little but just enough - my reality is not bustin loose just yet.  Its like I'm not floating in the clouds but I'm skimming across the surface of happiness like a flat rock. Or a flat stone. Or a flat stonER! That's me, flat stoner skeezin across the surface of happy!

I think this would be a fuckin AWESOME sex strain fam! Man this feels like it would a really good threesome strain. You know how long it's been since ya boy Wang got down with two chicks at a time? Too fuckin long.

I don't feel very paranoid right now. I feel intelligent, I feel confident, and I feel like I could be the life of a party right now. That sounds so 1950s. "Be the Life of the Party, you pipe-smokin square-ass motherfucker, with some goddam Cherry Diesel."

"And while I'm at it, nice sweater vest."

"Ooooooh I feel just like Bobby Marley!  Ooooooh and you're Mary Janer Moore."

Time to go in the living room, grab a snacky snack, and watch a shitty movie. Also, you know what feels really fuckin good? Smiling.

------

Retrospective: Next Day: Oh that was GREAT shit! I ended up being able to focus on the movie, being alert, but also feeling hiiiigh and happy. Oh, and at one point I felt horny as a freight train.

====

Second experience with Cherry Diesel. Cherry Diesel part Deux. Cherry DieselDeux. Nombre Dos-o.

I just got hyperfocused on the news on my phone for a few minutes. Okay I'm back.

-----

Retrospective next day: I felt floaty and carefree and good, like I expected. And then... I started watching porn, but couldn't enjoy it. My brain basically shifted to a dream-state in which I thought about people I'd loved and people who had hurt me really badly. It was late at night, so I was really tired anyway. I stayed in this dreamstate for too long and then passed out. If this had been my only experience with Cherry D, it probably would have been a "no."

I'd had landrace sativas before, but this was the first time I'd bought a landrace indica. New experience, homies.

----

Whoa. Just smoked some of this PCK shit about five minutes ago.  Time is already slowed down and I'm feeling the things I love most about weed: The floatiness, the calmness, and the intermittent coolness (like actual chilly feeling) in my veins.

This is WONDERFUL.

And you know what, fam? I'm not feeling mad munchies. I mean, I could snack, but I'm not feeling CRAZY hungry. I've been more thirsty, and I've got some water and some herbal tea right here. I'm good.

I'm also not feeling crazy sleepy too. Relaxed. chilled. And I was already tired (It's about 1 AM), but I don't feel like I'm about to pass the fuck out.

------

So I felt good. For a little bit. I intended on watching something on Netflix. And then I passed the fuck out.

This was a good strain, and one that I would probably love using whenever I can get back together to socialize with homies.

==========

Test #2. About 1 AM, most of a skinny blunt, about 45 minutes ago. I'm feeling chilled out and I'm able to focus on shit. I'm watching YouTube reviews of hemp wraps. I so mentally horny I could fuck someone in half right about now.

==========

Test #3.  Late night, two massive bong hits (and a couple of half-hearted bong hits). I'm about ten minutes in and I'm already QUITE high.  I thought I hadn't reviewed this one!! Looks like I had. Like, twice.

Gettin' introspective all up in this bitch. Thinkin' about my own thought patterns. As opposed to my THOT patterns. Ha.

I just got distracted and lost in thought from reading product reviews of a car decal on Amazon.

Okay, I'm going to go dance like a robot and then watch some orgy porn. Laters, Taters.

1994 Super Skunk,
1992 OG Kush,
1970s Afghan Kush

I just smoked about half a joint's worth of Grandpa's Stash. I feel REALLY good right now. The soles of my feet feel chilled, and the sides of my face feel cooled down when I turn my head left and right.

I'm thinking of a country song chorus in my head for a song called "All I want to be is your everything."

Horny? Yes. Drowsy? Yes.

[Then konk. Right out.  This was good, but not incredible.]

Hybrid, Sativa-Dominant (70:30)

This one's a creeper, but I'm feelin pretty fuckin fine right now, fam. That's a lot of Fs right there.

-----------

In retrospect: I tried watching a movie, I think, and fell asleep a little ways in. This was REALLY late at night and I was exhausted anyway, so I'm not blaming the Jack the Ripper yet. I'm giving this a "Yes" but more research will be needed.

--------

Months later, skinny blunt with my #1 girly, late night, thinkin about playin but watchin some comedy on Hulu.

What happened?  We got touchy, a bit, and we cuddled up and laughed a lot.  Maybe more loudly than usual.  But we didn't get especially horny or anything.  It was just plain ol good-time weed. Nothin wrong with that... but also not one that I would bust my ass to find again in the future.

Okay, so this one... I smoked about a quarter of a skinny blunt of this shit. Ohhhhhhh I am sailing. Through outer space. in the cucumber-cool, calmed-down comfort of my own mind.

Fuck! This shit just made me sound like a damn hippie. But I do Feel good. f'real real good.

I'm not caring as much about puncuation when I'm high, fam. You know what else I'm not caring as much about? TWO things. MY BULLSHIT and YOUR BULLSHIT. I give zero point zero fucks about either.

This is good shit. Oh my God.

I just thought, "Wait, should I have capitalized that "God?" Is it a rule that if you say or write it with a capital "G," it goes through to him, but if you use a lowercase "G," it doesn't get sent?

Then I really thought about: "Wait, how do you say it in lowercase?"

I am now high enough that I have to consider which of the keys, enter or spacebar, will move me vertically down this post as I finish paragraphs.

It's the "enter" key. Heh.

I just looked up info about the super bowl poster in "Poltergeist." Ever heard about that shit? If you haven't, you should look that shit up, homies! It's fucking CRAZY.

Mazar I Sharif,
Sensi Star

-or-

Mazar I Sharif,
Afghani

-or

Chocolope,
Kosher Kush

I'd heard from a budtender that Chocolate Kush was the best indica in the house and that in her experience, it was more relaxing than just sleep-inducing.

So, I bought it this evening and I just smoked some about fifteen minutes ago.  Some of the freshest weed I'd smoked in a while.

I felt a fun, internal little fluttering up above my eyelids, just for a few moments. Now, I'm chatting online but I'm finding it harder and harder to stay coherent as I'm replying. I'm getting more and more interested in eating a small batch of Hershey's Kisses I have before me.

BIG munchies with this one. Damn.

Okay... update. I've felt a little drowsy but I'm still awake, and it's about an hour and a half later. Shit. I'm likin this one, fam.

Animal Cookies,
Gorilla Glue #4

So I'd heard a lot of shit about how awesome this Zookies was. I am about ten minutes past smoking a couple of RIGHTEOUS bong hits.

My mouth tastes like the 70s and I definitely have some drymouth. My heartbeat is hitting harder. My thoughts are piling up like vehicles in a.... pileup. The thoughts are fighting for the top spot of my attention.

My thoughts are blipping all over the place, back and forth, up and down through time. I like it when porn stars smile at each other.

I just thought about what a shame it was that so many songs were not being released on vinyl, because now all we're buying are ones and zeroes.

OG Kush,
South African Sativa

-or-

OG Kush,
Diablo

-or-

Grapefruit,
Blueberry,
South African Sativa

So, this is a weird one. I found it for $5 a gram (no shit!!) and decided to buy a couple, mainly because I liked the name.

However, here's what's trippy: Is it a sativa or indica, and what's the parentage? I've seen listings of 80% indica and 65% sativa and 70% sativa and three different versions of its possible parentage.

So, when buying my 5-buck Diablo OG, I honestly didn't know which variety I was gettin.

----

Just smoked my first half-joint of Diablo OG about ten min ago. Or was it 20? or 50? Fuck. I feel reallllly good.  So, I brought my phone and some snacks back here to my desk, and on the way to the desk there was a stack of CDs I had on the floor.  I told myself, DO NOT trip over those. And imediately after, I tripped over them. Just a little. I'm okay.

I feel so floaty and brain is trippin. Like I've got three or four extra pistons running, but I'm still kind of dumb. After I got back to my desk, I realized I had forgotten a bowl for my snacks, but also I had forgotten my phone in the kitchen. I went back to the kitchen, didn't see my phone, decided it was at my desk. I came back to the desk to find the phone sitting on my desk, directly in front of me. Once I sat back down, I realized that I'd forgotten to grab a bowl in the kitchen. Oh well.

At least three or four times since smoking this Diablo OG, I started typing more on this review... on the wrong keyboard, my little bluetooth keyboard I use with my phone.

Also.. this shit is cranking my horniness level WAY up.And I'm feeling like I'm in a pretty good mood.

So it's a little after 2 AM, I've been depressed about some shit I don't wanna go into, and I just took 3-4 GOOD hits from a skinny blunt of Snow White about... what? 5 minutes ago? 35 minutes? Half a fuckin day? It's blurring together now.

So, I first bought this, from a reputable dispenesry, like, 2-3 days ago. Once I got it home, I noticed it was a lot denser and crumblier than I'd expected. Still smelled good.

My brain is composing new melodies, mainly orchestral like movie soundtracks. I'm feeling very creative. I just envisioned what my first kid would look like when he got into his 20s or 30s.

You know what's rough? Leaning back to sneeze while you have peanut butter M&Ms in your mouth. I suppose the same could be said about any variety of M&M. I'm sorry, peanut butter. Didn't mean to pick on you peronally. You're still my favorite. As I wrote those last few sentences, I heard them in my head in the voice of Mitch Hedberg. HA

I am capable of unspeakable cruelty, but performed in subtle and very meticulous ways.

I just had to take a few moments to ponder if the oddly-spherical M&M in this bag, upon chewing it, was really a peanut butter one... or full of chocolate... or a mint M&M.  I just know these taste awesome.

Do they even make mint M&M's? If they don't, they should. I bet they'd sell like crazy.

I almost said "sell like hotcakes," but what would that even mean?

Hotcakes should not be confused with cot cakes, which are very small cakes which are given to you for free with the purchase of a new cot.

I feel like I would be FUCKIN HILARIOUS on video right now. But I'm so glad I'm not on fuckin video right now. I'd be hilariously embarrassing. Hilariembarrassing.

I just thought about the me of tonight telling the me of the future, "Well, I'm finishing off this bag of M&Ms, and you won't get any, you LOSER.

Then I thought, "Dear me of the past - Fuck you too, pal."

I might have self-esteem issues.

Thoughts are racing too quickly to type full sentences and still know what I'm talking about by the end of those sentences.

It's like my mind is shorting out. I'm thinking about the differences between playground, ground zero, and ground beef. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you... BEEF!!

That was a beeftastic classic movie reference.

I'm now laying waste to some cheese popcorn. SO fuckin good, fam.

I'm thinkin about some ex-girlfriends and how lucky I am that I didn't end up with them and what was fucked-up about each one of them.

That reminds me: You should never get into a relationship with someone just so that your friends will be impressed that you're in a relationship.

Feels like I've been sitting here about four hours. It's not even 3 AM yet.

It's Saturday, I'm not in a park, and it's definitely not the 4th of July.

I was just sitting here thinking about how much I love chocolate when I had a dreamlike vision of the legendary Charles Bronson telling me, "You're a cheap pawn."

I just thought to myself, "Have you said anything REALLY embarrassing and stupid at work lately?"

Hybrid, Indica-Dominant (Ratio Unknown)

Okay, this is one of those cases where I think a dispensary just decided to take some weird off-beat hybrid they'd concocted and slap a new name on it. I don't know the parentage or the percentage, but I do know it's supposed to be indica-dominant.bubb

[a bit later]

Ohhhhh my godddd this is a blessing. My brain is cooling down, right now, after two (okay, maybe three) decent bong hits of So Grateful. My field of vision is rippling.

I'm dancin in my chair, fam, and there's not even any music playing.

And now I am SO fucking horny. Like crazyballs horny, fam.

---

After that, I became so high that writing was no longer my concern.  This was good - really good.

I'd heard that this was really good arousal weed, so I decided to give it a try.  I already had LOTS of "purple" strains, but I was willing to get this one. FOR SCIENCE, fam.

So I smoked about half a joint of this here Purple Apricot about ten minutes ago.I'm able to focus better than I can with a lot of strains, but I am definitely high right now. Oh yes. I feel GOOD but I am not crazy right now.  My brain is cooling like it does with some other strains. This is good, good shit.

I want to sleep (it's almost 1 AM here), I want to fuck, and I want to play a video game. I'm probably going with option 3 since it's the most attainable. Okay, sleep, too. But gaming first. Just a bit.

========

Also worth noting: Originally I put Purple Apricot into the site as a 75:25 indica. About a year and a half later, I looked this shit up online and found one site saying 75:25, one or two sites saying sativa-dominant, and almost EVERY other site with a percentage showing 90:10 indica. Why can't these dopes make up their mind? Okay, I'm changing the ratio here to 90:10 indica, but as with everything else, I could be wrong.

I just smoked a little over half of a skinny-ass blunt I'd wrapped in a Dutch Cream wrap, and it tasted and smelled really good (possibly due to the Dutch Cream wrap).  Munchies are fierce but I was ready for 'em with some fairly healthy snacks.

I am SO fuckin laid back right now, fam. Like... really laid back. I just annihilated a banana. I love bananas. I'd rather have Oreos dipped in peanut butter, but this banana's been pretty fuckin good too.

I'm missing some old homies tonight. We live in an amazing world with so many possibilities, so why do I gotta miss OLD homies? I can find new ones.

It's late. It's almost always late when I write these. I don't sleep well.

I feel good. Like someone took my brain out, then poured some type of industrial coolant into my skull, and then put my brain back in. My mind is literally chillin' right now. Feeling seriously cool. I feel cool.

I'm eating some nuts now. You know what kind? Deez nuts. Actually, pistachios.

-----

After that, I watched some horror shit on Netflix (which, funny enough, had a couple of people eating pistachios), fell asleep at my desk, then went to bed after a while. I can say that getting up and walking after my desk nap was CRAZY hard at first - especially the walking part.

Lemon Skunk,
Purple Kush,
Unknown Third Strain

I'd wanted to try Pink Lemonade for maybe two years before finally buying some. I just kept putting it off to buy other strains.

I'm now about 5-10 minutes after smoking most of a skinny blunt. I feel relaxed and cool - like, literally my skin feels cool. My head feels cool.

======

Okay, in retrospect now:  That shit felt NICE. So, so delightfully chill. Probably good for sex or socializing. I actually felt "cool" temperaturewise but also I felt "cool" like a confident, cool dude. I didn't feel intensely horny, but I felt like if I did have sex, it would be remarkable. This was gooood shit, fam.

Apparently, this was something that a regional grower came up with, not a well-known strain, and I couldn't find any genetic info. But I saw this name and I just HAD to have some. Fuckin' Psychedelic SAMSQUANCH, fam!

-----

First off, sober me here: the unburned buds of this shit smell kind of like... popcorn?!

-----

Finally reviewing this shit. My girly and I shared a skinny blunt of it last night.

Psychedelic Sasqautch is neither psychedelic nor a sasquatch, fam. We both felt a tiny bit of a buzz and basically sat around talking about shit. We tried to play but it just didn't go anywhere. We were a little absent-minded but for the most part we felt like we weren't even high at all. It may be good for painkilling or something. Maybe it has a high CBD ratio but we can't know because it's somebody's fuckin proprietary strain that has no known parenting to it. Really disappointing shit.

I look, like, three and a half hits of this shit about four minutes ago from a little glass pipe.  I'm already feeling kinda dizzy and floaty and cool.

Okay, so this is some of the freshest shit I've smoked in a while. Not like in a "funky fresh dope 80s rapper" kind of way, but more like a "This shit hasn't been sitting around in a jar for fourteen moths" kind of way.

Oh, and this feels good.  I feel like my cares and concerns and worries are being tightened in a vice until they're all squooshed, flattened, dulled.

I just pulled up a browser to do a web search, then forgot what I was going to search for. When I switched back to my phone, I remembered what it was. Then back to the browser. Forgot again. Finally, when switching back to my phone AGAIN, I remembered it again and caught it. I CAUGHT THE THOUGHT.

So this Witches Weed hit my throat pretty hard, especially on my third hit. Aftertaste was quite good, a bit earthy.

----------

Afterward: This was a good strain that made (or at least kept) me horny, loopy, and weird.

Okay, so I had to pick this one up because I like "Trailer Park Boys," and Freedom 35 is a good name. Smoked a little over half of a skinny blunt. Maybe too much, especially considering how fresh this shit is.

Oooooooh this feels awesome. It's like someone took my brain and slowed it down by lightly denting it with a dum-dum hammer.

Wang likes the ladies, and the ladies like Wang.

-----

Next day retrospect:  Not bad! Not AMAZING but really good.

Jack Herer,
Blueberry
(Data Questionable)

-or-

Jack Herer,
X18,
Blueberry
(Data Questionable)

possibly

Blue Cookies,
XJ-13
(Data Also Questionable)

About 10 minutes into this spectacular high, about 2 AM, Wang here. I'm currently eating a snack of Cocoa Pebbles ice cream covered in Cocoa Krispies covered in almond milk (all aboard the Irony Express)!

My snack interests me because it has both Pebbles and Krispies, the Montagues and the Capulets of the cereal realm.

I'm seeing myself in third person with an eletrical shape inside of me (like my soul) that glows with happiness every time I swallow some of this, fam. This is so fucking good and I am so fucking GONE.

Holy fuck this is intense but it's a GOOD intense. Like, FUBAR listworthy but STILL a fuckin good strain!

I'm getting recursive thoughts. Like, I'm thinking about what I was just thinking, which was about what I was just thinking, which was about what I was just thinking...

I just realized that I don't keep chocolate syrup around here as often as I used to. I should.

I bet it must be weird being a friend of a porn actress. Like, you'd have all these other friends, and then you'd have "this one that sucked three dicks at a time in that one video."

I mean in rapid succession. Not all three dicks in her mouth at the same time. More like being the center wheel of a human fidget spinner.

I currently feel like I'm in a larger metal wheel, rolling down a hill through a field of thoughts and smashing into the orphanage of fucked-up-icity.

Next thing, the media's gonna report on Dr. Wang approving of having orphanages smashed into, or wanting to demolish orphanages or pay someone to drop bombs on orphanages or whatever. Orphanages are important because otherwise where are we going to keep all of the orphans?

In my head my brain is manufacturing a custom funk-hip-hop-fusion remix of the "Felix the Cat" theme song.

"Your heart will go pitter-pat." If you know that theme song, then don't forget to get your colon checked for cancer, because congratulations, you're old.

Would it be possible to sue Dr. Johnny Fever for using the term "Dr." even though he wasn't a doctor?  Wait - WAS he an actual doctor as well as a DJ? If he was, then what was his doctorate in?

This is a work of partial satire. The opinions bout the weed are TRUE, fam. The presentation is the satire part. I'm a satire of a lot of the weed reviewers on YouTube, kind of.

That sentence had a lot of mentions of "satire," which sounds like "flat tire," kind of.  Also, three may or may not qualify as "a lot."

My brain told me that I shouldn't eat a piece of hard candy while trying to type, because the candy would get in the way typing like it would get in the way if I were talking. And I can talk with a piece of candy in my mouth. I'm not a dumbass.

I keep repeating the following to myself in my head: "I'm so meta" and "Hello! This is happening to you."

Repeating those two phrases. over and over and over, in my head.  Like a whirlpool of dumminess just swooshed around my head like God had just flushed me.

Okay, this just got even more intense. I can see celebrities and other people in my head, with their pictures being reprinted over the same picture repeatedly, just a little off to make a "trail" of how many copies there were. And this whole thing would be rushing through a tube through the veil of space.

That looks pretty fuckin profound. "Through the veil of space." Fuck yeah.

I'm like an ancient Egyptians trying to set up the psychic call to see their dead family. WOW I just read that sentence and you know what?  I AM HIGH! FUCKING HIGH!

I'm now thinking about how Pedro Pascal is a pretty handsome guy but if I told a female friend that SHE looked like Pedro Pascal, she probably wouldn't think I was saying she was attractive. Especially if I pointed out that the similarity was mainly in their respective mustaches.

--------

Retrospect: And then I passed the fuck out.  Probably for the best. Holy cow, that was fun, but I was WAAASTED homies.

It's also worth noting: I thought I packed this joint with as much as I usually would, but it was having a hard time staying lit! It's probably not the strain's fault, but just throwing that out there anyways.

I took a good few hits from a bowl just about 10 minutes or so ago. Things I've done forgotten since then:

1. Where I put my main pair of glasses.
2. Where I put my phone.
3. To flush the toilet.
4. That I put my phone on the holder in the living room after getting it that firt time.
5. That the name of this strain was "Divine Storm" and not "Divine Watch."

Oh SHIT!  This not a weed to smoke before operating heavy machinery or doing heart surgery. I am CLUMSY. I'm glad I'm not doing some heavy heart surgery right now. I'm just sittin down eliminating Oreos and startin up some "Always Sunny."

So I figured out a little bit ago why so many rappers smoke weed. It was only while high that I finally figured out that "clumsy" rhymes with cum.. see?

Whoa, fam. This shit is seriously over a year and a half old, and I took a few GOOD hits off of not a lot of weed. This is still such good shit. I need my #1 cutie here, damn.

I feel high enough to properly appreciate reggae music, but currently my heart belongs to Philadelphia.

Faaaaaam I got a quiestion. How is it that when I write the words "Pew! Pew!," your brain already knows how to pronounce it AND that it should be coming from a kind of old timey ray gun?

Things don't make a lot of sense right now because I am a silly silly boy. Beep boop.

Okay, Tme is so very ver very different now. Want to pet the dog through the computer sreeen? No no no no no... but if I tell you where there's  an oder dude, the high dude who wants to hire someone to redo the exciting time tht I had wen I was younger.

Did you kw that the kazoo if you're high enough is onw of the best measurements of highnees

I NEED MORE MILK

FAM this milk makes me think of something I should have told one of my ex-girlfriends. "Thanks for the TITS, you fuckin COW!"

Yo, how much milk do I have to drink before my system rejects the lactose and I end up barfin all over myself? Asking for a friend.

------

Next morning afterthoughts. I didn't barf. I ended up passing out after multiple tries to finish that one episode of "Always Sunny." Shit.

That.. oh, damn, that was good. Not the most wild ride I ever had, but that was fun! Would have been fun for socializing or maybe sexytime but I'm not so sure about that last part. Fuck, homies. #1 Girly Girl gonna need to experience this shit.

Just smoked another damn late-night skinny blunt, this time of Terple #17.

Just sat down with a milkshake and I'm feelin stone-cold and smooved-out.

I just watched a couple of videos about a Radiohead song. Okay. so not all of the videos. Just parts of em.

I don't feel really high high high. A little creative and a little funny.

Dark Angel. Late night. Skinny blunt.

So here's what's up. First thing I did while smoking was send messages to my shorty about fucking, because I like hearing about how great I am at it.

Then, I made one of the most epic milkshakes of my non-professional milkshake making career.

Now I'm watching some shit on YouTube even though I specifically was going to watch something more substantial like a movie or something online.

I don't feel really high. I do feel like I could got for a fuck and I could also focus on fucking. So this could be good sex weed. Maybe.?

X18 Pure Pakistani,
LA Confidential

-or-

Purple Diesel,
Uzbekistani Hash Plant,
Pure Kush

I'm writing this while sober, the morning after smoking some Pure Love before a BANGIN sex session.

Not sure which version of this shit I got (which parentage), but holy shit, fam, this was good ssex weed.

Both of us agreed that we could still focus on things and we were able to have good communication, but our feelings of touch were enhanced and we both definitely felt "high" in a wonderfully horny way

---

#1 Girly and I smoked another skinny blunt of this shit months and months after that first experience, and it was STILL fuckin amazing. We smoked up, had some pizza and cheezy tots, watched a concert viddeo , and eventually ended up going at it like two horny college kids This shit already had "Fuck Yeah!" status but now it's even more so. I only wish that I knew which variant of Pure Love we got so that I could track down more of it.

I took two big-ass hits from a pipe of this shit, and five minutes later I'm sitting down but I feel like my arms and head are floating in water like if I were standing on the floor of a swimming pool. Except I'm not drowning, fam. My head is swimmmming.

Ninja Fruit makes me feel like dancing. Like, I seriously feel like a lot of weight has been lifted from me. I feel like a freeeeee Waaaaaaaang.

In my head I'm heading the theme song to that old video game "Mr. Do!," except it's a downbeat hip-hop remix with a whole new bassline. Still boppin around in my chair right now.

Heading off to get some ice cream

I don't feel completely GONE right now but I'm definitely high. Mr. Floaty! That's me. But not like a piece of poop. Floatin like Michael McDonald's voice. That dude was a PIMP, yo. I bet he and his kickass beard just lived in a 24/7 POON WATERFALL for years.

I'm feeling GOOD, fam. Like SHIT this some fine-ass weed. I just felt like doing some SERIOUS white-guy dancing to J. Geil's Band "Centerfold."

I feel, like, charmingly immature now.

This weed was dark. Like some of the darkest weed I've ever seen. And I'm feeling good. Snacky time

120.2

Late late night, skinny blunt. I feel like someone took my troubles and just turned the volume down. I'm not caring about SHIT right now.

If weed is medicine, then this strain will heal your appetite. Holy FUHHHH these snacky foods taste so good. I'm high, but I'm able to hold a conversation with a friend online without him knowing that I'm high.

I think I know where I hid a Whatchamacallit bar... but do I really want to get up and find it?  Not really. Shit.

When I open a bag of Sour Patch Kids, they should have a chip thingie inside to make a screaming noise, as the Sour Patch Kids cower in fear and prepare to be eaten.

---------

In retrospect: Fun strain, but the advanced munchies might not have made it worth it. Still Wang-approved.

Thoughts racing. Time bending. I'm trying to type all my feelings but the feelings come and go too fast. Minor motions of my head turned into "moving it a few feet forward and few feet back."

I'm so high right now.

So hi righ nigh.

I'm about five steps ahead of myself between thinking and typing.

Trying to catch up with myself from just a few moments before.  That guy.

Do not put this guy on an industrial combine or some equivalent large farming machinery. The evil debbil's lettuce might make me run that sumbitch over an orphanage or something.

I may or may not have the voice of an unknown Italian man in my head right now. Just offering me hints and directions. While I mull over how crazy that shit just sounded.

I'm eating milk chocolate with sea salt and caramel chunks embedded.  Smacking my tongue as I open my mouth repeatedly. I mean, I'm making smacking noises as I chew. or when i want more noise.

Whoaaaaa what a --

[And then, I passed the fuck out.  But WOW what a high. SO intense - and I had this shit for well over a year and a half before reviewing it!]

All right. As I write this, it's the first one of these I've done in a long time. Like, a longlong time.

Ya boy Wang is a few minutes in after smoking some Apple Fritter in a little spoon pipe. I'm not sure if I'm imnagining this high, because I'm kinda feeling high and kinda not feeling high, you know?

I am launching into some Sour Patch Kids and HOLY BALL$ BATMAN this shit is choice. I kinda feel a chill through my fair follicles in the back of my head. Eating these fuckin SP kids, with THIS high... fuck, fam. I think I'm in love with the world right now.

----------

(Next morning) ...and then I fell the fuck asleep.

I don't know if this or Sex Panther was the best fuck weed I'd had in a long while.  I tried them both over the last couple of weeks. On Sex Panther, my boo and I were really sensitive and cuddly and "connected" but the sex was amazing too.

On Jack Frost, we both wanted to fuck and we wanted to fuck HARD. This was marathon sex weed. This was lose-track-of-time, changing-positions-like-crazy, do-everything-you-can-to-make-each-other-feel-good weed.

For her, it was the best sex she'd ever had, with anyone, ever, period, not only because of Jack Frost but also because ya boy Wang's got madskillz. For me, it was the best sex since the Sex Panther night... and that was the best sex I'd had in a long, long, long-ass time.

So, the Jack Frost? HELLZ yeah I recommend.

Another late-night skinny blunt. I was chatting with my boo when I smoked it. Here are the highlights of my commentary:

"I'm not even halfway through this and I feel calmer."

"This strain feels like childhood and Christmas and lazy dayslying on my back in front of the air conditioner vent."

"This strain reminds me that life doesn't suck as badly as I sometimes think it does."

"I just had that light, bouncy feeling of walking while stoned."

"My skin feels kind of lotiony. Like, suntan lotion, not 'in the basket.'"

"I just had some raspberry lemonade flavored water and it tasted like when I have that first sip of liquid after really good sex."

"Wait... do you have a dick? I never noticed one. SHIT. No wonder you wanted doggy style all the time."

"I wonder if there are hookers in the world who get paid to extra to laugh at their clients' jokes."

(Silly inside joke) "was one of the best laughs you ever gave me. Loud and voluminous and other synonyms of loud."

"I'm going to start coming up with marketing slogans for bad/horrible things. Here's one for Alzheimer's.

'Alzheimers: It's not so bad if you've had a shitty life.'"

Okay, not gonna candy coat this shit. Yes, Sex Panther has a stupid name taken from "the Anchorman."

It's also maybe the best damn sex weed I've had so far, fam. Shit you not. HOLY BALLS.

I won't give all the gory details, but I went longer than I'd gone in maybe fifteen years. At one point, it was almost like I wanted to meld with the cutie and become one person. I just stared into her eyes and we both felt fuckin beautiful.

Horny, arousing, pleasurable, FUCKING FANTASTIC fuck weed.

=======================

Maybe two years later:

Recently fucked on Sex Panther for the first time after a bad breakup. Taht was pretty good.

Purple Punch,
Rainbow

-or-

Purple Punch,
Zkittlezwood

About 5 minutes after a late-night skinny blunt of this shit.

-------

In retrospect - I liked the feeling and I put "Yes" there. But I don't remember much about it other than feeling a little chilled, a little horny, and a LOT sleepy. (I was super-tired tho). I passed out at my desk and woke up in time to get ready for work.

----

I stumbled onto this one at a dispensary and knew that I needed to buy it by name alone. Ha!

So, I may have smoked a lil of the Bazinga and just didn't review it. I know that I didn't have much of it. I just rolled my last remaining Bazinga into a skinny blunt (so now I got it labeled as being no longer in my stash) and I will smoke it soon and give you an official review. Okay? Cool.

===

And here's that official Wang review, yo. It's been a while since I wrote that above, and ya boy Wang has some personal problems goin on as I type this up. I just smoked a skinny blunt of this shit outside under a warm night sky, and it made me feel okay for a minute.

#1 Cutie wasnt so #1. She was lying to me and broke things off a while back. I havent written a review for a while.

Tonight... Bazinga. It's a funny name. Yes, I know it's from Big Bang Theory.

So, if I had been in a better frame of mind, I probably would have fuckin LOVED this shit, fam. But as is, I could feel it lift me up. like, I got high and also superrelaxed. This would be great with a date. And some good music. And a few condoms.

I felt relaxed. And then kinda horny. And then REALLY horny. And then back to kinda horny. And lonely.

It's about fifteen minutes later and I'm feeling chilled out, and this would probably be good sex weed. Not sure if I'll buy this shit again, but if I do, I'll try it as sex weed.

So... I *think* we smoked some of this when I first got it, but I was hangin out in the bedroom with my #1 Girly Girl and one of our mutual friends, and I was too busy thinkin about being in bed with two women at once to really pay attention to thinkin about the effects. Or maybe it wasn't that strain at all. It was a while back, fam. Shit.

So, I recently took the last bit of Thunderfuck Diesel and shoved it into a skinny blunt but I haven't smoked it yet. Which means it's not "in my stash" anymore but I haven't given it an official Wang review. But I will.

====

Okay, so first, I just want to say that the name of this strain is gross as fuck. I avoided it for that particular reason, because who the hell wants to smoke something called "Grandpa's Breath?"

But I got semi-persuaded to try it... and with Granddaddy Purple as a parent, it could kick some serious ass.  So, I bought a little, tiny bit of it - enough for one joint and one skinny blunt.

-

Okay, now I've smoked it. Late-night joint in milk chocolate flavored paper because I am one smoove mofo. Eatin' myself a Lil Debbie cherry pie like it ain't no thang.

I'm watching some YouTube videos and I feel like someone turned my intelligence down but I can still pay attention. When I was in the kitchen I put the lid on the blender to blend myself a malt... and I then walked over to the water dispenser on the fridge instead of putting the blender on the blender base thingie. Whoops.

--------

Next day, in retrospect: Good, not great. I felt nice, and a bit dumb, and then a bit asleep. Passed out for about six and a half hours.

Hybrid, Indica-Dominant
(80:20)

So, this one I recently got for hella cheap and I tried it on a night when I was all alone watching some porno.

Two big spoon pipe hits later, I was still feeling normal. I gave it some time. Nope. A little fuzzy but that's it.

Waited a few min. Two more hits. Thoughts started layering a bit and I felt like I was daydreaming but still cognizent of shit around me.

And then... poof. Passed out without even fully enjoying the movie.

Not sure I dug this. It wasn't intense at all, which is both a plus and minus.

Blueberry,
Girl Scout Cookies

-or-

F1Durb,
Florida OG

131.1

So my #1 Girly girl left me a while back.

So, it's late at night and I'm up late textin with someone. These reviews get written in a random order, but this is my first review since #1 Girly girl dumped me. Long story but I got myself a broken heart and I'm healin it the best I can.

I just smoked most of a skinny blunt of this shit. Yum. I am definitely feelin this shit! WHOA. It's like I'm going more chill but my thoughts are kind of picking up speed. My give-a-fuck-o-meter has been turned way down. WAY down

Time to lay waste to a small village worth of Sour Patch kids. With the size of these Sour Patch Kids I feel like Godzilla Wang (They call me Wangzilla, fam) and I'm just chowing down on their brightly-multicolored asses. Well, not just the asses. That'd be weird.

Buncha assless Sour Patch Kids dotting the Sour Patch landscape. Yeah. Weird.

I'm mowing these down like a bunch of little sour sugar-covered Younglings in the fuckin Sour Patch Jedi Academy.

Black Cherry Soda,
Super Silver Haze,
Cheese

Awwwwww yeah.  I was horny when I got up to smoke my skinny blunt, then sat back down and decided I was more snacky than horny. I was also chattin' with my girly on the text kik chat thingie and I told her:

"I can feel the high creeping in through my skull like the roots of a big tree breaking through concrete."

I'm eating Oreos and wondering who named them that and why. In alternate dimensions they probably have Oreos but they are called vastly different things there.

Oh. Looks like a dude named Sam Porcello and also IM HORNY AGAIN

If someone ever did a porno parody of 80s mall singer Tiffany, I would desperately hope that it would be called "I Think There's a Bone Now."

-------

Trying it again, months later. I smoked a skinny blunt and started watching some American Horror Story. If I ever directed a porno parody of it, I'd call it "American Whore Story."Cmon. It's just so OBVIOUS.

I feel lightly toasted and chilled at the same time, crispy on the outside of my brain and chewy on the inside.

MmmMmmm. delicious brain.

My personal review of this shit is still pending. My girly-girl tried it, tho, and said it was a badass mindblender. (Not her exact words). She loved it but said it was VERY euphoric. I look forward to trying the batch that I got.

--------

And now I'm back several weeks later after FINALLY trryin' me a skinny blunt of the Pink Panther.

Holy fuck I am SOhigh

So I want to share this recipe for happiness:

- Get yourself some chocolate ice cream.

- Put some of it, not all of it, into a bowl.  Like enough for a serving, maybe a little less.

- Cover that in malted milk powder

- Mash that shit down in the bowl with a spoon and mix the hell out of it

-Set it on a table while you go garage and get hiiiiiiiiigh. I suggest on this fuckin Pink Panther. Maybe while listening to some henry Mancini.

- Get back in, realize that your chocolate ice cream is now melted

- Dump some butter pecan ice cream into the middle of that shit

- Eat it up, fam!

So yeah, that's awesomeness. And so is this weed. I feel higher than Jesus' left nut right now, homies.

I'm definitely floating right now. Holy shit. I feel light and hopefully funny.

People don't talk about butter pecan. It's underappreciated, and it feels bitter about it. If butter pecan became sentient, it would be PISSED.

But really, who buys butter pecan? It seems like an old person ice cream flavor, kind of like the Werthers Originals candy, except that the candy, of course, is not ice cream.

------

Next day retrospective: Holy fuck that was good. I bet sex would ROCK on that shit. One way to find out...

Unknown/Undisclosed indica strains

(possibly Burma,
Afghanistan Kush)

Okay, Super-late-night skinny blunt. Holy fuck. Smoked some. Chatted with my girly online. Watched some "Archer" and then switched to a documentary about living in a simulation. This shit's deep, fam.

I told her, "I can feel my thoughts getting smoother" and "I feel like slow kissing and slow fucking."

-----

Soon after that, my brain slowly slid to a stop and I passed out at my desk while chatting and working on this review.

I can say that it boosted my arousal, and we will be trying this as sex weed soon.

#1 Girly Girl and I smoked some of this shit before gettin down to bizness. We had a really good body high and then both just passed out. However, it was late at night after we both had really busy days, so shit - we gonna have to try this one again to be fair.

YESSSSSS! After years of looking for it, I finally found the legendary Sexxpot.  According to what I've read, it was specifically grown to enhance arousal.  I'm looking forward to trying this one!!

This is my third pure indica, following Pakistani Chitral Kush and Fucking Incredible. This one was bred specificaly for arousal and is known on multiple sites as "Female Viagra."

-----

Survey says: DAAAMN!  This was not my favorite sex strain, but it certainly did do the job of getting me and my girlie BOTH hornier and ready to go, and once we were going at it, we felt more like our energies were merging and other hippie horseshit. Considering how effective it was and how rare it is, both she and I agreed that I need to stock up on this AWESOME shit, fam!

-----

Comin back in 2023 here to let you know that we tried it again and it's STILL FUCKIN AWESOME.

So... this shit was gifted to me as a peace offering a few months after a dispensary's drunk-ass employee pissed me off and I decided to boycott the place. A kind gesture, tho, and I'm thankful.

I smoked a small joint of this before bed one night. It was a'ight. Nothin amazing, a little high without getting loopy or euphoric. I may need a bigger dose so I'll try again in the future.

Time for another late night solo skinny blunt. It was nice enough outside to smoke this shit, and I took my time in the 63% rainy air and enjoyed it.

I was horny enough to come in and watch some porn (still might) but I thought about it for a few and figured it would be a lot more interesting to watch creepy videos captured from people's doorbell security cameras. I watched this around 1:30-2:00 AM. Now I'm not asleep. It's 2:33.

I feel like I'm conscious enough to have a pretty kickass conversation right about now.

Got me some crackers right here but now Dr. Wang's in need of somc cheeeeeeese.

Ah. Back. Done.

Man.. why does pot sometimes make my body shift opinions to think that a snacky-snack would be better than jerkin it?

I wonder how much fun it would be to go through an entire day starting EVERY sentence with "And I'll have YOU know that..." whatever. That would be fuckin hilarious.

Man, my girlfriend's not here tonight. I miss her. I don't just mean I miss fuckin her - I mean I genuinely miss having her here being all warm in my arms and shit.

Thats some true love there, homies.

I'm not sure what to do. I want to whack it, but I also want to sit here and write, but I also want to watch informative shit online, but I also want to sit here daancing in my chair like a DAMN FOOL to some latin music thats not even playin.

Now watching a girl girl video that reminds me a lot of my girly and the girly that my girly wants to be her girly. Not crankin my hog right now.

I bet that nobody has ever done a trip-hop remix of the "Full House" theme song. RIP Bob Saget. You were a funny motherfucker.

Hybrid, Indica-Dominant (Ratio Unknown)

137.1

Just sparked up a bowl of Purple Ice Water before doing some household shit. I'm telling you, fam, this shit gets confusing - is this an indica or sativa? Most places online say it's an indica, with ONE fuckin page saying it's sativa. BUT - that page also has a lot more informationa bout this shit that makes me think they might know what they're talkin about. Fuck.

Whatever it is, I can tell you that ya boy Wang's feelin a little floaty and a little horny, and that's just as this fuckin high is settlin in, you know?

Okay - a little further into this high. I can still think thoughts but it's like they're feeling "rounder" as they form in my head. Like curvier and fluffier sentences of thought structure. Curvy and fluffy, like I like some of my girlies. Ha.

Definitely ramping up on the horniness about a half hour in. Damn. This is not bad stuff. Wish #1 Cutie were here.

...About two hours plus later, after an impromptu name, I'm feeling chilled and a little... you know what? if I ever own a porn site, I should call it MeSoPorny.com.

Chocolate Thai,
Sour Diesel

-or-

Chocolate Trip (Katsu's Cut),
Sour Diesel

HOLY FUCKBOMBS ON THE BEACH OF HAPPINESS*, this was good. Kind of... too good. I'll explain.

My girly and I smoked a skinny blunt of this shit before gettin it on one night. I'd read MASSIVE fuckin reviews of it including one from a dude who said his girl had started speaking a whole other language that he didn't know she knew after she smoked it.

We then proceeded to mess around. O holy God if you can imagine this, we got goin and just couldn't stop for a long time. Like, position-switchin', passionate, crazy for each other, tearin' at each other, mad fuckin sex. Skin felt extra good. Mentally, all fucks and cares and responsibilities went out the fuckin window.

The reason I say it was too good is that we basically got on board a euphoria rocket and it went too far up into the euphoria stratosphere and a LOT of that great sex isn't even in my memory banks anymore, homies. Like, I know we went at it for a while. A long while. I couldn't remember the details of everything we did the next morning.It was like enjoying a painting but then people start shooting flash bulbs in your direction. Blinding white fuckin feelings, fam.

Maybe we smoked too much. Maybe it was just too good. Maybe both. I'll get more, but it's tough to find. If I can't find more for a long while, then I'm not going to fret about it.

Bang zoom to the moon Alice good shit wow.

*(Yeah, fam, I know - if you're bombing the beach of happiness, is that really a good thing? Prob not. But I'll still keep the term up there. It's funny.)

Yes

Also this shit made me typografically chatty as hell.

So I just completed a big shit thing for my job (you think the Wangman just sits around smokin weed all day? I fuckin wish) and I decided to celebrate at home with a few choice hits of this here Chile Verde.

So... fuck. My thoughts are like ALL over the place right now and speeding up.

Right after hitting the bong hits, I went to the kitchen and got myself some ice cream. And THEN while I was scoopin that shit, I'm thinking, "I could let them know that during this time of our lives, Russia was at war with the Ukraine."

And then for some reason I thought about Tattoo from the original-recipe "Fantasy Island." If that show were still around, Mr. Roarke could ask Tattoo what side of the war he supported, and then Tattoo could yell, "U-KRAAAAINE! U-KRAAAAAINE!"

The whole thing led to a stream of thought that made me laugh like a fool in my kitchen.

Then, when I walked to sit down and type this, I noticed that some of my steps were accidentally like strutting. Like... remember that OLD bvideo game JOUST? Dude, you remember how the birds in joust would walk? That's how I just walked over here to sit down and type to you people at home while I eat me some ice cream.

This shit made my steps floaty and my memory choppy. And I thought, "Am I horny? Only kind of." And I didn't have anyone to play with. So I kind of felt... mentally horny. Sad but true.

so... that mental horniness is growing a bit as I type this, but it's not a bright horniness. It's not like a bright orange and fuschia sky-lookin horniness; it's a dull, dim horniness. Like, it's there. But it's not THEEEEEEEERRRRRRRE.

So I had something on my phone that made me think at first, "That is a good looking steak," and then I realized it was like a picture of some driftwood and maybe some soil in the middle.

Why does driftwood and soil make me think of "Black" by Pearl Jam?

Them there bong hits were pretty righteous bong hits, fam. Like, big-ass hits. fuck.

This ice cream just didn't cut it. Taste good, but I didn't get myself enough of it. So I'm chasing that shit with a big-ass Snickers Peanut Brownie Bar. Holy shit I might just be in Heaven right now. Like, life feels good.

Am I rocking in my chair? NO. Just getting settled in by some wobbly-ass weed.

You know who I could go for right about now? Aubrey fuckin Plaza. After typing that, I went to the Web to type in "Aubrey Plaza" so I could make sure I spelled it right. But as I was typing in the search, I realized, "I KNOW how to spell Aubrey Plaza. I'm just trickin myself into googlin "Aubrey Plaza" so I could see some fuckin pictures of Aubrey Plaza. DAAAAAAMN see, fam? Mentally. Horny.

Seriously, tho, those eyes. Those EYES! She got her eyeshadow game on POINT. If Aubrey Plaza was my fuckin honeybunch, I would let her give me the side eye all day. I'd do stupid shit that was so stupid it would MAKE her give me the side-eye. And she's clever. And funny. And maybe a little crazy, but that's just a guess because what do I look like, a DOCTOR?

So... I'm gonne give this here 70/30 indica-dominant Chile Verde about 7.6 stars. It's good. And I can feel it. And just for a moment as I wrote that sentence, just for a tiny moment, I didn't realize which room of the house I was in. I thought that I was one room to the left. of where I was. Am.

Now done with the Snickers peanut brownie bar I now had myself a Jolly Rancher. A cherry one! I could definitely dance a bit right now.

----------

Okay, so I DID pass the fuck out at that point. I woke up a few hours later, realized I was STILL high, went back to sleep for a bit. Over night I had weird dreams that I was some kind of IT genius old-west mercenery for hire who fell in love with the leader of some shack-in-the-desert-based corporation, possibly played in my head by Aubrey Plaza, and then I realized sadly that our love was not to be.

It's tough being a warrior in the digital wasteland, y'all. That shit was wild. Not AMAZING but wild. I look forward to trying it as sex weed.

Side notes: 1. When you're high, four different-colored Sour Patch Kids can feel like a diversity-packed breakfast of champions. 2. "Chattanooga Bastard" would be a kickass outlaw country band name. 3. I'm not sure: am I supposed to like Michael Cera or not? can someone tell me? It's just confusing at this point. Boy looks creepy as fuck with a beard because without it he looks about twelve. 4. You've never seen a place like Showbiz Pizza Place. That is where they'll show you a pizza second to none, and furthermore, you can come for the pizza and stay for the fun.

Okay... so I bought this Lemon Diesel shit way over a year ago, and kept it good in a jar with a Boveda Pack. (They don't pay me to fuckin write that, but their packs are the shit.) Tonight, I rolled up a joint of Lemon Diesel in some watermelon paper, and I smoked almost the whole damn thing myself.

I'm listening to some music on my laptop and marveling at how good the stereo separation is in this laptop. Wowzers. Hey, why don't people say "wowzers" anymore? It's a good word.

Hybrid, Ratio Disputed

Orange Cookies,
Miracle 15,
Cherry Flambé

-or-

Peach OG,
Super Skunk,
Orange Blossom

I decided to start this one up with these words: OH HOLY CRAP, SWEETDAWG! This is definitely a "see the glory of life and God and everything IN everything" strain. Like... I'm eating some microwaved scalloped potatoes, fam, and they taste SO FUCKIN GOOD.

Like, so good that if I was an atheist, these potatoes alone might possibly turn me.

So, yeah, MAD munchies with this one. This would not be a strain spoken highly of by the people at Weight Watchers. I wonder if, decades in the future, Weight Watchers WILL promote certain strains. Like, "Yo, smoke this shit, and you won't be as hungry, yo."

Fuck, I wanna write a love song to these fuckin potatoes, dude. Like... I won't really, but they deserve a song. They're that good.

So, I decided on a spur o-the moment that I should get high tonight. Looooong ago I bought some Ghost OG after a friend of mine recommended it. She said Ghost OG was good shit, and SHE had been good shit in the past, if you know wha'm sayin', and I believed her and got myself some of this shit, but is it good? We 'bout... to find out.

I just smoked about a third of a skinny blunt about five minutes ago. This high is already settling in. Baybeeee. I'm faded!!

What's really good for me, is really unfortunate for the bag full of Sour Patch Kids here at my desk. Aw shit... some of them have been dreaming about gettin spirited away for their little Sour Patch Rapture, and instead they're getting crushed between my mighty fuckin molars. What a rough way to go.

Okay, time to let you in on a little secret. Right now, as I type this, I'm single. I got no girl. #1 cutie up and hit the road. Now, I know two girlies who want to BE my girl, fam. and that shit's wild, yo. They know about each other and errrrything. They haven't met, though I'd probably pay a good $29.95 to watch them go down on each other for a while.

You know, fam, here's something interesting: If I were to go up to two women I didn't know at a club and offer them $100 each to eat each other while I watched, I could get brought up for soliciting fo' prostitution. If I pay two women on a camsite $100 each to do the same thing, I can watch them munch on each other til the cows come home. For reals. And nobody bats an eye. Fuck.

No real-life cows would be involved. Want to make sure we all have an understanding.

Im additon to those two girlies, let me splain: In 2 more nights, I got a friend comin over to get buzzed and maybe fuck before she moves away. she's part HAWAIIIIAN fam. Wouldn't mind givin her vageen a nice Hawaiian Punch. With my dick. We'll see what happens.

I think what I'm trying to tell you is that life AINT TOO BAD RIGHT NOW.

This is a good feelin, fam. Fuckin choice! My skin's got that "chilled" feeling I've felt with other strains. I like the feeling of my facial hair under my fingers. This would be BAAAAAAMB shit for fuckin.

So this is a 70/30 indica/sativa hybrid, and I have to admit, these days, whenever I see a 70/30 ratio represented in the media or in advertisements (in the media) or some shit like that... I kind of smile a little bit because I've smoked some good 70/30 indicas. You got some statistics showing me 70% of people have an itchy foot fungus that doesn't smell and 30% of people have a foot fungus that smells like shit but doesn't itch... I'm still gon' think about weed.

I'm feelin good, fam. Pretty chill adn a little horny.But no women here just at the moment.

"What my Wang needs now... is love sweet love..."

So, here's what up with this shit. #1 Girly Girl and I smoked a skinny blunt of Prayer Pupil before gettin down to business. DAMN good for some serious lovemakin.

But there's a problem. I couldn't remember a lot of it the next day. Like, I know I rocked her fuckin world because Wang-man's got skillz, but I was supertired at the time and the Prayer Pupil didn't help matters much. I got the job done (a few times over) and then once I finished up I promptly passed the hell out and forgot a LOT of what just happened.

This was good, yes. Good body buzz, yes. We both loved it but we've had better.

Pending

Ohhhh fam.  #1 Girly and I tried some of this here shit Face on Fire while watching some Hulu and gettin ready for some play time. It was nice but I'll need to get you more details later.  [And then I didn't... shit...]

Girly Girl and I wanted to have some casuel downtime and play for a bit so we smoked up a skinny blunt of this Granny's Apple Fritter shit. Dude at the dispensery wayyy out of town (we bought this shit on vacation) had talked up a big game about this one so I was expecting something pretty fuckin mindblowing and/or blindmowing.

Was it good? Yeah. Did it enhance the sexytime activities? Yeah. Did my Girly love it? Aw, hell yeah. Did we think it was the out the door phenomenal absolute gorgeous megasuperdupershit? Naw, fam. How I wish it was.

This was good shit. Not GREAT. But good. It got the job done.

It's been a minute since I wrote a review here, fam. Fifteen new strains without reviews, so I got a lot of new fresh weed and a LOT of catchin up to do.

So, #1 girly and I were on a trip and decided to hit up a couple of dispenseries from out of town. I found out that someone had Strawberry Diesel, and after reading the AMAZING reviews, I rerouted our path to hit up a place that had it. From the day before our trip to the time we got back, I had seven new strains to try (and she had two more, not in my list).  Strawberry Diesel was our FIRST choice.

We sparked up a skinny blunt and watched some comedy on Hulu. Half an hour in, we were already a little "gone." Fifteen minutes later we were BLAZED. Like, we could still make sense of shit, but I had the visual looping that I'd had with other intense strains.

We didn't try fucking on this one. She started getting playful but unfortunately I was so tired that I just couldn't do it. After a little bit of play, I ended up cuddling for about a minute or two before we both passed out.

We have no doubt that if we were more well-rested, this one would be BANGIN-ASS sex weed.

#1 girly and I need to stop waiting until so late at night to get high.

-------

Okay. Review #2, homies. Months later. Last year, #1 Girly and I went on a trip and on our way back home we stopped at a place that had this shit I'd never heard of called Strawberry Jones Cookies. And I'm thinkin, CASEY JONES and GIRL SCOUT COOKIES and some STRAWBERRY SHIT?

Ends up, if we want to get technical, Strawberry Jones cookies is a hybrid of Casey Jones and Strawberry Cookies, which is itself a hybrid of Strawberry Fields and Animal Cookies, which is itself a hybrid of Girl Scout Cookies and Fire OG.

And because you fuckers are curious, Strawberry Cookies MIGHT be a cross of Strawberry Banana and Tangie, or Strawberry Cough and an undisclosed indica, depending on where you look.

In any case, #1 Girly Girl and I gave it another spin a couple of nights ago. We each smoked about 1/3 of a skinny blunt of this shit wrapped up in a wrap made of fuckin GOJI BERRY. Can you believe that shit? Technology can be pretty fuckin sweet.

Okay, so we smoked it, watched part of a movie, and I got tired. So tired I missed most of the movie. Then I woke up and we eventually got down to bizness. We went at it with some kinky shit (she a freak) for seriously maybe two hours or so. The bad news: I wore myself out before I "finished." The good news: She "finished" maybe about eight or ten times total. The Wangman's got mad skillz.

So, I'm not sayin "Fuck yeah!" but I'll give the Strawberry Jones Cookies a solid fuckin YES.

OH GOD YES this was potent shit.

So, here's what's up. I was in an area that I usually didn't go and I checked out Weedmaps or Leafly (I seriously forget which) and I found that some place I'd never been had a strain called fuckin ZOMBIE DEATH FUCK.

I knew as soon as I saw it that I NEEDED to get this shit. Sativa? Indica? Fuckin sawdust? I didn't care. I just needed to get it and I needed to smoke it, preferably with #1 girly.

FUUUUCK. A few minutes after smoking a skinny blunt, she and I were fuckin BLAAAAZED. She was having trouble coming up with complete sentences. She said, "I am SO high," and I said, "HOW HIGH are you?" like the old Johnny Carson joke.

Then, in my head, I heard Johnny answering the question with the answer I just made up: "I'm so high that Willie Nelson just told me I should cut back."

Thoughts upon thoughts, loops upon loops. We didn't fuck while on this shit - but we might try that someday. I can tell you that this was awesome CUDDLIN WEED. We snuggled up and felt like nothin in the world mattered.

Oh fam - this was a FUBAR strain, but a good one. Such a good one. Fuck yeah.

So, I'm writing this one the day after smokin some of this here fuckin McLovin. I can't remember if I smoked this before, since I got it over a year ago... but I preserved it well and this was some KICKass weed. I ended up havin a megaintense phone conversation with a special friend of mine, and she was high as fuck too.

I can tell you that things were funnier (I was reading my own strain reviews and we were both laughing our assses off) and she and I both had a lot of fun.

This shit would make really, really good sex weed.

So, I'm about five minutes after smoking a good portion of a skinny blunt, and I am flyyyying.  Like, into hyperspace. I'm chatting on line with #1 cutie and I am feelin pretty damn fine if I do say so myself which I do because who else is gonna be typing on this computer?

I'm chatting with my #1 cutie and god damn this is fine. Like, really fine.

I'm having an internal dialogue about the benefits and drawbacks of Hedonism and thinking that if I were a techno artist I'd be called "Throbmaster 9000" or something like that. Yeah, this shit has me horny. Like fuckin REALLY horny.

"If we can do something, and we want to do something, then we do it. We won't *not* do it." - my expert advice to my #1 cutie about something.

There's definitely some dry-mouth with this one, and the munchies are REAL on this one.

I had roughly half a regular joint's worth of this Strawberry Lemonade shit about 15 minutes ago.

I am already VERY high. I mean, it could have been two hours ago, one hour ago, five minutes ago. Maybe even five minutes into the future.

You ever soak Oreos in milk before you eat 'em? I love doing that, and get this: I can feel the individual sugar crystals in the filling. Fuck, this is awesome. Like the crunchy layer of sugar when the right kind of cake icing dries a little.

I'm in a whorlpool of thought. It took me maybe 4-5 tries to spell "whirlpool," and I still got that shit wrong.

I might be a little TOO full into my head. Like the thoughts are piling up but still being sequenced in order. Just in the wrong time.

Okay, I cannot get over how awesome this icing in the oreos is. It's like crunching through the frozen layer barely coating the snowfall of happiness that's been piling for weeks.

I'm hearing a symphony in my head and I wish that I had a girlfriend or two over right now. shiiiiiiiiit fam this is nice. I'm FUCKED UP but this is nice. Like... this is a FUBAR strain right here.

If people knew the me about me and the truth about who I was... well I guess that would just suck, naw, whouldn't it? Maybe they wouldn't like me. Like maybe I wouldn't be liked by as many people. Like if I caompared how many people liked me before they knew the real me with the numbers after that time, it would be imperical evidence that I was growing less popular.

I am feeling SO stupid right now. Yeah, FUBAR strain. This is an almost-unpleasant high. Like, what if there was an emergency right now and I needed to call for an ambulance? I'd be judged. Someone needs to poke ... you know what? It would be funny if someone in medeival times called his (or her) sword "Stabby McStabberface."

My mind is racing even though I'm tired. It's like with a rabid unspiritedness. That's not even a sentence!

-------------

And then I passed out in my chair and eventually had wild dreams about stairs. Stairs everywhere. Like some MC Escher shit. In my head.

This was a little TOO intense. Fun, but intense. And this shit was over a year old when I smoked it!

I think I remember smoking some with my lyin-ass ex-girlfriend and it was really good and helped with the horniness and shit, but I don't really remember all those details, fam. I just remember really lovin the Jealousy, and I'll do a more thorough review someday soon.

Gelato,
Sherb,
(Gelato 41 x
Animal Mints bx1)

So my #1 Cutie and I tried this out while watching a Christmas movie, which we soon paused.

We were hoping for good sex weed, but what we ended up getting was a decent "cuddle weed." There were a few times where things we said seemed a hell of a lot funnier than they really were. But ultimately it just made us want to cuddle together and pass the hell out.

She said she'd give it a 5 out of 10. I told her I'd give it a 6 because it gave us some decent giggles.

So, #1 Cutie LOVED this shit so much that she told me, "Get more of that." We didn't even fuck on it! Once we smoked it, we both got superchill and felt like cuddling and touching one another for a while. Touch felt enhanced and SUPERnice. Eventually we drifted off to sleep, but it was such a great experience. We gonna try this shit again when we're more conscious in the first place.

-

Review 2. #1 Cutie and I fucked on Strawberry Guava. It was VERY nice. Touch was not as enhanced but we went at it for a lonnnnngass time. We have better sex strains but this was still pretty fuckin amazing. I know that it's one of her favorites.

So, with this one, there's very little info online to work with. The dispensry I went to showed the parents as being Jigglers and Bahama Mama, but when I checked online those were the parents of a strain called "Bitties" and I don't know if that's really the same thing as "Tig Ol' Bitties" or not. But with a name like this, I couldn't pass this shit up.

Aw shit... this is where I wanna be right now. I had about half of a late-night skinny blunt, and after that halfway point, my head told me "You don't wanna go further." So I stopped. Then and there. Put that shit out and got here to review.

I usually like cookies strains. Platinum GSC is one of my favorites, and I've loved Nitro Cookies and Gorilla Cookies and Nightmare Cookies. [edit: And, a while after this, Peyote Cookies.]

Yes, Fam - about ten minutes or so after smoking that shit. the soft "throb" feeling just hit the front of my brain. I'm starting to drift. This is rad, fam.

When I shift back and forth in my chair it feels like I'm on a teeter-totter when I was a kid. This feels sweet. I still feel coherent, but relaxed. Relaxed as a red-ass babboon with no hemmorhoids.

Pending

Fuck. I didn't write my notes down at the time, but I remember that his shit was GOOD SEX WEED and my "#1 sweetie" who turned out to be a dishonest ho-bag really loved the Lilac Diesel.

I'll try to review it someday with someone who isn't a dishonest ho-bag, and when I do, I'll let you know how that goes as well.

Pineapple Express,
Huckleberry Soda
(aka Huckleberry Hound)

Just treated myself to a skinny blunt of this shit outside then came in for some ice cream and "Always Sunny." I feel good. Mellow. Like someone turned my "give a shit" down from an 8 to about a 1.3.

It's funny how close "turned" and "turd" are to each other. I looked away from my writing then looked back and it and thought I wrote "turd." I didn't.

So I'd heard this was good and sometimes arousing. I'd like to fuck my #1 Girly Girl but she isn't around right now. I don't feel like fuckin any more than usual tho.

I'm not feeling a really big high from this. Like I don't know if I'm even high and it's been about 20 minutes or so now and this is just kind of pathetic. I'm still all coherant and I could probably sit down and write an essay about theoretical quantum mechanics if I really really wanted to.

Holy fuck, did the Spice Girls ever tell us what they really really want? I mean what they REALLY really really want? It sure wasn't a zig-a-zig-ahhhhhh.

You know what I fuckin need? Some sleep. Time for sleep.

Oh daaaamn. It's been a while since I wrote a review here, but I need to tell you about THIS shit right here. At this time of this writing, ya boy Wang had a few contenders for best sex strain: Purple Dragon, Purple Pineapple, Jack Frost, Sexxpot, etc.

Then THIS shit had to come into my life. FAMMM. Dude, this was like UNREAL sex. Was my brain trippin' and thinking of weird unsexy shit? Yeah. Like... I can't even think of what it was thinkin of. Not bonerkillin shit but just like weird trippy shit. This was fuckin powerful.

Now I should tell you that we did something unusual. Usually we smoke a skinny blunt but last night we agreed to hit one of my bongs for the first time in months. Bongs make us cough more but we also wanted to feel a bit more fuckupedness. So that was a factor to take into consideration.

Sexwise... WOWWW. Okay, so last night we started playin and it lasted a LONG. ASS. TIME. Different positions different sensations different timespans. Time went out the window eventually and said bye bye. We just kept on going. FELT AMAZING, fam. I was going at it harder than usual and she was takin it with no prob bob. When I finished, it even felt like THAT lasted longer. Like, I didn't mention it - and then SHE said "you're still pulsating" so I know that it was true.

SHITFAM I loved this shit.

Okay, so after seriously MONTHS of being a good boy and not buying another new strain, I decided to buy a new strain.

I went to the dispensery and asked about two strains: Gorilla Girl and Mafia Funeral. I asked which one was more euphoric. Mafia Funeral was the winner.

Holy sweet monkey fuck this SHIT was DOPE fam. Like I'm not sure if it reached a "FUCK YEAH" status (okay, it didn't yet) but it was still FIRE as the kids say. Buds all white, lots and lots of trichomes, yo.

#1 Girly Girl and I smoked down a skinny blunt of this shit one late night when we were both real tired. Then we tried gettin down to bizness.

First, I felt like I didn't give a FUCK about SHIT.

Then, I felt like SHIT was FUCKin hilarious.

Then, we started playin and touchin, and my brain went to SHIT and I passed the FUCK out.

The good news: Euphoria by the muhfuggin TANKful, fam. The bad news: brain shortcircuited, defaulted to OFF. But that was probably because we were tired as hell.

The next day, I couldn't remember a thing about what happened except that I knew we didn't bang. She reminded me that shit was realy funny on this shit, but then she also added that it made HER , and I quote, HORNY AS FUCK. That was good to hear and we gonna have to give this another try.

I been thinkin about getting Runtz for a while, Fam. It was the 2020 Leafly strain of the year and now it's 2023 and I still hadn't gotten any until last night. #1 Girly Girl and I made a trip out to a faraway dispensery and they had a good price on some Runtz so I decided to grab me some. The buds smell fuckin AMAZEBALLS fam. I'll let you know how it works out smoke-wise soonish.

===========

So, I just smoked a skinny blunt of this shit and I'm feeling that high creep in. I feel good. A little horny, and a LOT euphoric.

I feel like I'm thinking about my thoughts about 0.3 seconds before I get around to thinking them.

Im putting big oatmeal and raisin cookies into a big cup of milk and eating the pieces when a spoon. THIIS IS FUCKING AWESOME, fam.

All the while I'm watching some kind of hot arty indie porn called "On My Dirty Knees."

Sometimes, I can feel a little down with the world, but NOT TONIGHT. Tonight I'm feeling alllllll right.

Do cookie companies ever use a degree called "soakability" when developing new cookie dough recipes?

----------------

And after that I blissfully went to sleep. I was horny as FUCK but I was also soooo tired. This was a solid, kickass high, fam... and the smell of the buds and the taste was so fuckin sweet. LOVE the Runtz. Cant wait to use this one for sex weed.

I can tell you it's good sex weed. #1 girly and I tried it out before gettin it on and it was VERY euphoric and I made her very, very happy numerous, numerous times.

Hopefully I'll be able to write a much more detailed review later... but for now oh HELLZ yeah fam I'm a fan of this shit.

At first, I felt just a little lightheaded after smoking the Trufflegasm - chattin on the phone with my #1 Girly and telling her that I was still coherent. At one point a few minutes after that, it felt like the light in the lamp behind just got more intense and glowed through me. I felt warm and irradiated with the glow, like the bright yellow light was just shooting through me in a good, warming, very high way.

I feel like opening a bar, or an ice cream shop, or a combination of both, and calling it "The Bog's Knockers."

Just rocking forward and back in my computer chair produces a cooled-down sensation that feels fuckin awesome. It also helps that I'm eating ice cream -

...And at that point, after the dash, that's when ya boy Wang passed right out. I was feeling GOOD and that high crashed over me like a tidal wave and kicked my ass. I woke up about three and a half hours later in my computer chair, right here. Shit.

More research needed.

WHOA.

So, I'm about ten minutes after smoking most of a joint of this shit on my own... and holy shit, fam, this is some fuckin CHOICE weed.

I just looked at the effects of Unicorn Poop online, and one was "giggly." However, for a moment, I thought it said "giggty," which then made me think of that Quagmire motherfucker from Family Guy.

The high from this one is especially intense. Wow. Once it really hit... I wanted to sleep, but I entered a weird, rushlike dreamstate (okay, I might have fallen asleep at my desk here) and dreamt of people I knew, including my old shrink from last year. Then, when I got out of that dreamstate, I was still sitting here, and I got MAD munchies. So I wreaked havoc on the Sour Patch Kids settlement at the bottom of their family size bag, and there were numerous casualties.

This is gooood shit. Thought example: I just thought about how when I change the thermostat over from heater to air conditioning, does that make spring arrive sooner?

I'm now smashing through a box of Andes menthe thin thingies. I'm still thinking about the survivors among the Sour Patch Kids, camping and cowering in the bottom of the bag. I don't mean to sound like a Sour Patch racist, but what is your least favorite color among those in a regular bag of Sour Patch Kids, and why is it green?

Ima tell you this: Samuel L Jackson should teach a college course. In the first semester, all you do is learn the coolest and most badass ways to say the word "shit." And then the entire second semester would cover "motherfucker." The university would put that in the second semester to keep students encouraged to make it through the first semester.

And now the broken, maimed, and pulpified Sour Patch Kids in my stomach are being covered in chocolate rain, as the great Tay Zonday did so prophesize.

(when he wasn't moved away from the microphone to breathe)

It is now well past midnight as I type this. I just reviewed the work I did yesterday in my head. Nothing fuckin AMAZIN, since it was a sunday, but I did enough that I should be proud of myself for getting shit done.

I just thought very hard about the vocal similarity between the voices of Drew Carey and the late David Crosby. It took me a minute or so to figure out that there's not much similarity.

if Andes Mints wanted me to see their fuckin logo on their little pieces of chocolate minty chocolate awesome, then they should have put the logo on the side that faces the little flaps on the wrapper.

Okay, I think it's time to close the edition of Deep Thoughts with Wang. Is this good weed? YES. Would I buy more? YES. Does it make me want to fuck like a mad beast hopped up on beast juice in the lower suburbs of Beastytown? Not really.

Papaya,
(A Banana OG/Do-Si-Dos Hybrid)

Girl Scout Cookies,
Black Betty

-or-

Girl Scout Cookies,
The Whip! Bx4

Gorilla Glue #4,
Bright Berry

So here's what happened, fam. Ya boy WANG didn't buy any new weed for a YEAR, ya feel me? But then I had a cute little girly out of town, and I told her that when I was ready to buy again, we could go to a few dispensaries together the next time she was in town. On May 31st, 2024, that's exactly what we done did. The first place we went had a sale on eighths, so I stocked up on four: Black Gorilla, Northern Lights, Strawberry Cough, and Afghan Cookies. So that's how I got this shit, and I'll write up a review as soon as I blaze it up.

I finished smoking this here Gabba Goo.. no wait... Black Gorilla... maybe about ten or fifteen minutes ago. Feels like maybe a day ago.

It's 12:15 am. I'm currently attempting to juggle between writing this review, writing coherently in a conversation with a homie on Instagram, and watching "Fargo." (The series). I have a feeling this will be an entertaining disaster.

I should grow a new strain and call it "Dr. Wang's Gabba Gazoo." Then I would advertise it as 110% sativa, and when people came up and said "Dr. Wang, it can't be 110% sativa or indica" I would say "THIS IS AMERICA MOTHERFUCKER WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN"

I'm stoned. SO stoned. But it's not a harsh, scary, downer stoned. I am on an even fuckin keel. I smoked a good fuckin cone made of tea leaves with chamomile and cacao. Did I spell those both correctly? holy shit someone should send me a medal or some shit.

I'm... paranoid. i just had a weird feeling like I heard something that indicated that someone else was here. I feel like if s

[And that's where I hit the wall and passed out. I'm passin out too much when doin these reviews, fam! Fuck.]

Afghani Landrace (Nearly-Pure Indica),
Thai Landrace (Pure Sativa)?
SEE NOTES COLUMN FAM

So here's what happened, fam. Ya boy WANG didn't buy any new weed for a YEAR, ya feel me? But then I had a cute little girly out of town, and I told her that when I was ready to buy again, we could go to a few dispensaries together the next time she was in town. On May 31st, 2024, that's exactly what we done did. The first place we went had a sale on eighths, so I stocked up on four: Black Gorilla, Northern Lights, Strawberry Cough, and Afghan Cookies. So that's how I got this shit, and I'll write up a review as soon as I blaze it up.

In this particular case, I can already tell you that I'm probably gonna love Northern Lights. I LOOOOVE me some Atomic Northern Lights, and years ago I tried a vape of the regular Northern Lights and I liked that shit too. But now, for the first time since I started this site a LONG-ass time ago, I got me some actual Northern Lights flower. This is gonna be some fuckin fun.

Okay, so something else I want to point out about this shit. The genetic makeup and parentage and that shit is CONFUSING as FUCK, fam. And here's why. Northern Lights is a legendary strain that some sites say is a pure indica. Some sites show it as a 95:5 indica hybrid, and some other sites say it's a 95:5 indica. Its parents are supposed to be Afghani, a "landrace" strain which some sites say is a pure indica and some sites say is a 95:5 indica, and Thai, which I know from other strains is a PURE SATIVA. So how the fuck do you cross a pure sativa and a pure indica and come up with another pure indica, or even a 95:5 indica? I don't get that shit, but then again, the Original Wangster ain't even a real doctor, and I certainly aint a professional cannabis geneticist, ya feel me? So I'm just gonna go with the information that says this is a heavy-heavy-ass indica, at least 95%.

Strawberry Field,
Haze

So here's what happened, fam. Ya boy WANG didn't buy any new weed for a YEAR, ya feel me? But then I had a cute little girly out of town, and I told her that when I was ready to buy again, we could go to a few dispensaries together the next time she was in town. On May 31st, 2024, that's exactly what we done did. The first place we went had a sale on eighths, so I stocked up on four: Black Gorilla, Northern Lights, Strawberry Cough, and Afghan Cookies. So that's how I got this shit, and I'll write up a review as soon as I blaze it up.

Afghan Kush,
Girl Scout Cookies

-or-

Afghan Kush,
Do-Si-Dos

So here's what happened, fam. Ya boy WANG didn't buy any new weed for a YEAR, ya feel me? But then I had a cute little girly out of town, and I told her that when I was ready to buy again, we could go to a few dispensaries together the next time she was in town. On May 31st, 2024, that's exactly what we done did. The first place we went had a sale on eighths, so I stocked up on four: Black Gorilla, Northern Lights, Strawberry Cough, and Afghan Cookies. So that's how I got this shit, and I'll write up a review as soon as I blaze it up.

Champagne,
Blackberry

Pending

Candy Kush,
Space Queen

Pending

Lemon Tree,
Grease Monkey

No...

unless you want to be fuckin unconscious

So, this here is a balanced hybrid. I decided to smoke a little of a skinny blunt to "pre-game" before I had a special date come by from out of town. It was in the mid-afternoon, and I wasn't ALREADY sleepy. I knew this was a balanced hybrid so it shouldn't MAKE my ass sleepy. And you know how it made me feel? Thass right. Fuckin SLEEPY AS WALTER CRONKITE'S DEAD BUTLER HAROLD, fam. Shit.

So, this wasn't a "1 AM blunt made me pass the FUCK out" story. I know those. I got a LOT of those. But in this case, I didn't even smoke the whole thing! Only about a half, maybe less, of a skinny-ass blunt. I don't know why they call this shit Leprechaun Trap, fam. Shit. I got so much better shit.

Skunkberry,
Little Devil

Pending

Lemon Cherry Gelato,
Pina Acai

I had a girly girl over to see what was up, and we smoked a skinny blunt of a little Red Velvet at one point. I can tell you that the sex was fun, and I know that I was high, but I don't remember this being an especially great sex strain, if you know what I'm sayin. This has a reputation for being a BIGASS arousal strain but I'm not so sure, fam. I'm giving it a "Yes" for now but I'll do some more research. You can pretty much count on that.

Runtz,
Candy Rain

Pending

Gelato,
Zkittlez

Pending

Blue Sherbert,
Unicorn Poop

So I gotta make this brief coz the Wang-Man's got shit to do. I took a trip to buy me some of this here Blunicorn shit last night because I had heard it make you super-horny. I got home, I was tired, and I didn't have a girly with me, but I wanted to see if the hype was true. So I rolled up a skinny blunt without as much shit as I'd usually smoke.

So, this was... interesting, I guess. I was tired. This shit made me sleepier. But also, I felt... smoooved out. Like this could have made sex more sensual and shit, but I was so exhausted, and maybe I just smoked too much of it. I eventually just rolled over in bed and went to sleep.

I'm giving this a "Yes" for now because of those good feelings I felt, but I have a feeling that once I have a lady friend over to indulge with me... that rating will get a major upgrade.

Grape Gas,
OG Kush Breath,
Blueberry Headband

Pending

Jealousy F3,
Oreoz

Pending